The moment I realized, 'So this is what it feels like to struggle in life' after becoming a working adult

Hello, this is Momo🍑
I've been struggling with raising a newborn, and the days have flown by so quickly that it's been a while since my last post. I'm very sorry for the long silence😵

This time, I'd like to share an episode from my first year as a working adult. I'd be happy if you could relate and say, 'I've had the same experience!'♪

It happened when I started working as a kindergarten teacher after becoming a working adult.
Even though I started at the same time as my peers, I'm the type who takes time to understand things, so my work, such as preparing for childcare and managing tasks, was inevitably slow.
Because it was a workplace with a strict athletic-style hierarchy, I couldn't move immediately when given instructions by my superiors, which led to days of them getting frustrated with me.
I felt like I was being seen as an 'incompetent teacher' (and I probably was), so I felt nervous just being in the staff room every day.

Everyone else was learning their jobs and growing, but I always stumbled over the same things.
Every time I felt the gap between me and my peers, I would panic and feel depressed about my lack of ability.

One day, when I made a slight mistake in the procedure for preparing children's crafts, my supervisor scolded me, saying, 'You're inefficient!' Besides that, I was often scolded in my daily routine and spent my days comparing myself to the teachers who could do everything. And because I was worried about the eyes of the teachers around me, even though I intended to interact with the children with a smile, my heart wasn't in it...

My way of thinking things through carefully didn't match the speed of the workplace, and even when I tried hard, my nervousness and impatience caused me to spin my wheels. I couldn't find a sense of accomplishment in my daily work, and my confidence just kept fading away... On my way home from work, I would just blame myself.
Each time that happened, I started to think, 'Maybe I'm not cut out for the working world.'

The moment I realized, 'Oh, this is what it means to struggle in life'

At the time, I thought it was because I was weak.
But looking back now, I realize that I had certain traits.

For example, while my peers could move immediately after hearing instructions, I am the type who needs to organize the steps in my head before moving.
That difference made me look 'incompetent' to my supervisor.
Things that were natural for ordinary people were difficult for me.

Back then, I was always blaming myself, and my heart was constantly exhausted.
But because of this experience, I have now been able to find ways to live more easily, little by little, by adapting to my own traits.

To those who have the same worries

If there is anyone else feeling this same struggle in life, I want to tell you that you are not weak.
I also worried about my lack of ability back then, but by understanding my traits and making adjustments little by little, I am finding it easier to live.

'Moving slowly is not a bad thing.'
Knowing your own pace is the first step toward creating an easier life in the future.
Finding an 'environment and method that suits you' is much easier than blaming yourself.
Please, never forget that there is an environment and method that suits everyone.
Instead of thinking 'I can't do it, so I'm no good,' you will gradually be able to understand that it was simply a mismatch between the environment and your own traits.
'It's okay not to be perfect.'
You just need to move forward at your own pace, one step at a time.

Next time, I hope to talk about the things I've been doing to adapt☺️