Bipolar Disorder | 5 Years Later, the Sound That Saved Me on the Night the World Stood Still

2020. The COVID-19 pandemic.
The world suddenly stopped.

I couldn't go outside.
I couldn't meet anyone.
My plans were disappearing.

I can say now that it was a difficult year.
But back then, I was in a place where the word "difficult" didn't even begin to cover it.

I have bipolar disorder.

I have always had my ups and downs.
There are days when I'm too energetic, and days when I can't get out of bed.

However, the pandemic shook those waves—quietly, but surely.

When society as a whole becomes unstable,
it becomes easier for my own mental balance to collapse.

If I looked at the news, there were infection numbers.
If I opened social media, there was anxiety and anger.
My future plans were wiped clean.

The state of "not being able to see what lies ahead"
was something very dangerous for me, with my bipolar disorder.

I couldn't do anything.
I couldn't meet anyone.
It was a feeling as if my very existence was becoming lighter.

The nights back then were too quiet.

The outside was truly silent,
there were few car sounds,
and it felt as if the world had stopped breathing.

In that silence,
I would put on my headphones and listen to a certain song over and over.

[re:] / "Once More" (Mou Ichido).

It is a song born during the pandemic that supported the hearts of many people.
A message trying to look forward.
Words trying to stand up despite everything.

I truly believe it was a song of salvation.

But to be honest,
I cried many times while listening to this song.

The words "once more"
sounded like hope on some days,
but on other days, they felt too far away and painful.

The day will come when we can meet once more.
The day will come when we can laugh once more.

Even though it sang those things,
there was no guarantee anywhere that that "once more" would actually come.

Even so, I think that I
had not completely given up.

It's okay if you can't stand up.
It's okay if you can't look forward.

Even while I remained at a standstill,
the me who was listening to music was alive.

[re:] / "Once More" is
a song that doesn't tell you to force yourself to be strong.

It was a song that quietly stayed by my side,
telling me it was okay to remain shaken.

If there is someone out there right now spending a slightly anxious night,

I would like you to gently play this song,
just like I did back then.

I am sure it will stay close to your "now" as well.

Mio