[Diary of a Wandering Mind] "Keiko, you are wonderful for having lived your life working so hard too๐"
In 2025, I was given so many, many encounters that were necessary for my life.
Strangely enough, one after another...
Through those precious encounters, I was able to face myself, meet myself, and get to know a side of me I had never known before.
AndI was made to realize that "cherishing myself" is the most important thing of all.
That does not mean spoiling myself, living life putting myself first, or only doing what I like.
For the sake of my family, friends, and companions connected to me, I believe that by cherishing myself and living comfortably, it brings happiness to those around me, including myself.
It has been almost a year since I started counseling in February 2025.
There, while interacting with my counselor, I was able to learn about my traits.
HSS-type HSP
By first accepting such traits, I learned that I don't have to blame myself, and living became easier.
The counselor listened to me a lot, understood that I have a dominant sympathetic nervous system and a weak parasympathetic nervous system, and gave me various pieces of advice.
She never said, "Do this," or "You should do that."
She simply proposed ways of living that would make my parasympathetic nervous system dominant, one by one, to me who tends to default to "fight or flight," and we even had meditation time together.
"Keiko, I think it's okay to have days where you do nothing."
"You don't have to go to things you don't want to go to, right?"
"You don't have to carry everything on your own or try too hard."
While listening to my story, she carefully connected her words.
I, who didn't even really understand what "cherishing myself" meant, now little by little understand the meaning of "I cherish myself the most," and I am starting to take steps forward, little by little.
2025 was a year that could be called the trajectory of a life where I met such a self.
Even though I was made to realize it, people don't change immediately.
Because my traits come out unconsciously, as if I were breathing.
Whenever I set a goal, I inevitably end up working hard toward that goal, or sometimes I corner myself again when I can't work hard enough.
Therefore, in 2026, I will do what I want to do and have dreams, but I will not set goals for the sake of working hard,
I made "Pleasure" my character of the year,
and set my keywords for this year as
"To spend time in 'pleasure':
1. Align my heart
2. Relax my body"
deciding that I want to "live by aligning my comfortable and bright feelings and relaxing my heart and body."
In a sense, that is a way of living that also leads to"not working hard and not pushing myself."
I made that my guideline for living.
However, this year,
"I want to diet healthily" is also my dream.
The reason I want to work on a diet is not just because I want to lose weight, but because
"I want to continue to enjoy life in good health and vitality."
Since I am working on a diet for that reason, I don't want to push myself too hard or take on reckless challenges; instead, I want to continue making efforts for my dream over the course of a year, slowly and without rushing, using a method that suits my current life as a person in her 60s.
I asked about those two thoughts, which might seem contradictory, during counseling.
The words I was told at that time were,
"Keiko, you are wonderful for having lived your life working so hard, and for working hard now too๐"
that was it.
"Keiko, it is wonderful that you have faced yourself, learned about your own characteristics, and decided to cherish yourself.
And it is also wonderful that you use your strengths of 'Maximizer' and 'Ideation' to realize what will make everyone happyโfor your own sake, for others, and for the communityโand that you don't just realize it, but can work hard for it.
So, those characteristics are not bad things, and it is perfectly fine to make use of those strengths.
Keiko, you are also wonderful for having worked hard for something, and at times, for your own dreams.
You don't need to deny the way you have lived your life so far, and when you decide on a goal and want to work hard, you may do so.
But you don't have to carry it all on your own and push yourself too hard. When you are tired, it is okay to rest.
It is okay to go to a hot spring or get a massage to help you relax from the outside.
Everything is fine as it is naturally.
I think the judgment should simply be whether your heart feels natural or not.
You should just live honestly as you wish to live."
"But life isn't just full of good things; as long as we are alive, setbacks, worries, and sadness will never disappear. Challenges are always right in front of us.
There is the question of how to accept and overcome them, but you don't have to worry about that only inside your own head and heart.
Coming to counseling like this, having others heal your body, or conversely, focusing on something you can see or hear with your five senses can sometimes be necessary for a mind that is spinning in circles.
That is not running away; it is a change in perspective.
Focusing on what is right in front of you. That is also important.
This version of me is me, and the version of me I want to be is also me. That is just fine."
"Because I am the same as you, Keiko. I have worried about raising children, worried about the future, but I am happy that I became a counselor and was able to meet you, Keiko."
And so...
Wonderful encounters change your life.
In order to live as myself, it is okay for me to keep my heart calm and at peace, and to work toward my diet goals at my own pace.
After the counseling session, the next day, I happened to look at a shelf and suddenly felt like tidying it up.
While I was tidying, two books I had purchased in the past caught my eye.
I had read one of them when I bought it.
I opened that one, and when I saw the first page, my heart skipped a beat,
and as I turned the pages further and looked at the work, tears welled up in my eyes.
Then I slowly read it again.
I was moved๐งก
In addition, there was a reprint of the first 'Shadow Picture Book' written by Seiji Fujishiro included as a bound-in supplement, so I opened that as well.
I read it carefully, over and over again.
And I was also able to listen to the audio provided with the book purchase while looking at the picture book.
It was only about two hours in the morning, but I was able to spend a wonderful time.
It was a wonderful reunion with this book as well.
After that, I went to the osteopathic clinic I had booked to have my body and mind relaxed, and in the afternoon, I went to the hair salon I had reserved.
Everything filled me with comfort.
Perhaps that book was waiting for me to pick it up and read it once more.
Truly, it was a mysterious attraction; the day that started with a single book catching my eye by chance and me picking it up made me feel warm and happy, and everything that followed led to a day of cherishing myself.
I am grateful for everything ๐
Thank you for joining me
this time as well
m(_ _)m
#Counseling
#SlowlyAndCarefully
#MyTraits
#HSS-typeHSP
#SeijiFujishiro
#Attraction
#HappyDay
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