I am where I am today because I followed the voice I heard

They say life is a series of choices. We make some kind of choice every day as we live.

I feel like I have lived my life so far just going with the flow. When I complained about this to an acquaintance, they replied, "Miyu, you're the one who chose to go with the flow, aren't you? You can't even argue with that, can you?" and I truly had nothing to say. This acquaintance often says things to me that leave me speechless without a second thought. I'm sure they are a sadist, and I must be a masochist.

Even so, there are times when I feel that by making my own choices and taking action, I have been able to change from who I used to be. I would like to write about that while reflecting on those moments.

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First, as a premise, I have an HSP temperament and am shy, so it takes me time to open up to people. I am also slow to grasp things unless I am convinced, making me a bit useless. However, once I open up, I become talkative, and once I get used to things, I can handle them smoothly.

I was an outsider at the company I joined as a new graduate.

In the rough seas of society I had just jumped into, I was bewildered every single day.

It was a workplace with many women close to my age, but I couldn't easily open up to them. I wasn't being bullied; in fact, they were kind to me. Even so, my shyness didn't easily melt away.

Even in my essential work, I couldn't handle things well.

In high school, my grades were decent, and I earned many certifications. I also think I scored reasonably well on the entrance exam, and thanks to being able to give answers that pleased the adults during the interview, I was able to join the company from among many applicants. Perhaps because of that, I was assigned to the accounting department.

The accounting department is an important department that handles the company's money. Although computers had been introduced at the time, there was still a lot of manual work, which was quite difficult. Furthermore, there were other tasks like answering the phone, which I was completely hopeless at. Looking at my specs alone, I think I was a newcomer from whom everyone had expectations. But in reality, I was branded as a disappointing newcomer who was quiet, whose thoughts were hard to read, and who couldn't do the work.

The frustration of not being able to meet expectations and the pain of being a loner made me want to quit the company by the time summer arrived. Perhaps because they took pity on me, my assignment was changed by the time autumn came around. In the next department, I ended up doing a series of tasks such as taking orders for teaching materials, placing orders, and bookkeeping. The work there seemed to suit me, and I gradually became able to handle it smoothly, and I was able to talk to my seniors to some extent.

However, even then, it was hard to say that I had truly fit in.

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A turning point came for me while I was agonizing over whether to stay at the company or quit.

It was on the last working day of the year. That day, we were all busy with a big cleaning from the morning, and all the employees were absorbed in scrubbing the place. It was after we finished the morning work and had finished eating our bento boxes during the lunch break. The seniors were all chatting while drinking coffee and such. As for me, I was just staring blankly at a distance, not doing anything in particular.

At that moment, I heard a voice from somewhere.

To be precise, I heard a voice inside my head. It was the voice of an elderly man, like a grandfather.

"If you want to get along with everyone, go over there and talk to them."

Although I accept that I hear voices in my head now, that was the first time I was actually aware of it. While I was confused, I decided to follow this voice at that moment. However, it took a great deal of courage for me. Even if it told me to talk to them, what on earth should I say? I thought for a while. As a result, I found the perfect topic for this timing, which was the last day of work. I took a deep breath and headed toward the table where my seniors were.

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Um, excuse me. I'd like to send New Year's cards to everyone, so would you mind giving me your addresses?

My seniors looked at me with surprise as I suddenly approached them and spoke with hesitation. Oh, maybe this was a bad idea, I thought, but then the two seniors who had been in charge of my training gave me their addresses. After that, the other seniors followed suit and gave me theirs one after another.

Thank you very much. I'll write the New Year's cards. When I said that, one of the seniors asked, Do you want some coffee? and made me some instant coffee. After that, I sat at that table and was able to join in their conversation for the rest of the lunch break.

During the afternoon cleaning, I worked hard while chatting with my seniors.

When I got home, I wrote the New Year's cards to my seniors and dropped them in the mailbox.

Later, a senior I was close with told me something. That day, everyone was actually surprised by you, Miyu. You just suddenly came up to us and asked for our addresses, you know. It seems I really did surprise them. But I believe that I am where I am today precisely because I followed the voice I heard in my head back then.

After the New Year began, I settled into the company as if everything up until then had been a lie. While maintaining proper boundaries, I became close with my seniors, chatted with them, went out places, and was treated very affectionately. I was able to handle my work more smoothly, and I was entrusted with more responsibilities.

My seniors treated me like a younger sister. I also began to show my true self. My position from then on became something like a funny little sister character who is a bit of a klutz.

In the spring, Hiro-chan, who would later become my best friend, joined the company mid-career, and a new recruit also joined. We were often treated as a trio, and I was able to spend my days happily and fulfilling.

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About a year later, I decided to change jobs to another company.

At the new company, although I kept up appearances and acted reserved for the first few days, I eventually spent my time there as a funny little sister character who is a bit of a klutz as well. Thanks to that, even though the new workplace had more men than the previous one, I was able to spend my time happily as everyone treated me with affection.

Moreover, at that company, I had to do customer service, which would have been my absolute least favorite thing, and I also had to do accounting work, which had been a bit of a trauma for me. It was a tough and demanding job, but I pride myself on having worked hard enough to be relied upon by those around me.

And even now, I continue to do similar work in a different place. Furthermore, in addition to email readings, I decided to do face-to-face fortune-telling, even though I am not good at talking to people I am not close with. Would the 18-year-old me have imagined such a thing? I probably didn't even think about it.

I believe that the reason I am who I am today is because of that day on the last day of work when I was 18. It is because I honestly followed the voice I heard in my head that day. I, now over 50, want to praise the 18-year-old me who made that choice with all my heart. I am who I am today precisely because I gathered my courage and took the plunge into the group of seniors back then.

If I had ignored the voice I heard, I surely wouldn't be who I am today. I might never have met the many precious people and experienced the events that I have encountered.

Thank you, 18-year-old me from that day. Thanks to all the courage you had, I am alive here today. Because from that day, from that moment, I was reborn.

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This article is a rewrite of one I wrote when I first started on note.

Thank you for reading until the end today as well♪