[Family Meeting Report] My Preparation as a Perfectionist and My Regrets After It Was Over @ Kyoto Saami

We have finished our family meeting dinner before our marriage registration.

Perhaps because I am a perfectionist, the preparation was more difficult than I expected, but I will summarize the points we were glad we focused on and the points I regretted after the day was over.

I wrote in such detail from choosing the restaurant to clothing and photography that it reached over 6,000 characters...! Haha. Please use it as a reference, even if it is just for the items you are curious about.

My honest thoughts after finishing the meeting

In a word, it was "It was tough! Haha".
We didn't do a formal engagement ceremony and the preparation period was only weekends for two months, but there was so much to do that I thought a wedding might be impossible, and I got two canker sores haha.

Although I can think of a mountain of regrets like "I should have done this more... I want to go back to that timing...", the best thing is that we finished it peacefully without any major trouble.

Schedule for the day of the meeting

We assumed the following flow, and it proceeded almost as planned.
Since there are many people and some are meeting for the first time, we have included plenty of events so that we wouldn't struggle for topics.

I was worried about whether the time would last for 3 hours, but it passed surprisingly quickly.

[By Item] Points of Focus and Points of Regret!

Below, I will introduce the points I focused on and the points I regretted after it was over for each item.

The location is in the middle of both families, in Kyoto

My boyfriend and I, and his family live in Tokyo, my parents live in Shikoku, and my siblings live in Kansai. So, we chose Kyoto, which is in the middle (?) and also allows for sightseeing.

[Looking back]
⭕️ The restaurant was very wonderful, and I am glad we chose Kyoto.

⭕️ Since it was just the timing of the Gion Festival, we were also able to see the portable shrines.We also received a wonderful message from my uncle saying, "From now on, every time the Gion Festival is held, you will be reminded of this dinner party," and I really think that is true.

🔺 Having said that, in addition to the preparations for the day, I had to think about Shinkansen reservations and sightseeing the day before, so I was quite tired. Haha
. If it were in Tokyo, I think it would have been easier to preview the location and handle transportation and dressing.

🔺 It was completely my mistake, I forgot my foundation in my luggage and went without foundation lol. No foundation in a kimono (I applied twice as much powder as usual haha). I think this wouldn't have happened if I had left from home.

As an aside, I read "People Who Move Succeed" the day before, and the following was written in it, so even though I felt tired, I tried to enjoy it with the mindset of "Moving is great after all!". Haha

Who to invite besides parents?

It became a large-scale event with 15 people in total.

[His side] 8 people (boyfriend, parents, siblings, uncle and his wife)
[My side] 7 people (me, parents, brother and his wife, nephew, aunt)

[Looking back]
⭕️ It was a precious opportunity as my uncle and his wife, whom I don't usually get to see, flew in, and my brother and his wife brought their 3-year-old nephew along with a stroller.

I have nothing but gratitude for everyone who came.

5 criteria for choosing a restaurant

I set the following criteria and listed 15 candidates.

・Can enjoy Japanese food typical of Kyoto
・Good access from Kyoto Station (NG example: 1 hour by train)
・If it's a tatami room, it must have chairs, not floor seating
・Has windows to enjoy the garden or greenery
・Budget: Up to 15,000 yen per person, excluding drinks

Ultimately, I decided on "Saami," located on the high ground of Maruyama Park. It is a long-established restaurant that has been around since 1615. I also wrote an introduction to the restaurant in the pamphlet.

[Looking back]
⭕️ As expected of a traditional restaurant, we had a truly wonderful time.

🔺 I knew the restaurant was far from the station, but when I took a taxi on the day, I found out the slope was quite steep. I should have told everyone in advance that "a taxi is recommended."

🔺 My first choice was a restaurant right near Nanzen-ji, but I couldn't book it, and I have a bitter memory of feeling desperate for a moment, thinking I should have decided sooner... lol Choosing a restaurant early is best indeed.
Also, I was thinking, "It's Kyoto, so it has to be Japanese food!" but maybe Western food would have been fine too...? lol

Choosing a course menu

Among the several types available, I chose the lunch course while also checking reviews.

I was told the menu would be decided one month in advance, which made me a bit nervous since I wanted to write it in the pamphlet.
(I thought it might overlap if there was a menu card, but there wasn't one, so I'm glad I wrote it.)

There was no so-called children's menu, and my 3-year-old nephew's portion originally included sashimi and conger eel sushi, which he couldn't eat yet, so we had it adjusted.

[Looking back]
⭕️ I could feel the Kyoto restaurant vibe and the summer atmosphere.

His brother is knowledgeable about fish, and it was impressive when he talked about how to bend the sweetfish (dancing skewer) when it was served grilled with salt.

What about the dress code?

I asked the men to wear suits and the women to wear dresses or other smart-casual attire. I contacted everyone early on to ensure there would be no discrepancies between the two families.

Since it was a special occasion, I decided to wear a houmongi (visiting kimono). It was July, so I chose a ro kimono for midsummer.
Ro refers to a kimono with fine, striped, mesh-like holes called 'rome'. It was my first time wearing one, and it was certainly cool and comfortable.

