Is there a priority list for 'what children need to lead a happy life'?
Good evening, this is Mizuka.
I am a dad who spends every day with my wife and our two daughters, who will soon be 5 (in middle nursery school) and 1 year old.
I have started a life where I unravel the little snags of daily life with children by writing on note.
And this time (and perhaps from here on out?), the content is quite challenging for me personally.
It is a bit long, but I have done my best to organize it, so I would be happy if you could read it.
Just one thing: the wish that they 'lead a happy life'
If asked, 'What do you think about often while spending your days with your children?'I think many families wouldsurely answer something like, 'I want them to lead a happy life.'I suspect that is the case.
While there are surely many different patterns and styles regarding where they live, what work they do, and what kind of people they interact with, I just hope they canlive while cherishing their own version of happiness.
And this is not just for our children; it is something that everyone hasfaced over and over again in their own lives,isn't it?
Like, I want to lead a happy life, or
Ah, I am happy right now, or
That time in my life was pretty rough, or
How can I live feeling as much happiness as possible from here on out?
Yeah. That is true, but still.
So, here is where it gets to the point.
To achieve that, where should I start and what should I do?
Well, I do have a vague idea of it.
Looking back on my life so far, I've spent time thinking deeply about what moments I truly enjoyed, and
conversely, I've also thought about what moments made me feel stressed or overwhelmed. and
As an adult, I've come to understand that doing these things is the right approach. In fact, over the last decade or so, I have participated in study groups on self-improvement, psychology, and life design—including how to manage money—and I've learned through books and video content, which has led to significant personal change.
In these past ten years or so, I got married, was blessed with two children, and managed to establish a stable career that provides for my livelihood, which has greatly increased the amount of time I spend living happily.
However, it's a bit different when it comes to children.
I want them to live while cherishing their own version of happiness, but as a parent, where should I start and what should I do to help them achieve that?
When faced with that question, I think quite a few parents start to feel lost right here. I believe.
I think I'm someone who is trying quite hard, but I'm still a bit lost myself. I can't quite put it into the perfect words..
Things like, attachment formation is important, or
that it's important to have a sense that 'it's okay to be myself,' or
that communication skills are essential, or
that honesty and sincerity are, of course, also important, or
that while cognitive skills are important, non-cognitive skills are also crucial, or
that building and maintaining a healthy mind and body is fundamentally important, or
that children grow up on their own, so parents just shouldn't get in the way, or
various words cross my mind, but don't you feel like there's no sense of unity, or that the big picture is a bit hard to grasp?
And in the end, of course, it always comes with the concluding remark, "these are just general theories, so you won't know if they actually suit your child until you try them." Well, that's only natural, I suppose.
Let's explore the priorities for 'what children need to lead a happy life'.
So, with the help of ChatGPT, I'm going to organize the things that are currently weighing on my mind.
By the way, since I frequently use ChatGPT as a sounding board, I feel that the responses I get include quite nuanced expressions.
Mizuka -> ChatGPT Question 1 (Main points)
I believe there are various skills and key points that are 'necessary for children to lead a happy life,' but are there any fundamental skills or points that serve as the foundation?
I think it would be easier to understand the relationships and the overall picture if these skills and points were organized into a hierarchy.
If I can do this, it will be useful when considering the allocation of limited resources and timing, and it will also make it easier to prioritize what to study when delving deeper into books and other materials.
I think it would also be easier to understand intuitively if it could be translated into an image or illustration.
ChatGPT -> Mizuka Answer 1
That is a great question.
Let me organize 'what is necessary for children to lead a happy life' into a hierarchical structure of fundamental abilities and key points. Visualizing it this way makes it easier to revise or add to later, and when you read books or other materials, you will be able to immediately place concepts by thinking, 'Ah, this refers to this level.'
