It's okay to get angry. Just don't let it linger. — A pediatrician and father's take on parenting and anger

Since I've already covered pachinko, AI, and general medical topics,
I'll try writing about parenting next.

First, I need to state a disclaimer.
This is my own personal opinion.
It is not parenting advice based on scientific evidence.

I am simply writing about what I have felt while raising my own children
and while talking to parents in my clinic.
Therefore, rather than using this as a reference,

I would be happy if you could just relate to it.
It's pathetic for a doctor to say this, but

if this resonates with even one person, I would be happy.
I will likely repeat this several times in the future, but


doctors, even pediatricians, are not experts in 'child-rearing.' At the very least, we don't learn about parenting in medical school.

We study 'development' and 'diseases,' such as

at how many months a baby can hold their head up,
when they start walking,
or when they start speaking.

Doctors also perform health checkups.

But many of you have likely experienced learning how to breastfeed or burp a baby from a public health nurse,
or learning about baby food from a nutritionist.
In other words, when doctors talk about parenting,
it is mostly something they learned on their own after becoming pediatricians.

With that premise in mind,
I want you to read this story.
I will repeat this premise several times.

I would appreciate it if you didn't get annoyed by it.
Being trusted too much is a form of overconfidence, so

please let me set some firm boundaries today.

Now then.

As I am feeling right now myself,
no matter how old they are, there are times when you will get angry at your children.

In infancy,
'Why won't you drink your milk?'
'Why are you throwing up now?'
'Please don't put everything in your mouth.'

As they grow,
the 'terrible twos' mean they will say 'no' to everything you do.

When they get even bigger,
they will likely talk back
or say things that sound like they're all grown up
(though I haven't experienced that yet).

On the other hand,
I think many people have heard that
'you shouldn't get angry when parenting.'

Actually, this is scientifically correct.

The WHO and the American Academy of Pediatrics state that
yelling or harsh scolding
can increase problematic behavior
and lead to depression, anxiety, and lower self-esteem.

That much is a valid argument.

So, what should we do?

What is often said in parent training and the like is
to convey things in a calm tone, repeatedly, over and over,
when dealing with problematic behavior or when they don't do what you want them to do.

……No, no, is that even possible?

I'm fighting in the heat of the moment here.
I'm angry because I don't have that kind of leeway.

Even if I know it's not good,
there are times when I get angry.

That's why I tell parents in my clinic like this:

'Please don't blame yourself for getting angry.'

As a general rule,
everyone sort of knows that 'you shouldn't get angry.'
But in reality, many people are always angry and

end up thinking, 'I'm a bad parent.'
Parents are human, too.

We have emotions.
The world is made of clashes between emotions.

Even if parents don't get angry,
the moment when a child is exposed to someone else's anger
will definitely come eventually.
So, there is no need to lower your own self-esteem

just because you got angry.
So, what should you do?


What I think is most important

is how you act after you've been angry.
When you accidentally get angry,

it's not good to drag that angry attitude on for a long time afterward.
Get angry at the action itself.
But at other times,

make a conscious effort to interact normally.
Stop staying in a bad mood
and continuing to project an angry atmosphere.

Of course,
it's not good to always be in an angry state.

You need to control yourself, separate from your emotions.
……Am I doing that?

If I'm not careful,
I tend to keep that angry attitude going.

I, too, have been getting angry a lot lately, especially at my 3-year-old eldest son.

He has started doing things on purpose
that I told him not to do.

It's fine inside the house, but
outside,

there are times when he puts himself in danger
or might cause trouble for others.

At those times, I get angry.
(Oh, corporal punishment is a no-go. Absolutely.
This is never good at any time.
'I was hit when I was a kid' doesn't fly anymore.

I want you to stop the cycle of negativity yourself.)

After getting angry,
I also tend to get sulky.
But I make a conscious effort to
interact normally except for the things that are not allowed.

In the first place, when you get angry,
isn't it often the case that you don't have any leeway yourself?

If you could predict that the behavior was about to happen,
you might have been able to deal with it beforehand


and avoid getting that angry.

Many people are at their wits' end, saying,
'It's just constant problematic behavior...'

So,
let's think a little bit about what adults can do in advance.
……That said,

some people don't even have the leeway to think that far.
You don't have to push yourself.

Calm your anger and interact normally.
Doesn't this also lead to anger management in work, friendships, and daily life?
If you can do it with your children,

it will surely be useful in various situations in work, friendships,
and daily life.

While raising children,

parents grow together, too.
I think that is the real thrill of parenting.

This has become long, but
this is what I want to convey most today.

To those who blame themselves for always being angry:

You don't need to blame yourself for that.


However,



I would like you to think just a little bit about how you handle things after you get angry.

If you are so desperate that you can't even think about that,
it is possible that your own mind and body are at their limit,
or that the child's behavioral issues are too severe.
Please don't carry it alone.
Anyone is fine. A medical institution is fine, too.
Just please, talk to someone.
That's what I wanted to talk about today.
Since the personal stories I've been posting on Tuesdays have come to a stopping point, I'm thinking of writing about something a bit lighter—
my own parenting.
As for so-called 'general parenting advice,'
I will continue to post those as one-offs as I have been doing.

This article is

like a 'trial run' for that.
The selling point is that I'm creating the text with AI, but
for some reason, this text was hardly corrected by the AI at all.

Thinking that it's not doing its job,


I think it's probably because my emotions were coming through just as they were.
The writing style is different from usual,

so I'm sorry if it was hard to read.
If you'd like, please let me know in the comments

whether you prefer this kind of writing
or the usual polished style,


and I will use it as a reference for future adjustments.