Yumeyakata charged 30,000 yen for the rental, dressing, and hair styling.
I was a bit anxious because I booked it without seeing the actual item, but it was a very cute kimono, and the professional staff dressed me carefully, including the placement of the obi pattern and the handling of the excess obi-jime cord.
They also kindly kept my large luggage from my stay, which was very helpful.

For the hair styling, I requested 'Not too traditional, but not too braided either. Make it look glamorous even from the front.' They twisted and styled it just right.

[Looking back]
⭕️ The geta sandals were hard to walk in and I did sweat, but I was very happy to be able to wear a kimono for the first time since my university graduation ceremony♡
At first, I was also drawn to light green or light blue kimonos, but the pale pink looked great against the greenery of the park, so it was the right choice.

🔺 It goes without saying, but Western clothes are more comfortable and cost less. I felt like my physical strength and energy were being drained by being tightly constricted by the obi... haha

Kyoto in July is over 30 degrees Celsius. Even though it was a thin kimono, I sweated quite a bit.

Seating arrangement: we sat in the middle

We sat in the order of aunts/uncles, parents, ourselves, and siblings from the back (it seems there is also a pattern where the bride and groom, as the guests of honor, sit at the very back).

[Looking back]
⭕️ I was worried about whether everyone would have fun talking to each other for the first time, but they really livened things up based on the topics in the pamphlets and self-introductions... Huge thanks!

❌ The seating order was fine, but my regret is that we couldn't talk to everyone in a balanced way.... It might not be very common, but it might have been good to change seats or go around to greet everyone halfway through.

Pamphlet made with Canva x Printpac

I created it using Canva's free 'Gold and Vermilion' template. Since I often had the opportunity to make pamphlets for my work at a publishing company, this was a task I was looking forward to as a chance to show off my skills! lol

The template is 8 pages, but I increased it to 12 pages and finished it in A5 size.

The content included:
・Self-introductions of each other
・Family introduction page
・Introduction of the restaurant
・Introduction of wedding rings
・Future plans, such as the date of marriage registration
etc.

With a total of 12 pages, pages 6-7 are in the center, and it was nice that you could see the family introduction ↓ when you opened it.

By the way, be careful because the imposition for saddle-stitched binding is tricky (article for reference).
To avoid getting confused halfway through, I recommend numbering the pages.

For printing and binding, I used Printpac. The site is a bit hard to understand at first glance, but the flow is to purchase the relevant product and then submit the data on your My Page.

・Paper: Coat 90 (= glossy coated paper with a thickness of 90)
・Number of colors: 4 colors
・Finishing: Saddle stitch (left-bound)
・Number of copies: 15 copies + spares
・Delivery time: Shortened to 2 business days

This cost 2,800 yen.
I'm grateful for this price, especially since they also did the binding so quickly...!

[Looking back]
⭕️ Having the pamphlet meant we weren't left with nothing to do during the meeting, so it was the right decision to make it.

🔺 The items I included on the family introduction page were
・Date of birth
・Hobbies
・Current interests
but since there were many scenes where we ended up talking about work on the day, maybe I should have included 'Occupation'?

I left the cover as the template, but I could have put more effort into it, like adding photos.

Souvenirs and small gifts

We coordinated so that the parents would exchange gifts, and we also made sure they were consistent regarding the presence of noshi (gift wrapping paper). It seems my parents prepared sweets from a popular local confectionery shop.

Whether it was about gifts or attire, the biggest fear was a mismatch in understanding between the two families (which could lead to trouble), so I was careful and thorough in coordinating those details.

As a small gift from us, we bought tea with cute packaging at Karel Capek in Yurakucho and handed it out when we parted ways. My partner and I hand-wrote "Thank you for everything" on the stickers, and
we each handed the one we wrote to the other's family.

I told the other participants that souvenirs were not necessary. I gratefully accepted the gifts and celebrations they brought.

[Looking back]
🔺 I had actually thought about adding a small snack to the tea, but I was so exhausted and burnt out... lol
If I had snacks, they could have enjoyed them with the tea or eaten them when they got a little hungry on the Shinkansen ride home.

Unveiling the wedding rings

After talking about the process of choosing the rings, we passed them around to show everyone, along with the ring pillow my mother made.

[Looking back]
⭕️ We also did a ring-exchange ceremony, and I think it was good that we had to stand up and move from our seats, as it created a nice flow of communication. I was happy that we were able to get it on video.

🔺 Even though I said, "Please take a look at the engraving!", it was quite hard to see because I had tied the rings to the pillow with ribbons when passing them around... lol
(Though it is also true that I was terrified of the possibility of someone accidentally putting on a ring that wasn't theirs...)

▼ Click here for the note about the rings

Requests to our parents

I made the following requests.

• Greeting: Fathers of both families

• Gift presentation: Parents of both families

• Witness for marriage registration: Mothers of both families

[Looking back]
⭕️ I really wanted to ask my mother to be a witness, so I was happy I could make that request. She wrote it out three times in beautiful handwriting. Huge thanks...!

It feels like having events or roles like this helps them feel more involved in the gathering.