🌱 Roots (Fundamental strength: sense of security in living)
・The feeling that 'I am a valuable person' (self-esteem・self-acceptance)
・A foundation where one feels 'I am protected' and 'I can be helped' by people around them and society (sense of security and trust)
・A sense of a secure base where one feels it is okay to fail
🌳 Trunk (Central strength that supports life)
・The ability to notice one's own emotions and state, and to adjust them to some extent (self-regulation)
・The ability to take action and think 'let's try it' even when facing difficulties (proactivity and willingness to challenge)
・The ability to recover from difficulties or failures, and to accept and adjust to change (resilience: recovery and adaptability)
・The desire to know, see, and experience new, unknown, or unusual things, which serves as the driving force for learning and growth in life (curiosity and spirit of inquiry)
・The ability to build trusting relationships with others (interpersonal skills)
🌿 Branches (Skills nurtured in daily life and society)
・The ability to express one's own sensations and emotions through words and actions (expressiveness and vocabulary)
・The ability to discipline oneself (self-regulation and self-control)
・Ability to have values (finding a guide for how to live)
・The ability to receive and empathize with others' feelings (empathy and tolerance)
・Ability to collaborate and cooperate
・Ability to learn (basic knowledge and study habits)
・Problem-solving and creativity
・Ability to maintain health (physical strength, lifestyle habits)
・The ability to find small joys (ability to discover enjoyment)
・The ability to continue something 'to a certain extent' and change direction when necessary (persistence and flexibility)
・Ability to receive constructive feedback at a pace that suits one's own mind and body
🍃 Leaves (Concrete actions and daily practices)
・The ability to create rules and promises with family and friends and find ways to keep them
・An attitude of calmly apologizing and discussing again even when forgetting or failing
・The ability and habit of listening to others until they finish speaking
・Rhythms of eating, sleeping, and exercise
・The ability to choose better options from among choices without being swayed by one's own desires
・A sense of enjoying daily choices, such as 'who should I do what with next?'
・Expansion of thinking through reading and dialogue
🔑 The point is the organization that:
・Roots are a sense of security and self-affirmation, the foundation of everything
・Trunk is 'self-regulation, adjustment, and challenge,' the thick axis of life
・Branches are 'skills for interacting with people and society concretely'
・Leaves are 'actual actions and habits in daily life'
.
Mizuka -> Question to ChatGPT ② (Key points)
Setting aside the detailed items for a moment, the tree metaphor is easy to understand and I like it.
By the way, I don't mean to imply that the 'roots, trunk, branches, and leaves' are 'completely independent entities.' While there is certainly a hierarchy of importance, I want to convey a sense that, for example, 'even if you approach the part corresponding to the leaves, it is possible to some extent to influence the other parts as well.'
On the other hand, I also want to include the nuance that no matter how much you work on improving the parts corresponding to the 'leaves' or 'branches,' in some cases, even efforts directed at the 'trunk' may not lead to improvements in the 'roots'.
Regarding the more fundamental parts, it feels like an approach to the 'roots' is essential if it's the roots, or to the 'trunk or roots' if it's the trunk.
Does the answer you gave me include that nuance?
ChatGPT -> Answer to Mizuka ②
Yes, thank you for confirming 🙏
The 'roots, trunk, branches, and leaves' framework I presented is structured with the premise of including these two nuances:
1. Mutual influence (bidirectionality)
- Approaches from the leaves can sometimes shake the trunk and roots.
- In other words, 'ripple effects are possible from anywhere.'
2. However, there are differences in root-level importance (indispensability)
- The state of the roots strongly influences everything else.
- There are parts that cannot be reached by approaches from the branches or leaves, making direct work on the roots essential.
I have structured it on the premise of including these two nuances.
Therefore, both of the ideas you mentioned:
・"There is room for mutual influence regardless of where you start"
・"However, there are times when it won't improve unless you approach the roots directly"
are already incorporated.
If you want to make it even clearer, it can be expressed as follows:
🌱 Roots (foundational strength)
-> Hard to reach from other approaches. Direct support measures are necessary.
🌳 Trunk (core strength)
-> Supported by the roots, it acts as a bridge to the branches and leaves. It can also partially return influence to the roots.
🌿 Branches (expanding strength)
-> Receives nutrients from the trunk and supports leaves and flowers. It is also possible to return resources to the trunk.
🍃 Leaves (concrete strength)
-> Receives nutrients from the branches, but creates energy through photosynthesis and can return it to the trunk and roots.
In other words, my understanding is that it is not an 'independent hierarchy' but an 'interconnected circulatory system.'
Mizuka -> Question to ChatGPT ③ (Key points)
I think that's a very good approach.
By the way, are there any books or similar resources that have presented 'what is necessary for a child to lead a happy life' while using this kind of hierarchical classification?
