Reading Diary: I Like That Simplicity

Tuesday, November 26

As I re-read The Life of Reading Proust by Shogo Kakiuchi, I feel happy because I feel like the direction of the reading diary I want to write has become clear. Kakiuchi-san wrote something in his diary like, 'I don't want to write things that are useful,' and I realized that even though I feel exactly the same way, I had simultaneously developed a feeling that 'I must write things that are useful.'

I understand that if I write something useful and it makes someone happy, I would be very glad. But just because of that, if I end up thinking, 'I absolutely must write something useful!!!', writing itself will just become painful, and I won't want to continue writing, will I?

I read books because I want to read them. I like that simplicity. If I start feeling like 'I must read!!!', reading will gradually become something unpleasant. I want to let go of the mindset that 'I must do X.'

Wednesday, November 27

Attracted by the title, I read Academic Ability Shows in 'I'm Sorry'. I was surprised to read in the book that people who write their own names carefully have an attitude of engaging with things with focus. My son's handwriting is destructively messy. This is bad!! I feel a growing sense of crisis.

It seems it takes time for a child who doesn't have the habit of writing carefully to start writing neatly. Apparently, it doesn't lead to writing carefully unless you first instill the value that 'one should pay close attention when dealing with things' and start by reviewing their daily life... The road to my son becoming a focused child seems so long that I feel faint.

Thursday, November 28

Academic Ability Shows in 'I'm Sorry' taught me that if a parent vents their emotions at their child, the child cannot distinguish between things. It seems the criteria for their actions become solely 'the parent's emotions,' and they stop reflecting on their own mistakes.

So, on this day, I decided, 'I will not vent my emotions!' but then my son's stubbornness kicked in, and I ended up venting my emotions at him with all my might. Oh, come on—Mom, didn't I tell you not to vent your emotions? (I'm sorry.)

Is it really possible to patiently teach behavior by choosing words carefully without getting emotional toward a child who is complaining loudly? I am exhausted by the gap between my ideal self (a good mother) and my real self (a middle-aged woman with a runny nose).

Friday, November 29

"Books in the Pile" I flip through the pages. Tomoka Shibasaki once talked about how "a pile of unread books is like a library in your own home," and I was like, "Oh!!"

Even though I know it's better not to have a pile of unread books, the ratio of the amount I buy to the amount I can read is always higher for the former, so I end up with a pile anyway. I want to tell my past self, who used to blame myself for having that pile: "It's okay to have a pile of unread books; it's a library just for you."

I used to pass on buying books for fear of adding to the pile, but now I've gained the momentum to buy even more books!! Thank you!! Shibasaki-san!!!!!