Because a Tomato Cannot Become a Melon
Good evening, this is Mochimaru.
Recently, I suddenly remembered the story in the title.
It was during summer vacation in elementary school.
I went to the Mitsuo Aida Museum in Yurakucho, Tokyo for the first time.
That was when I first saw Mitsuo Aida's poem about the tomato and the melon.
A tomato is the real thing if it stays a tomato;
it becomes a fake because it tries to look like a melon.
That was the content of the poem.
I was about 10 years old at the time, and
I instantly thought that I was a tomato.
I had found life difficult since I was in elementary school, and I didn't even think I was a tomato.
Ever since elementary school, I felt like I didn't have a place to belong anywhere.
But in Mitsuo's poem, it felt like there was a place for me.
The small world inside me, the lonely one 🌍
Only when I was in my world of fantasy did it feel like I had a place to belong; I was a child who would fly anywhere on the wings of imagination 😂
No matter how much I struggled, I could never become a melon. That conviction was already there inside 10-year-old Mochimaru.
That feeling never went away.
The first time I found a place to belong was in college.
I met a wonderful mentor, and for me, the study of Japanese literature became my place to belong.
I was quite an eccentric student, but perhaps that was the time when the tomato was finally able to become a real tomato.
However, after I started working, I struggled again.
I couldn't survive just as a tomato.
I was attaching all sorts of things to the tomato, becoming a distorted tomato.
I became a fake tomato, and I didn't even know what I was anymore.
And so, nearly 20 years have passed since I first encountered Mitsuo's poem.
I am still a tomato today.
But now, I have finally met people who say they are happy even if I am a tomato.
Meeting people who accepted me just as I am was a shock to me.
It was precisely because I had been hurt so much in the past by being told that if I was a tomato, I wasn't needed.
I pushed myself and pushed myself, and in the end, my body fell apart.
That is why I was so happy to meet people who told me that I was fine just the way I was.
I always thought I had to be a tomato wearing a mask.
But I feel like a tomato that has taken off its mask has finally become a real tomato.
I want to tell my elementary school self, who saw Mitsuo's poems for the first time back then.
***
I will always remain a tomato
I couldn't become a melon
But it's not the future you imagine
It's a very unrefined way of living
But I am living an interesting life that I never could have imagined
So it's okay, don't worry
I'm coming to pick you up, you who are all alone, so just wait for me
I'm sure it will be okay now
Because I can hold your hand tightly when you are full of anxiety
***
Thank you for reading until the end 😊