People can change at any time, perhaps when they feel love 💛

Recently, I have been thinking about things while talking with my aunt and supporting her.

Although I haven't fully organized my thoughts yet, I would like to write down what I am feeling as it comes to me.

I would be happy if you could join me 💛

I felt my aunt's feelings when she sought a place for her final moments outside of her relationship with her family, and the thoughts she chose to hide that sadness.

However, the words that came from my aunt were,
"I have lived alone and have been supremely happy,"
"I am glad I didn't have a family."

Of course, I believe those were her true feelings, and we have accepted those thoughts.

But I also sometimes thought that she might have been supporting her own heart by stubbornly saying that her way of life was not wrong.
I have felt this intuitively, but recently, after watching my aunt and talking with her, I have realized that those thoughts were not wrong.

I cannot tell you everything here, but due to problems and conflicts among relatives, painful and heartbreaking events, and the experience of being betrayed by someone she trusted, my aunt told me just recently that she had made the decision to
"I will live alone!"

"I will not rely on relatives; I will live alone and die alone."

But since she cannot do that, she will sign a contract with an NPO.
She said she would reach the end of her life by contracting for everything she needs to have done by others and paying for what is necessary.

With that in mind, my aunt entered into a "pre-death contract" and a "post-death administrative delegation contract" with an NPO, and
◎ No bone collection, no grave needed
◎ No funeral
◎ No inheritance left to relatives; everything bequeathed to the organization she trusts

decided on these, and even used a notarized deed.

My mother's grief when she learned of that contract was immense.
But because we also knew of my aunt's sadness, we accepted those thoughts 10 years ago.

"Just put my ashes in the NPO's communal grave,"
"A grave is the same wherever you are when you die."

But I knew.
Every time we went to visit the graves of our grandparents (my aunt and mother's parents), it was my aunt who spoke to the grave the most and wept bitterly... And that she had previously intended to enter the grandparents' grave...

If a grave were just a "place to store ashes," there would be no soul there, so no emotions should arise.
But because that is not the case, when you go to that place, you think of the deceased and tears overflow, don't they?

But still, there was a thought that decided not to enter there.
That is where my aunt's determination began.

In addition, when she created the notarized deed, she was still healthy, and she considered that the person with a blood connection, someone she could trust and love, and her legal heir—my mother—was seven years older than her, and that there were relatives she absolutely did not want to give her inheritance to after my mother passed away...

My sister will die first, and if that happens, I will have to be taken care of by my nieces and nephews,
I don't want to trouble everyone, and I don't want to be taken care of; she told me she had those thoughts as well.

After learning about my aunt's "post-death administrative delegation contract," and after my father and parents-in-law passed away, I left the childcare industry.
From the time I conveyed that I wanted to talk about and support thoughts regarding end-of-life planning, and actually deepened my involvement, she began to open her heart to me little by little and talk.

Listening to my aunt's stories and having various experiences and learning myself, I feel that
"No matter how you have lived," "Even if you had to live that way because you had no choice," and "No matter what age you are," you can choose a new way of life.
For that choice,I feel that it is important to be connected to "someone" or "something."

And that people's thoughts can sometimes change through love...

My aunt has now decided on her own:
◎To have the remains collected and interred in the grave of my mother (her sister) and grandmother (her mother), where I will also be buried (my father is also buried there)
◎To think carefully about the inheritance myself and decide after consulting with my sister (her mother)
◎That there is no need for a funeral
◎To terminate the contract with the NPO

I simply listened to my aunt's feelings and confirmed them.

That is why I want to do whatever I can to make my aunt's current wishes come true.
I hope that in the end, she will feel that she was happy.

I believe this way of thinking also comes from the words of Mother Teresa, whom I respect.

Mother・Teresa has a saying: 'Even if 99% of life is unhappy, if the final 1% is happy, then that person's life becomes a happy one. At the end of that 1% being happy, that person's life changes into a happy one.'

Of course, my aunt may have been happy for more than 90% of her life.
For the last ten years of her life, she has had to face painful events.
But instead of accepting those painful thoughts at the end of her life and letting it end that way, I want her to feel, 'I was actually loved, so I was happy,' until the very end.

