Writing 'Thank You' Plans in a Blank Planner

Thank you for stopping by again today!

I'm Ena🌷´-

Today, I'd like to share a story about how
days with no plans
can become a little warmer.

One of my daily habits is
opening my planner.

When people hear that I have a habit of opening my planner every day, they probably think I'm checking my schedule for the day.

But honestly, my days right now basically have no plans (lol).

Even so, here is why I open my planner every day.

It's because a certain 'important plan' is written on every page from January 1st to December 31st.

That important plan is...

Everyone's birthdays🎂

Not just friends and family, but also people I interact with in my current life.

While thinking of each person, I handwrite their name and a short 'Happy Birthday' note in the date column.

I wonder whose birthday is this week?
I wonder whose birthday it is today?

It has become a habit to open my planner every day with those thoughts in mind.

For me now, a planner is less about writing down schedules and more about...

writing down my gratitude for them being born.

I don't get to see many people on their actual birthdays these days, but I really look forward to sending a message to those I have contact info for to say 'Happy Birthday.'

At the clinic I visit, every year I even get the receptionist involved to throw a birthday party for my doctor (lol).

I prepare little items like silent party poppers, headbands, sashes, and funny glasses.

It's a birthday party that started from a little bit of my own playfulness.

Every year, the doctor wears the sash and a sparkly princess headband,

I wear these weird glasses from a 100-yen shop that say [HAPPY BIRTHDAY],

and for some reason, the receptionist gets greedy and goes for the
'headband + weird glasses' double style (lol).

It has become a tradition to celebrate by saying "Happy Birthday! 🎉" with a silent party popper that releases glitter when you shake it.

"I will absolutely never go to a psychiatrist!"

That is what I had firmly decided, and the reason I am able to continue my treatment now is because I met a doctor who values sharing this kind of time with me.

That, too, is a very important episode for me, so I hope to write about it in another note someday.

Returning to the topic...
The reason I value "birthdays" so much is because
I have my own personal feelings about them.

My parents married at a relatively young age.

However, they were unable to conceive for a long time and apparently continued fertility treatment for over 10 years.

My mother said it was a very painful period of treatment, with silent pressure from those around them regarding "not being able to have children," and sometimes even heartless words.

As the treatment dragged on, considering their age, finances, and the physical and mental burden,
it was their last chance, having decided, "If we don't conceive with the next treatment, we will give up on having children."

I was born from that final treatment.

The origin of my real name is filled with my parents' long-held wishes and a great deal of love.

I love my name very much.

So, when I started this note, I hesitated about whether to create an account using my real name, but...

To move away from the self that had lived "for my parents" until now,
and with the meaning ofstarting to live for myselfonce again,
I decided to start this note as "Ena," not my real name.

But since it is the first time in my life I have gone by a name other than my real one, a strange feeling still lingers...

To gradually get myself used to the "name Ena,"
I introduce myself as "I'm Ena" at the beginning of every note.

I have digressed a little again, but

I, who tried to be born in such a way, was born earlier than the expected date as a low birth weight infant.

Moreover, the umbilical cord was tightly wrapped around my neck,
and I was told that I had once almost returned to the sky.

I was rushed to a large hospital by ambulance immediately after birth, and after being hospitalized for a while, I was finally able to spend time at home.

Of course, this is a story I heard from my mother, and I have no memory of it myself.

But, in doing so,
the fact that I was born
and that I am living and growing older

the 'miracle' and 'weight' of 'living'when I feel that,
every year on my birthday, various emotions well up inside me.

The fact that I was born very much wanted,
and that I was raised with heartfelt care,
even though I should know that painfully well,

for some reason, I
cannot live well in this world.

I'm sorry that it was me who was born...

I can't say that out loud, but
there are times when such thoughts about my parents cross my mind.

Even so, there has always been a moment for me,
where I feel, 'I'm glad I was born.'
That is,

when my heart is moved by an encounter with someone.

Looking back, I have always been supported by 'encounters with people' to keep my life going.

Sometimes they weren't all happy encounters,
but there were many times I encountered the 'voice of my own heart' that I wouldn't have found if not for meeting those people.

The fact that I have been able to live supported by so many encounters with people,
is something that only came true because the other person was born into this world.

Thinking about it that way,the other person's birthday is also,
an irreplaceable and precious day for me.

That is why,
'Thank you for being born'
'Thank you for meeting me'

With such feelings, on each person's special day, their birthday,
I have a desire to convey my heartfelt 'congratulations'.

There are still many blank days in my planner.

I hope that someday all 365 pages will be filled with the names of the precious people I have met.

And I would be happy if every day became a day where I could tell someone 'congratulations' and 'thank you'.

Thinking about that, I open my planner every day with excitement.

Writing down everyone's precious day of birth,
in my planner.

For me, who has no particular hobbies or special skills,
it might be something like a little hobby.

Today, June 14th, is my beloved grandmother's birthday💐

"I miss you, so come home once in a while," she always emails me, but for the past few years, I haven't been able to visit due to financial circumstances and my own health.

While all that was happening, my grandmother was hospitalized earlier this year, and there is still no prospect of her being discharged.

Although I can only send an email to my hospitalized grandmother today,
I want to convey my heartfelt congratulations and thank her for being born.

I wonder when the birthdays of everyone reading this note are?

If you're willing to share just your birth month, please let me know♪
(I'll be happy on my own🎉

By the way, I was born in February!)

And, regardless of birthdays...

To everyone reading this right now,

Thank you for being born

Thank you for meeting me

I would like to send those thoughts to youꕤ𓈒𓂂

Thank you as always for reading until the end.

May today be a day that warms your heart, in your own way.*･

Ena