The Truth About 'Not Being Good with People' - I Was Tired of 'Losing My Freedom'

As Golden Week approaches, I feel a bit melancholy.
I don't really like the long holidays that everyone else gets excited about.

Everyone is getting excited about what to do
under the assumption that they will be with someone,
but I just want to spend my time quietly at home.

I want to talk to no one, go at my own pace, and do only what I want to do.

Even replying to LINE messages becomes a chore,
and when I'm truly exhausted, just getting a notification makes my heart ache a little.

However, when I say things like this,

"You're not good with people, are you?"
"You should go out more."
"It's a waste to stay in when you have time off."

I get responses like these.

At times like these, I nod along with a forced smile, but that's not it.

It's not that I dislike people.
It's just that"being with people" comes with a cost.

It's not that I hate meeting people, it's that losing my freedom is exhausting.

More than meeting people itself, I feel tired from
the sensation of having my time taken away.

Once plans are made, that time is no longer completely my own.

What time to leave.
What to wear.
Where to go.
What time I can get home.
What to talk about.
How to behave.

I find myself unconsciously thinking about such trivial things the whole time.

Even while I'm with them, I can't fully let my guard down.

It's not that spending time with people is painful.
Having time flow at a pace other than my ownis what makes me tired.

I have to keep the conversation going.
I have to make sure the atmosphere doesn't get awkward.
I have to check if the other person is bored.

Thoughts like those are constantly swirling around in my head.

Perhaps, for people who get tired just by being with others,
it's not that they are bad at "conversation,"
but that they are tired from constantly being conscious of others.

Time alone is not a luxury, it is recovery.

Therefore, for me, time spent alone
is not a way to kill time,
but essential time for recovery.

You can decide for yourself what to do and what not to do.

It's okay to lounge around.
It's okay to suddenly want to go out.
It's okay to read books for hours.
It's okay to do nothing and just sleep.

You don't have to accommodate anyone.

This state of 'having complete control over myself' is more comfortable than anything else.

I think people who like time alone
don't necessarily love loneliness, but rather
love their freedominstead.

People you can be comfortable with do exist

Even though I'm like this,
there were people I wanted to see frequently in the past.

But thinking back now, I believe that was
because I 'didn't get tired of being with them'.

You don't have to force conversation even when in the same space.
A space that works even if you are doing different things.
Silence isn't awkward, and
you don't have to be overly considerate.

In other words, I think
it's not that I dislike being with people itself, but rather
that I am not good at'relationships where I have to keep being considerate'.

For this type of person, being a little selfish is fine

The more considerate you are of others,
the more you think it's 'normal' to accommodate them.

However, such people are already being considerate enough
just by acting normally.

Therefore,I think being a little selfish is just right
.

If you don't want to go, you can decline.
If you don't want to reply, you can do it later.
If you don't feel like seeing someone, you don't have to force yourself to meet them.

If there are people who drift away because of that,
I believe that relationship was one that would have required
constant strain to maintain anyway.

There is no 'correct answer' for a day off

It's fine if some people go out on their days off.
It's fine if some people recharge by spending time with others.

However, there are also people who recharge by staying home alone.
Being with people is not a requirement for life.

Spending time with someone is not the only
proof of a 'fulfilling day off'.

There is certainly an atmosphere that suggests 'going out' or 'spending time with others' is the correct answer.

But someone else's correct answer is not necessarily your own.

If you feel happy spending a day off alone in a quiet room,
I think that means you know a way of living that suits you.