❌ Because we had planned a photo session after the meal, we couldn't wrap things up properly, and I forgot to ask my father to give the closing remarks. It crossed my mind, but I was so exhausted by that point that we just ended up dispersing. Considering he had prepared for it, I feel so sorry and full of regret...

🔺 In addition to time management and the flow of events, I was constantly busy with things like checking on drinks, adjusting the air conditioning, and coordinating with the photographer. I thought maybe I could have asked my siblings to at least handle the drink checks.
I really understood why there is an MC at a wedding...

Payment was split equally between both families.

I had my partner pay the total amount first, and then we split it equally between both families later. In the end, I decided to have my parents help me out, including the cost of the kimono.
They told me, "Don't worry about the meal costs" and "I'll pay for it, so choose the kimono you like," which was a huge help. I'm so grateful...!

Most of them came by Shinkansen or airplane this time, but travel expenses and hotel costs were borne by each individual. We spent about 80,000 yen just on that alone.

Hiring a photographer

OurPhoto I hired someone after looking at portfolios and reviews on a site called

When I compiled the request details into a Google Doc and shared it, the photographer praised me, saying, "It is extremely helpful that you provided more than enough information that I wanted to know in advance," so for your reference lol

▼ Contents written
・Date and location
・Breakdown of participants
・Locations and poses for photos
・Ratio of shots (X% for the two of us, X% for family, ...)

Regarding the shoot, I first confirmed with the restaurant whether photography was allowed.

I initially thought that Maruyama Park did not require an application since it was for personal use, but when the photographer checked directly by phone, it turned out that an application + usage fee (¥3,800) was required. At that point, it was less than a week until the day, and I was relieved that they proceeded with the usage application urgently.

The cost was just under 20,000 yen (including a tip because they were very attentive).
Here is a referral code to use OurPhoto for 1,000 yen off.

The photos look like this.

[Looking back]
⭕️ Since you don't often get to take family photos, hiring them was a great decision!
Initially, we planned to shoot only in the private room where we ate, but the restaurant staff kindly guided us to an empty grand hall, and I am so grateful that we were able to line up chairs and take a group photo...!

Actually, it was raining heavily on the day, and we were talking about how "it's raining, that's a shame," but miraculously the rain stopped after the meal, and we were able to take photos at Maruyama Park. We were lucky.

I'm keeping the photos taken with my smartphone as precious memories, but SLR photos definitely look much clearer.

🔺 During the shoot, I was desperate to walk in geta sandals through the muddy Maruyama Park in the heat. I couldn't carry my bags, and I didn't have the luxury of looking in a mirror or touching up my makeup.
It's also important to go to the bathroom beforehand...!

🔺 I was restless waiting two weeks for the delivery, so lol, maybe I should have asked for at least one group photo on a smartphone.

Photo exchange via LINE group

Finally, I created a LINE group to exchange thank-you messages and photos.

[Looking back]
⭕️ Since I couldn't hear everyone's thoughts directly, I was happy to receive them via message, and it was good to know everyone's contact information.
It's also good to have a place for text communication ♡

🔺 I was flustered when messages from everyone started arriving while I was still in the middle of setting up the group. lol
If I had created it as soon as the participants were confirmed, all the communication would have gone much more smoothly!

You should break down the to-do list for the meeting and assign tasks to specific people.

When I first started preparing, I felt crushed by the tasks, but I think it became easier once we split the tasks in half and assigned responsibility. It's important to decide who is in charge of what.

Usually, the person who is more particular about things tends to worry more, so Irecommend splitting the tasks.

▼ Task List

We also split our housework. Please read this note for more details.

I asked him for his thoughts on the meeting.

Here are my boyfriend's thoughts!

In closing

I have many regrets, but since our families live far apart—one in Tokyo, one in Shikoku, and us in Kansai—it's rare for us to have a chance to meet and talk, so it was a very good opportunity. Everyone was so kind, and it was a warm time.

On the Shinkansen ride home, I felt a sense of accomplishment, but also a little sad that such a big event was over.

Some people bought new clothes for the occasion, and my mother went to the hair salon right before, and I felt thatextraordinary events like a 'meeting of both families' are very important in life, both for oneself and for those around youbecause having something out of the ordinary gives you something to look forward to, tightens relationships, and becomes an unforgettable memory.

I hope this note serves as a reference for those who have a meeting of both families coming up, and as an opportunity for those who have already finished theirs to look back on the memories.

I worked hard on writing this, so please give it a like if you enjoyed it ♡

Finally, I'll make a note of the kind words we received at the meeting.

• Build a home filled with laughter and comfort.

• Even if you fight, make up before the day is over.

• Be a couple who can talk about anything and consult each other on everything.

We are planning to register our marriage soon.I'm not sure yet if we'll have a wedding ceremony... (Should we have one? I'm quite conflicted about it, so I'd love for those who have already done it to let me know.)I want to enjoy all the events to come.

The first half of 2024 is over, and summer is in full swing.
Let's stay healthy and have fun in the second half as well.

I'm also planning to write an article about the progress of the '12-item challenge per year' I mentioned above. See you later!