I have long turned my back on the term 'Highly Sensitive Person'

'I am an HSP.'

I just cannot bring myself to say those words.

It feels as though I am carrying my own struggles like a designer brand, forcing those around me to 'please be considerate, because I have a hard time.' I have a strong resistance to that.

I pretend to be a 'normal person,' manage impossible social interactions, and endure noise with a calm face.
I never doubted that this was the 'correct answer' as an adult and as a working professional.

However, even if I can hide it from those around me, I can no longer look away from myself.
The result of a self-diagnosis of being an 'HSS-type HSP,' which is introverted and sensitive to stimuli...
What was driving me were these three desperate reactions.

• Forced shutdown due to 'emotional saturation'

I keep picking up on someone's mood or the atmosphere of a room in 4K resolution, and by the end of the day, my thoughts feel as heavy as mud. This is not 'fatigue,' but a manifestation of the system's limits.

• A survival strategy called 'silence'

I do not avoid lively places or glamorous social interactions because I am ashamed of my introverted self. It is because if I do not, I cannot maintain myself.

• Excessive vigilance toward 'change'

The buzz peculiar to the time when the environment changes is as painful as a needle prick on my skin. I just stand there, stunned by the temperature difference between me and those around me who are excited.

The real reason I did not want to call myself a 'Highly Sensitive Person' was that I was afraid to admit that I am a 'person who is easily hurt, easily discouraged, and difficult to handle.'
I did not want to be thought of as using my weakness as a license, coating it with the term HSP to escape from fighting.

But that very rejection was what was cornering me.

The more I deceived myself and pretended to be 'normal,' the thinner my existence became, and it stopped catching anyone's eye.

The new fiscal year.
I will likely have more opportunities to be aware of and confront this 'intense sensitivity.'
Even so, I will not actively go around saying 'I am an HSS-type HSP' from now on.

I will simply continue to quietly and persistently convert this hypersensitivity within me into words.

Not to wave a flag and gather companions, but like lighting a small lamp to illuminate the feet of someone walking in the dark all alone...

I want to pledge such a 'quiet resistance' at the start of the new fiscal year.

Thank you for reading today as well.
Supported by your 'likes 💖,' I was able to post again today.