Thinking about Mirai no Niwa: What it means to 'listen' to children's voices
Hello!
This is Hamada🌱
This time, I would like to think together with you all
about the theme of 'listening to children's voices'.
This is not a topic with a single correct answer,
but a challenge that we adults are also exploring every day.
I hope this article will serve as an opportunity to bring
small insights into your daily parenting life.
Listening to the unseen voice
'Listening' is not simply picking up words with your ears.
It is noticing the thoughts and feelings that have not yet become words,
which lie beyond the words the child utters.
It begins by first firmly 'seeing'
the child's very existence.
Noticing that a child's expression is clouded
while getting ready in the busy morning.
Sensing that something happened at school
on a walk home that is quieter than usual.
Having eyes and a heart that do not miss
the small signs that have not yet become words.
That may be the first step to truly 'listening'.
Deciphering children's sign language
Children sometimesexpress their feelings
in ways other than words.
The very moment we adults feel is 'troublesome behavior'
is actually where an important message is hidden.
Saying the same thing over and over
A child who repeats the same words over and over,
saying, 'Mom, you know, you know...'
Behind that,
there may be a hidden feeling of
“I actually want to say something else, but I can't put it into words well.”
Spilling water or dropping things on purpose
Behind the behavior of repeatedly spilling water during meals,
there may be a desperate desire
to be noticed or to have attention focused on them.
This is a behavior that tends to appear especially when parents are busy,
or after a younger sibling is born.
Suddenly becoming willful
When a child who is usually obedient suddenly starts insisting,
“I want this!”
“I don't want that!”
Behind that,
there may be hidden self-assertion or anxiety, such as
“I want to have Mom all to myself” or “I want to show that I exist.”
To notice a child's signs,
you need the mental space to imagine not just the surface of their behavior,
but the emotions and circumstances behind it.
“Why are they doing this now?”
“What is this child feeling right now?”
The habit of thinking this way becomes the power to listen to a child's unspoken voice.
The soil where true feelings are spoken
Children are surprisingly sensitive.
“Will this person really listen to what I have to say?”
“Will I be scolded for saying this?”
“Will they understand me?”
They are constantly carrying such anxieties.
An environment where true feelings can be spoken
is born from small, daily accumulations:
Moments of empathizing with their feelings instead of just scolding them for mistakes
The courage for an adult to honestly answer “I don't know” when asked “Why?”
Experiences where the child's opinion is reflected in family decisions
Daily life that naturally shows that adults are not perfect either
Even while preparing dinner,
or during the short time before bed,
showing an attitude of “I am listening to you right now”
becomes the soil that draws out a child's true feelings.
“Unspoken thoughts” that adults also carry
In fact, we adults sometimes harbor similar psychology.
"I want you to notice, but you don't"
"I wish you would just be considerate without me having to ask"
"You can tell just by looking, right?"
Even while thinking these things,
it is often hard to speak one's true feelings,
and we may try to show them through indirect expressions or attitudes.
Deliberately showing signs of fatigue,
sighing, falling silent—
Behind such behavior,
"I want help"
"I want to be acknowledged"
honest feelings like these may be hidden.
For both children and adults,
expressing true feelings honestly in words is surprisingly difficult.
That is precisely why
a relationship where we can notice each other's small signs
fosters deep trust and understanding.
Being a trusted adult
Children only share their true feelings
when they have the trust that "this person is safe."
That trust is built
through small daily acts of sincerity,
such as keeping promises,
not telling lies,and not dismissing a child's feelings.
Sometimes, in front of a child,admitting one's own mistakes or honestly saying "I don't know" when you don't
is also an important moment for deepening a relationship of trust.
In the busyness of dual-income households,
quality of time becomes more important than quantity.
Even if it is for a short time,
give 100% of your attention to the child in front of you during that moment.
Put down your smartphone, pause your housework,
and show the attitude of "I am listening only to you right now."
The accumulation of such small moments
is likely the key to opening a child's heart.
When you encounter a child's "troublesome behavior,"
first take a deep breath and think.
"What is this child trying to tell me right now?"
That moment of composure becomes the first step toward listening to a child's true voice.
Children learn more from our attitudes
than from the words we adults speak.
Even when busy,
even when tired,
look the child in the eye,
and listen to their voice.
The accumulation of such small daily moments
becomes the essential foundation that supports a child's emotional growth.
At Mirai no Niwa, we too
continue to explore how we interact with children every day.
We believe that a child'ssense of being 'listened to'becomes the foundation for
self-esteem and a sense of security, and is the source that generates rich learning.
If you have any insights or tips from your own parenting,
please do share them with us.
Let's nurture the future of our children together♪
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