It's okay to go slowly. Even if you stop along the way, you are still moving forward.
Rebuilding your heart takes much longer than you might think.
There are days when, no matter if I sleep, walk, or talk, my heart just doesn't feel clear.
But even so—I am moving forward, little by little.
Perhaps, even as I write this, I am still 'in the middle of the journey'.
🌿Chapter 1: It's hard to 'try not to try'
Since I quit my job, I've thought about it many times.
'I don't want to push myself anymore.'
'I want to live true to my heart.'
But in reality, I never imagined that 'not trying' would be this difficult.
Even when I wake up in the morning and think, 'I'll take it easy today,'
I find myself pushing myself, thinking, 'I have to do things properly.'
It feels like my body is resting, but my mind is still running constantly.
I feel anxious when I see people around me working hard, and
when I open social media, someone is always running ahead of me.
'Am I being left behind?'
That anxiety has been buzzing deep in my chest for a long time.
☁️Chapter 2: The time when I was afraid to rest
I still remember the first month after I quit my job.
I couldn't settle down no matter what I did, and I felt restless even at home.
I'd open my computer thinking, 'I have to do something,' but
my hands would stop, and my mind would be blank.
I would blame myself for that, and my mood would sink even further.
In truth, 'resting' takes courage, doesn't it?
Because we have always been expected to 'live productively' in society,
I feel like I'm 'being lazy' just by spending time quietly.
But now, I feel like I'm starting to be able to let go of that way of thinking, little by little.
🌤️Chapter 3: Days of finding 'small accomplishments'
Lately, I've been consciously trying to praise myself
for the 'things I was able to do, even just a little bit'.
・I woke up on time
・I folded the laundry
・I went outside and soaked up the sun
・I ate my meals properly
It's really just that.
But strangely, those small accumulations
are helping me regain that 'sense of valuing myself' little by little.
Rather than working hard,
being able to feel that 'I am truly living' is
much more important to me now.
🌿Chapter 4: It's okay to have days when your heart feels heavy
Honestly, I still have my ups and downs even now.
There are days when I don't want to do anything,
and days when my heart feels so heavy I can't move.
But it is precisely because those days exist,
that I have come to appreciate the 'ordinary days'.
Before, I used to think,
'When will I ever be completely healed?'I only ever thought about things like that.
But lately,
'It doesn't have to be completely healed. It's enough if I can just live with it well.'
I've started to be able to think that way.
It doesn't have to be perfect.
Even if there are days when I feel down, that isn't a setback, but rather 'humanity',
I feel like I've finally been able to understand that.
🌙 Chapter 5: There is value in 'continuing'
Although I post on social media about 'trying to stay positive',
I myself am just doing my best to get through each day.
But I think that's okay.
I don't want to be a perfect person; I just want to be a person who truly has a heart.
Even if I'm not perfect, I want to be someone who can be close to how others feel.
So today, too, I will live carefully without pushing myself too hard.
Writing is a part of that.
I've become able to be a little proud of 'the me who is writing here right now'.
🌈 Summary
・Resting is not 'laziness' but an 'act of recovery'
・Don't rush; it's enough to just praise yourself for what you were able to do
・Having ups and downs is natural; it's actually 'human'
・You don't have to be perfect; it's fine to just move forward little by little
🌙 Afterword
I am still in the middle of my journey.
There are days when I'm doing well, and days when my heart feels heavy.
But I believe that 'living in the now' like this,
is the greatest form of progress.
Please praise yourself for surviving today as well.
Because that alone is something of great value.