ChatGPT -> Answer to Mizuka ③
Yes, several researchers and practitioners have proposed similar 'hierarchical structures' or 'classifications'.
While they may not be organized in the exact same 'tree illustration' format, there are books and frameworks that systematize 'the strengths necessary for a child's happiness' using similar concepts.
I will list some representative ones.
1. Global psychology and pedagogy frameworks
・Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs
→ The most famous hierarchical structure.
Physiological needs → Safety needs → Belonging and love → Esteem → Self-actualization.
It is often applied as a foundation for a child's happiness as well.
・SEL (Social and Emotional Learning)
→ An educational framework originating in the United States.
Organized into five areas: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness (empathy, etc.), relationship skills, and responsible decision-making; its adoption in school education is progressing.
・PERMA Model (Positive Psychology, Martin Seligman)
→ Proposes five elements that constitute a sense of well-being.
Positive Emotion, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning, and Achievement.
It is also used in research as a framework for measuring children's well-being.
2. Practical books available in Japanese
・"What is Truly Necessary for a Child's 'Happiness'" (Nobuko Uchida, Professor Emeritus, University of Tokyo)
→ Explains the foundations of children's sense of happiness and learning from the perspective of developmental psychology.
・"World-Standard Parenting" (Toru Funatsu)
→ Systematically introduces education based on self-esteem and resilience.
・"The Courage to be Happy" (Ichiro Kishimi, Fumitake Koga)
→ Based on Adlerian psychology, it organizes 'happiness as a sense of community.' It is not hierarchical, but a concept close to the roots.
・"SEL: Social and Emotional Learning" (Yoichi Akashi et al., edited by the Japan SEL Promotion Association)
→ A systematized framework that can also be used in school education settings.
3. Summary of developmental research and pedagogy
・OECD 'Learning Compass 2030'
→ Organizes the 'ability to navigate change' and 'ability to act based on values' necessary for children to live happily into a hierarchy of roots → application → practice.
・UNICEF 'Child Well-being Index'
→ Systematically classifies health, safety, education, human relationships, subjective well-being, etc.
🔹 In short, frameworks in psychology, pedagogy, and international organizations are often organized with a hierarchy of 'Foundation → Core Competencies → Practical Skills' .
However, there are not many that are drawn in an intuitive form like 'tree roots, trunk, branches, and leaves,' so I think it would be a very unique teaching material if you were to illustrate it yourself.
ChatGPT → Reception of the answer to Mizuka ③
I see. It feels a bit different from the answer I was looking for.
I could continue to interact and make revisions from here, but... well, I think I'll wrap it up with the information I have so far and start taking action.
If I find something that is doing a similar initiative along the way, I can just use that as a reference again.
There are many things I don't understand at all at this stage, but after a quick check, ' Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs ' might actually contain the characteristics of ' a circular system where there is a hierarchy of importance but they influence each other ' that I am looking for.
But, there might almost never have been anything that includes everything 'necessary for a child to lead a happy life' systematized in that way before.
Then, for now, I'll take what I got in 'ChatGPT → Answer to Mizuka ①',
'What is necessary for a child to lead a happy life (Draft)'
and call it that,
I think I'll dig deeper and revise it from here, and grow it into a style and expression (narrative) that fits our family.
Even though it's still a considerable amount of information.
As something to be used for 'practical experiments for myself and my family'
I know, of course, that there are experts for each, such as 'self-esteem,' 'resilience,' 'grit,' 'empathy,' and 'communication skills,' and that they have dedicated their lives to working on those things.
Therefore, I intend to recognize that categorizing 'what is necessary for a child to lead a happy life' in this way is, in a sense, a very reckless action.
So, as something to be used for 'practical experiments for myself and my family'I would appreciate it if everyone could understand that this is something I created.
And, on top of that,
I will try categorizing the abilities and points,
Try spending your days with that in mind,
and see how those (short-term) results turned out for you and your family.
I would be happy if you could enjoy that process together.
It has been about 10 days since my first note post.
My mind, which was quite tangled, feels like it has started to unravel quite a bit.
I wonder if writing this article had an effect.
I have started to see a glimpse of my own style of output, so I hope I can keep going at this pace.
↓ I reflected on my experience posting on note for about a month.
If you are trying to engage with note in your own way but are feeling a bit tired, please take a look.
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