Not Just Sharing Childcare: 3 Lessons Learned from a Week of 'Trying to Do Everything I Can Alone'

There is a huge wall between 'sharing' and 'doing it alone',
and the experience you gain is completely different.

I started my paternity leave in March, and shortly after it began, my wife fell ill with a fever. This sickness lasted for about a week, but looking back, I feel that the experience during that time was a significant lesson that I could only have learned during that period.

For men who are about to take paternity leave or those who think of childcare in terms of 'sharing,' this might provide some hints. This time, I would like to organize what I saw during that week.

My wife fell ill right after paternity leave started. — A suddenly presented opportunity

A few days after my paternity leave began, while I was spending time with our month-and-a-half-old daughter, my wife became unwell.

Fortunately, it wasn't the flu or COVID, and both my daughter and I were healthy—
but the following week became a time of

'trying to do everything I could by myself'

.

This was an experience I gained by chance, but now I think this:

It became such a valuable time.

What I saw by doing it 'all by myself' instead of just sharing childcare

First, I want to say that
I am not trying to brag by saying, 'I managed to do it all alone! Aren't I great?'

In reality, I had to rely on my wife for breastfeeding, and just having her in the same house provided a sense of security.
Also, my daughter is only a month old. She isn't at the stage where she moves around so much that you can't take your eyes off her, and compared to those who have older children to care for at the same time, this is hardly what you would call 'solo parenting.'

However, even in those circumstances, by trying to do as much as I could on my own, what I felt strongly was,

That is what it means.

From here on, I have summarized the week I spent 'trying to do everything' and the changes I experienced.For those about to go on parental leave or those who intended to share housework and childcare, there were several realizations I 'wish I had known sooner.'

・What kind of week will it be?・Is it difficult when you try it yourself?
・What kind of lessons can be learned?
Please read this while imagining these things.

What my daily routine was actually like

Morning
It starts with waking up to crying and asking my wife to breastfeed first.
I get up around 8:00 or 9:00 AM. I open the curtains, and the day begins.

Morning hours
Wipe the face, neck, and hands with gauze, then apply moisturizer. Check and change diapers.
Taking advantage of when the baby is in a good mood, I quickly finish chores like laundry, washing dishes, and hanging out the laundry.

Once the chores are done, it's time for holding and playing. If the baby looks sleepy, I put her to sleep before she gets fussy.
However, she wakes up as soon as I put her in the bed, so I hold her again... This cycle repeats many times.

When she finally falls asleep, I look at my phone or take a little time for myself.

Afternoon
Depending on my wife's condition, I prepare a simple lunch like udon. On sunny days, we go for a walk.
Even in the afternoon, while watching over her while she sleeps, it's a time to relax.
There were times I soothed her together with my wife, who had recovered a bit.

In between, I change diapers and make formula. I wash and sterilize the baby bottles immediately.
This is around the time I start to get a 'rhythm' of my own.

Evening
I'm not good at preparing dinner, so I start quite early. In the middle, I bring in the laundry and prepare for the bath.
I set out clothes, diapers, towels, and moisturizing supplies in the bathroom.

For the bath, the expression on my daughter's face the moment she gets into the warm water was incredibly cute and was my daily comfort.
Even though it was tough on my lower back from bending over...

After that, it's moisturizing, cleaning up, breastfeeding (wife), and finishing dinner.

Night to late night
After dinner, it's time to put her to sleep again.
The loop of her waking up when I put her in the bed continues, but I persist for 1 to 2 hours.

Once she falls asleep, I wash dishes and fold laundry. I finally take a break and relax while watching YouTube or similar.
I take a bath and prepare for the crying time between 11:00 PM and 1:00 AM.

Since I might not notice her crying in the middle of the night, I would ask my wife to 'wake me up if she cries' before going to sleep.

3 changes gained in just one week

1. My reaction to the child's crying changed
→ Even when she cries, I don't panic, I stay calm first, and I gained more composure in childcare

(2) Deepened awareness and appreciation for housework and childcare
→ I was able to gain a tangible understanding of the 'invisible burdens' of daily life that my partner might experience after returning from parental leave.

(3) Gained confidence and changed my sense of roles within the home
→ My conversations with my wife have changed, and housework is no longer just a 'task' but a 'team effort'.

For men on parental leave, even if it's just for a short period, I sincerely recommend
trying to do 'everything' instead of just sharing duties.

Even in just one week, the view you see will change completely.

I gained so much from this experience.

I have come to appreciate much more than before how 'dinner is being prepared while I'm getting the bath ready'.

That is precisely why
I want you to try doing everything first before you start dividing up tasks.

Even if it's only for a week, I am sure it will change the way you interact with your family.