It was because my aunt spoke to me that I was able to accept her feelings and support her.
And I believe that when my mother, who is seven years older, said with all her heart, 'I will see you off, you have nothing to worry about,' it made her feel, 'I have been loved.'

Perhaps it does not have to be a relative.
But 'loving' and 'loving each other' with those closest to us is, after all, a happy thing.

The song that could be called my theme song is 'Inochi no Uta' (Song of Life).
(I have posted it many times since I started posting on note.)

Vocals: Mariya Takeuchi Lyrics: miyabi Composition: Takatsugu Muramatsu

I share my thoughts on 'reconstructing family issues' partly because I was moved by Mother Teresa's words. I would like to introduce them here.

I am collecting words about family, so there may be some who do not want to hear these words, or who do not empathize or agree with them.
Even so, I would be happy if you could read to the end.

☆彡 '(When asked what we should do for world peace) Go home immediately. Go home immediately and cherish your family.'

☆彡 'Peace and war begin at home. If you truly wish for world peace, let us start by loving each other in our own homes. If you want to spread joy, it is necessary for each and every family to live with joy first.'

☆彡 'It is sometimes harder to smile at people we live with or blood relatives than it is to smile at people we are not very close to. Let us not forget that 'love begins at home.'

☆彡 'Love begins with caring for those closest to us, our family. Let us reflect on whether our husbands, wives, children, or parents feel they are not loved enough while living together and are living lonely lives.'

Family issues are very deep, and I know that there are feelings of being bound by family problems or wanting to abandon parents after suffering various forms of abuse.

There may be cases where 'reconstruction of relationships' is impossible, or where it is better not to 'reconstruct' them.

If that is the case, I believe it is also important to properly “bring things to a close” as well.

That, too, is your own choice.
But before making that choice,
perhaps your parents (family) were also suffering,
perhaps your parents (family) were also unable to love

I think it is not too late to reflect on that and confirm it first.
I believe that is what “reconstruction” means for oneself.

Also, there may be cases where one is not connected to relatives, cannot reconstruct relationships, or has no relatives at all.
In such times, I believe organizations that handle “post-mortem administrative contracts” provide support.

I may have written something slightly critical about NPOs regarding my aunt, but I think that is unavoidable given the current state of the contract.
Also, I think there are people who do not want to connect with family or relatives and feel “happy” contracting with such organizations.
There may be cases where one has no other choice.

If that is the case, I hope you choose an organization or place that is as trustworthy as possible, rather than one driven by profit.

In fact, the NPO my aunt contracted with has changed its representative and system since the time of the contract. Feeling uncomfortable with that is part of what led to this decision.

When signing a contract, I recommend listening carefully and consulting not only with yourself but also with trusted people or relevant parties.

While supporting my aunt, I wrote down the thoughts I have been feeling as they came to me.
My support for my aunt will continue from here on.
And I plan to write about it in future articles as well.

It has become a long post, but
thank you for joining me
once again
<m(__)m>

Please also read about the dream I am considering.

「書いた人】

江村恵子＠夢☆相談室・ゆるふわ雑談会です。

「恵子さん」と呼んでください。

⭐つなぎびと⭐ 元保育士／
1種幼稚園教諭／終活アドバイザー／
終活ライフケアプランナー／
身上監護アドバイザー／終活ガイド上級 ☆／
心理カウンセラー彡

好きなもの・好きなこと💓／
家族、旅行、自然、家庭菜園、空、新緑、花、
読書、俳句、おしゃべり、カーブス

尊敬する人／マザーテレサ

リアルでは
「終活アドバイザー群馬サークル」
代表。


オンラインでは、元保育者として、
母として、終活ワーカーとして
「素敵に生きる人生について」について
発信をしながら、
「ゆるふわ雑談会」を開催中。


また、仲間と立ち上げた「夢☆相談室」の室長もしています。

Twitterもしています。 
Twitterでは、
特に自分で撮った花や自然について 
投稿したり、 
同様の投稿をしている人をフォローしたり 
RTしたりしています。 

Noteとも共有で投稿することも多いです 

https://twitter.com/mix8853

よろしくお願いいたします<m(__)m>

#Aunt
#PostMortemAdministrativeContract
#PreNeedContract
#EndofLifePlanning
#EndofLife
#MotherTeresa
#SongofLife
#FamilyIssues
#Reconstruction
#MyDream
#DailyNote