50s | First Payday After Changing Jobs | Why I Cried Even Though My Hourly Rate Was Less Than Half

This week was my first payday at my new job.

I am a 51-year-old woman who resigned last March from the company where I had worked for 27 years.

After resigning, I longed to become a Web designer and
attended a school to change my career.
However, along the way, I realized around the time of theintermediate assignment that this might be difficult for me.

Of course, I will finish it through to the graduation project, but...

It might sound like I'm putting on a brave face, but
it's not quite the same as giving up.

By attending school, I learned a little about the creative industry,
discovered note, and encountered AI, which suddenly broadened my world.

I also learned that jobs that create something require more information and energy than I imagined,
and
a great deal of unglamorous, steady effort.

And I learned that even if I am not a Web designer,
there are many industries where I can be involved in creative work.

That is why I do not regret this time.

I worked at the same company for many years,
and although it was on a small scale,
I have experience as a project leader.

The job that I felt I could be even a little useful in,
and that I also felt I 'wanted to do,' was a 'Web director' position.

In any case,I wanted to be involved in work that creates something and delivers it to someone.

Once my direction was decided, I checked job openings every day.

【当初の条件】 

　Webディレクター／未経験者可／年齢不問／最寄り駅（自宅近く）／リモート可／時短あり

I have a son in the third grade of elementary school.
So, I wanted a workplace within 30 minutes so I could move quickly if something happened,
or ideally, remote work.

However, in reality, there are almost no job openings that meet all those conditions.

Well, that makes sense, doesn't it?
Even just 'no experience required' and 'age no object' are rare enough.

Every day I would open the screen, sigh, and close it, thinking, 'Nothing today either...'
It was a cycle of that.

So, after looking every day for about two weeks,'How do I want to work?'I reorganized my thoughts.

【自分中心の場合の条件】

★業種（Webディレクター）＋未経験者＋勤務日時

【家庭と子ども中心の場合の条件】

★自宅からの近さ＋給料の高さ＋勤務日時

...What was the reason I gave up a stable career and chose early retirement?

I returned to the starting point
of how I felt at the time of early retirement.

Was I going to put off the work I wanted to do again, while saying it was 'for the children' and 'for the family'?

Honestly, even though I knew it, I struggled.

My children and family are important.
But I am important, too.

I can't come up with a perfect answer.
Because,both are importantafter all.

However, based on my experience so far, I could clearly say
“You shouldn't suppress yourself too much.”

After thinking a lot...

I decided.

That is how I reviewed my conditions.

【変更後の条件】

ディレクター／未経験者可／年齢不問／勤務地：東京／扶養内

✅From 'Web Director' to 'Director'. ⇒ There was no longer a need to insist on 'Web'.

✅From 'Nearest Station Specified' to 'Tokyo'. ⇒ By expanding the area, the number of job openings increased all at once.

✅Added working within the dependent deduction limit as a condition
⇒ While the option of being a full-time employee is off the table, there are surprisingly many small and medium-sized enterprises that want people to work within the dependent deduction limit due to concerns over labor costs, and the hurdle for the work is also slightly lower.

Of course, it's not that I don't have any anxiety about my income decreasing.
Life will require more ingenuity and adjustment than ever before.

I need to reduce unnecessary shopping and
fundamentally review my fixed costs.

I also have to reduce the amount of my beloved alcohol
to a level that doesn't cause stress. (Wait, that sounds a bit weak. Haha)

Even so, I now view this time as
a preparatory period that will lead to the next step.

Yes, it was very good to be able to sort out my feelings.
I also set clear goals.

And then, while I was looking at job postings every day with different criteria, I found my current company.

Although it is a part-time position, I was fortunate enough to be hired as a
director at an advertising agency.

The job description stated the following.

Age is no object. Even if you have no experience, we value enthusiasm and motivation. It said.

When I saw that, I thought,
This is the one.

Because I had plenty of enthusiasm and motivation.

I think perhaps my almost overwhelming enthusiasm came across.

And then, the first payday arrived.

"It's only for two days this month, but...Good work! Looking forward to next month too."

Since it's a small-to-medium enterprise where digitization hasn't progressed much, I was handed a paper pay stub, which was very fresh for me.

Receiving a paycheck for the first time in a while.

My heart was full.

Then, on the train home that day,
tears suddenly came...

It would be embarrassing for someone my age to cry on the train, so I desperately pretended to look at the sky and held back my tears.

The time I spent not working after resigning
might have been more anxiety-inducing than I had realized.

Because I had been working for so many years.

"No matter where I go, I wonder if I won't be accepted anymore."

"I wonder if there's nothing left that I can be useful for."

During those 10 months, there were times I felt depressed thinking that way.

So, the words "Thank you for your hard work" really resonated with me, and I felt like something I had been holding onto so tightly just phew... let go.

It goes without saying, but
my hourly rate is not even half of what it used to be.

Even so, they gave me a chance to work in a field I wanted to pursue,
while learning from scratch.

I was filled with heartfelt gratitude.

And now,
finally, I have reached the starting line of a new way of working.

The beer I drank with my own paycheck for the first time in 10 months was truly the best. Absolutely the best!

I have no idea what will happen from here on out, but
I want to look forward and keep moving forward one step at a time. I believe.

I am happy you read this long post to the end. Thank you very much.
Your likes are my encouragement💕 Please support me🙇