Caregiving is 'Something You Only Understand Once You Try It'—Lessons Learned at the Dining Table with My Mother

I am Kumataro Yokoyama, a training instructor and sign language interpreter.

While utilizing AI, I provide information for seniors and introduce books and gadgets.

Today, I would like to talk about what I have felt while caring for my family.

Caregiving for a family member is full of things you only learn once you actually try it. Even if you think in your head, 'This is how it should be done,' reality rarely goes as planned.

For my mother.
Things I prepared or devised with that thought in mind do not always prove useful.
In fact, the things I thought would be 'definitely good' sometimes turn out not to work well at all.

Unexpected hurdles even with a single piece of tableware

Mealtime.
I want to help my mother eat by holding her own dishes and chopsticks as much as possible.

However, my mother's left hand holding the bowl is quite unsteady.
It makes me nervous just watching her.

'I see. A bowl with a handle would be better.'

Thinking that, I bought a heat-resistant glass soup cup at 3COINS.
Since it is glass, it is transparent, so she can see the contents even without looking down into it.
I thought to myself that this was quite a good idea.

However—.

When we actually used it, there was an unexpected problem.

Because it is made of glass, the bowl itself is heavy.
When you put soup or food in it, it becomes even heavier.

Moreover, her fingers did not fit well into the handle.

The result was...
It was very unpopular with my mother.

'I thought it would be good, though.'

That is how I end up feeling a bit discouraged.

Caregiving is a series of 'do-overs'

So, I hurriedly ordered a different bowl on Amazon.

This time, it is:
・Made of plastic and lightweight
・Has a large handle that looks easy to hold

I chose something like that.

When you are providing care, it is a continuous series of such 'trial and error'.

You buy something thinking it will be good, but it doesn't work out. You think again and try a different method.

Even so, little by little, you find things that suit the person.

Somen noodles and my mother's smile

My mother loves somen noodles.

When I make them for her, she eats them happily. Seeing that makes me happy too.

However, while watching her eat, I suddenly thought,

'It might have been easier for her to eat if I had broken the somen in half before boiling it.'

These kinds of small realizations are also things you only understand after actually having them eat.

Small discoveries are a joy

On this day, there was one more thing that made me happy.

Snap peas.

They are vegetables with a fun, crisp texture, and my mother ate them as if they were very delicious.

Seeing that, I had a new discovery: 'She must like these.'

My mother's preferences. Nutrition. Ease of eating.

Thinking about those things, I plan the next meal again.

Caregiving is not about 'searching for the correct answer'

There is no clear correct answer in caregiving.

You try things, sometimes it goes well, and sometimes you fail.

It is a cycle of that.

But there is one thing I know for sure.

And that is—
that the very time spent thinking of the other person and trying things out is surely precious.

Today, too, I think about it while planning my mother's meals.

'What kind of adjustments should I try next?'

While considering my mother's preferences and nutrition,
my trial and error will continue.

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#TrialAndError #FamilyTime