Unvaccinated/Non-vaccinated Matchmaking [Interview with an Active Psychiatrist] For those who are tired of matchmaking, not having success, feeling distressed, or wanting to quit
Matchmaking is about finding someone you like, becoming mutual, dating, and getting married, so it should inherently be a fun experience.
However, it is a fact that there are people who are tired of matchmaking, or who feel that things are not going well, that it is painful, or that they want to quit.
In reality, there are likely more people who find matchmaking difficult than those for whom it goes smoothly.
In this article, we interviewed Dr. Hiroyuki Ono, the director of the psychiatric clinic "Ono Clinic" located in Higashimurayama City, Tokyo, about matchmaking fatigue.
*Ono Clinic is currently not accepting new patients for its matchmaking fatigue outpatient service.
Please do not call to make an appointment for matchmaking fatigue as we cannot accommodate you.
Dr. Hiroyuki Ono Profile
Biography
1984: Graduated from the University of Tokyo Faculty of Medicine, Department of Medicine; joined the Department of Neurology at the University of Tokyo Hospital Branch.
1994: Assistant Professor and Chief of Medical Staff in the same department.
1995: Lecturer and Ward Chief in the same department.
2001: Lecturer and Outpatient Chief, Department of Neuropsychiatry, The University of Tokyo Hospital.
2002: Worked at Seiwa Hospital, affiliated with the Neuropsychiatric Research Institute.
2005: Associate Professor at Tokyo University of the Arts, worked at the Health Service Center.
2009: Worked at Yamashita Clinic, Medical Corporation Hihakukai.
June 2011: Opened "Ono Clinic" and became its director.
Related page: Ono Clinic Director Profile
Watch the video [Interview with an Active Psychiatrist] For those who are tired of matchmaking, not having success, feeling distressed, or wanting to quit
Interview with an active psychiatrist: "For those who are tired of matchmaking, not having success, feeling distressed, or wanting to quit"
Interviewer (Representative of Marriage Consultation Online)
Matchmaking should be fun, but I often feel that many people are suffering from "matchmaking fatigue."
The specific characteristics I observe in the field of marriage consultation are the following three points.
The more serious a person is, the more likely they are to experience matchmaking fatigue.
People experience matchmaking fatigue because they do not fully understand that what is required in work and what is required in matchmaking are different.
People with high self-esteem tend to succeed in matchmaking, while those with low self-esteem tend to experience matchmaking fatigue.
First, I would like to ask Dr. Hiroyuki Ono about the statement that "the more serious a person is, the more likely they are to experience matchmaking fatigue." From your perspective as a practicing psychiatrist, how do you feel about this?
Reasons why more serious people are more likely to experience matchmaking fatigue
Dr. Hiroyuki Ono (Director of Ono Clinic)
I believe that people who are earnest are those who value matchmaking highly or place great importance on it.Furthermore, matchmaking is a place where you evaluate the other person while also being evaluated by them. It is fine if the evaluation from the other person is high, but if you are rejected by them, the degree of self-negation becomes stronger the more you value matchmaking.
I believe that the more you value matchmaking, the stronger the degree of self-negation becomes when you are not accepted by the other person, and that this is what leads to matchmaking fatigue.
Interviewer
I would like to move on to the second topic.
Regarding the idea that 'what is required in work and what is required in matchmaking are different,' specifically for women, their professional success is not highly valued in matchmaking, and they often get tired of the process because they are judged by men on things they cannot control, such as youth, appearance, upbringing (family background), and personality.
Also, for men, while professional success is of course an important element in matchmaking, I observe that things do not go well because they are required to have skills different from work, such as smart manners and overall romantic competence.
Dr. Ono, what are your thoughts on the idea that 'what is required in work and what is required in matchmaking are different'?
Regarding the idea that what is required in work and what is required in matchmaking are different
Dr. Hiroyuki Ono
I do not find it strange that there are multiple axes of evaluation, such as for work and for matchmaking. Regarding men, I feel it is effective for matchmaking counselors to provide advice that compensates for the areas where their matchmaking techniques are lacking.
