It's not ghost stories, it's stairs that are scary

In a previous article, I wrote about an acquaintance of my age who tumbled down the stairs and was taken away by ambulance. They said they fractured their pelvis. Ever since I heard that story, I have been (or so I thought) extremely careful when using stairs.

And yet, a week ago, while I was going down the stairs, I mistakenly thought the next step was the hallway even though there was still one step left, and for a split second, my foot wandered in mid-air before I took a spectacular tumble.

I felt like the left side of my body was in pain, but more than that, I was so shocked by the thought of 'Why, even though I was being careful?' that I couldn't get up for a while after falling.

When I sluggishly got up, it didn't seem like a serious injury, at least. The upper part of my left thigh hurt (the pain of a bruise), so I immediately cooled it with an ice pack, and it felt better.

By some stroke of luck, I didn't break any bones or hit my head, but if I had made one wrong move, it could have turned into a situation where I needed to call an ambulance. I wasn't carrying anything heavy, I was walking down lightly, and I just didn't notice the last step... I'm genuinely becoming afraid of using stairs.

In my 40s, when I was taking a lot of antidepressants, I often fell outside and even fractured the top of my foot. Because of that, even though my friends laughed at me for being 'old-lady-like,' I made sure to always act carefully, moving slowly and cautiously like an elderly person.

Perhaps because I lived my life being careful in various ways like that, I feel like I didn't encounter any major dangers in my 50s. But lately, perhaps because I am clearly aging, it seems that the way I've been careful until now is no longer enough.

Until now, I haven't been able to imagine myself in my 60s (I didn't think I would live that long), so I listened to people my age talking about 'pensions... old age... nursing care...' as if it were a story unrelated to me. I didn't think I would live long enough to receive a pension.

I've come this far without really being conscious of building a body that doesn't age or eating healthy food. I don't go out of my way to do things that are bad for my body, but I'm in a state of complete laissez-faire.

I have both the feeling that it's fine as it is, and the feeling that maybe I should think a little more about my own body and my old age, but well, I guess there's no point in thinking about this and that.

Things will only turn out the way they turn out, and I don't necessarily want to live a long life (though I respect those who are energetic even after turning 100), so isn't it fine to just be normally careful?

I will do what I want to do within my means, and I will try my best not to do what I don't want to do. I will eat as much as I want of what I want to eat. 'As much as I want' means as much as I can eat, not that I will eat until I'm stuffed.

It's important to do what you want to do so you don't have regrets, but I think it's just as important not to do what you don't want to do.

When I was young, I loved traveling and liked being in a crowd, but now I don't want to sleep anywhere other than my own bed, and while it's fun to meet people and chat occasionally, I would prefer it to be one-on-one if possible.

I like shopping, so I want to buy things I want. None of them are that expensive, but since things increase when I buy them, I try to throw away things I'm not using. I really think I have to do this, and recently, I've been making sure to throw away at least one piece of clothing or shoes every time I take out the trash.

I couldn't let go of the blanket I used when I lounged around with my dog for a long time, but I finally made up my mind and was able to throw it away. I don't use it anymore, and even without it, my mind is full of memories of my dog.

Anyway, since I don't have the energy or physical strength to do anything but a little bit at a time, I'm trying to diligently let go of at least one thing, so that by the time I reach my 60th birthday next year, I'll be clutter-free. That's right, I'll make that my goal and survive for a while.

There is exactly half a year left this year, so if I roughly calculate 30 items x 6 months, that's 180 items gone!? Now that I've expressed it in numbers, I feel like I might be able to do it.

I fell down the stairs and had other depressing things happen, but my mood has started to look up a little. Continuing to do things steadily is my recent personal trend, so I'm sure I can do it.

So that my own version of a 60th-birthday life doesn't become reckless and instead becomes something grounded, I'm going to tidy up various things little by little from now on. Without pushing myself, just taking it easy and steady.

I've been slacking off so much lately that I've been saving up my energy, so I should be fine if I push myself a little. Or rather, come on, me, try a little harder.