The Reason for Shifting Thinking from "Should" to "Don't"

The other day,
I discovered a wonderful tweet!

From the photo used in
Kuma's tweet,
the "10 things not to do" in human relationships is
something I deeply resonated with as I read each one.

For me personally...

2. Do not associate with people who only complain
4. Do not fear silence in conversation
8. Do not play the character expected by those around you

I resonated particularly strongly with the three above.

✔ Rules to follow for
people who are
a little tired of human relationships

I have a nature where
I want to look up things that interest me,
so...

I immediately searched online.

When I looked it up,
the following link came up.

Created by "Kana Kanoe,"
who wrote the article above,
this is the "10 things not to do" list
in human relationships.

It was originally
conceived based on the book "The List of Things Not to Do".

Kana Kanoe explains the book mentioned above
in an easy-to-understand way.

The following is a quote.

That is exactly right (〃ﾉωﾉ)

I felt that was spot on.

As people living in society, we
unconsciously spend our time
dominated by the fixed idea that we "should" do things.

"Parents should be role models for their children"
"Parents should get along with each other"
"Bosses should be good listeners to their subordinates"
"Subordinates should
always agree with their boss's opinions"
"You should be nice to everyone"
"Women should walk one step behind men"

And so on... without realizing it,
we lean toward "should" thinking,
impose unnecessary rules on ourselves,
and go about our daily lives.

✔ Rules that make life difficult
"Should"

If you create rules about what you "should" do,
you may feel like you are affirming your way of life
and gain strong self-confidence.

Something only I can do—you may feel this way
and gain an intense sense of mission.

However, on the contrary,
if you start thinking "I should do everything,"
then you are in trouble.

You end up denying the words, actions,
and even the way of life of others...

It doesn't stop at denying others;
next, you yourself
will be unable to make correct judgments
due to the rules you created,
which will ultimately lead to losses.

Even though "good things should be good"...

Because of "should" thinking, which leads to biased thoughts,
perceiving even good things as badis a very wasteful way of thinking.

Also, when you think in terms of "should,"
you tend to lean toward thinking that cares about appearances.

In a daily life where you worry about what others think
and cannot even say what you really think,
you will eventually be crushed by stress
and end up suffering a major setback.

✔ From "I should" to
"I won't"

When you think "I should," you inevitably end up thinking
"I have to" or "It's only natural to do this,"
which makes you lean forward too much and narrows your scope of thinking.

Also, rather than respecting your own opinions, you end up basing your thoughts on the oppressive opinions of those around you,

"living life on your own terms" and are forced into a life that is far removed from that.

What is important is
"living as yourself."

In the article mentioned above,
pha, the author of "The List of Things Not to Do," stated this.

It makes your heart feel
much lighter, doesn't it? ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ

To free yourself from the
"shackles" of society...

For that purpose, it is recommended that you try deciding
'I won't do this' as a rule for your life.
as a way to spend your time.

* * * * *

The shift in thinking from "I should" to "I won't"
also relates to the
"habits" that are my theme.

A common trait among people who say,
"I gave up on my habit" or "I quit,"
is a tendency to fall into a mindset that feels like a compulsive concept, such as "I should."

Certainly, when you first start a habit,
thinking "I should"
feels like it can be transformed into strong motivation.

But in the end, behind "I should,"
"being yourself" is not included.

You unconsciously think "I should" while comparing yourself to others somewhere,
and eventually, you get tired of comparing
and end up quitting the habit.

Instead of that...

What is truly important
is "not doing" things.

My"not doing" rule for posting on noteis that once I sit down in front of my computer,

"I will not stand up until I open the note screen."
That is it.

By doing that, I have single-mindedly
continued to write articles every day.

Thinking about it now, the rule above
fit perfectly as a rule
for continuing in my own way.

I was able to realize once again that people who can keep going
are truly those who value themselves
and can spend their time without comparing themselves to others.

I would be happy if you could
share your "not doing" rule
in the comments.

Well then, until next time.
Goodbye.