Interviewer
What about in the case of women?
Dr. Hiroyuki Ono
In the case of women, they may not be imagining that they could be rejected or denied in matchmaking.In other words, there is a thought lurking somewhere that because they are doing well at work, they will also do well in matchmaking. Because they have this fantasy within themselves, so to speak, they may not be able to accept the reality that they have been rejected by the other person. I believe that matchmaking fatigue is likely to occur because this fantasy or overconfidence that 'I will be fine' is shattered, but in that case as well, I feel that technical (matchmaking skill-based) methods would be useful, just as they are for men.
In other words, I think it is best to decide how to approach or respond to them based on the understanding that this is how men think.
Interviewer
I felt that the 'fantasy' Dr. Ono mentioned has the nuance of groundless confidence.When that groundless confidence is shattered by the reality of matchmaking, you provide advice on how to respond to the other person to improve the relationship.
Am I correct in understanding that what you mean is that by providing appropriate technical advice for matchmaking, matchmaking fatigue will be resolved, or it will become less likely to occur?
Dr. Hiroyuki Ono
Yes, I think that is almost correct.
Interviewer
I would like to move on to the third topic.
Regarding the idea that 'people with high self-esteem tend to have an easier time with matchmaking, while those with low self-esteem are prone to matchmaking fatigue,' I feel that in matchmaking where conditions carry weight, people with high self-esteem tend to progress smoothly even if they have disadvantages in elements such as educational background, annual income, or appearance, whereas conversely, even if their conditions are good, people with low self-esteem tend to have difficulty progressing smoothly and are prone to matchmaking fatigue.
When I listen to stories from the front lines of matchmaking, I sometimes feel that the depth of one's self-esteem is a deeply rooted issue, as it is heavily influenced by one's childhood environment.
Dr. Ono, what are your thoughts on the idea that "people with high self-esteem tend to succeed in matchmaking, while those with low self-esteem are more prone to matchmaking burnout"?
People with high self-esteem tend to succeed in matchmaking, while those with low self-esteem are more prone to matchmaking burnout
Dr. Hiroyuki Ono
I don't think people with high self-esteem become an issue in matchmaking. The conversation should be about how people with low self-esteem should respond when they are rejected by a partner during matchmaking, and how counselors can best support them.
Interviewer
What can people who don't have high self-esteem do to make their matchmaking process go more smoothly?
Dr. Hiroyuki Ono
In life, I don't think we live by just one evaluation axis (meaning an axis that you value within yourself). We usually live by several evaluation axes, but being serious about matchmaking means that matchmaking is placed at an extremely high position among those several evaluation axes. Therefore, when you have a negative experience, such as being rejected by a partner, the impact is significant. That is how the mechanism works.
You need to resolve the fact that matchmaking is at an extremely high position compared to other evaluation axes.
Therefore, even among various evaluation axes, it is necessary to place more weight on things other than matchmaking and bring matchmaking down from its extremely high position to a normal one.
Other evaluation axes can be hobbies or anything else. For example, if you take exercise, it is a place where you are evaluated, so if you accumulate positive experiences in such places, I think you can lower the position of the matchmaking evaluation axis, which has become too high, to a normal level.
Interviewer
Thank you for your time today.
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After the Interview: Impressions from the Marriage Agency Operator (Interviewer)
What was impressive about this interview was the point that "people prone to matchmaking burnout = people for whom the priority of matchmaking is extremely high." This goes beyond simply meaning someone who is serious or earnest about matchmaking; it includes the implication that one's entire life has become matchmaking.
That is precisely why Dr. Ono repeatedly mentioned in the interview that you should "have multiple evaluation axes."
It is true that matchmaking is a battle against time because age becomes important. However, if your entire life becomes matchmaking, you will easily experience burnout, and your charm will not be easily conveyed to your partner.
People who enjoy their daily lives look attractive even to the eyes of the opposite sex.
I hope you will enjoy matchmaking while trying to live a life that is less prone to burnout.