What do you want to let go of? Graduating from the 'I should' mentality!

### Until I graduated from the 'I should' mentality and learned to forgive myself

I am currently on leave to give my heart a little rest.
Originally, I was the type of person who was '100 times more energetic than a superhero'.
At my core, I am a positive thinker, and that hasn't changed even now...

I love new things
I love interesting things
I love talking
I get excited every day...

I'm a bit of a flighty person. Haha

Though I say it myself,I'm probably serioustoo.
Of course,I also have a proper side that is not serious.

For me, what I worked on to give my heart a rest was
graduating from the 'I should' mentality.

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I am participating in Rena-san's project.

In the past, my schedule on days off was packed tight.
For example... on one particular day...
✧• ──────────── •✧
6:00 AM Wake up, breakfast
7:00 AM Solo karaoke
10:30 AM Drive
11:30 AM Esthetic treatment (lymphatic drainage)
1:30 PM Lunch
2:30 PM Shopping
4:00 PM Osteopathy (foot and shoulder massage)
6:30 PM Appointment with a friend
10:30 PM Gym workout
1:00 AM Return home
1:10 AM Shower
2:00 AM Sleep
✧• ──────────── •✧

Even looking at it now, I think to myself,
I really lived life by the minute.

I want to achieve the rough schedule
I set for myself.

I never thought about being sleepy or not being in the mood,

I didn't want to waste timeand I thought,
'I want to fully enjoy my day off'.

I wasn't resting at all,
but I did feel a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment.
To enjoy my day off to the fullest from the morning,
I would finish my housework the day before
and do my daily shopping in small bits.

When it gets to this point,
I don't know if I'm enjoying myself
or just checking off a to-do list.

I might have often had the illusion
that I was being chased by time every day.
I begrudged the time I spent sleepingand
I felt that 24 hours a day was not enough...

I don't know if I was enjoying each thing
one by one.

In the end, I neglected both meals and sleep,
and I went to work while sleep-deprived.

At the time, that was my daily life,
and there was a part of me that would be swallowed by loneliness
if I didn't do that

Currently, my heart is tired,
so I often spend the whole day sleeping...
At first, spending the day sleeping
made me feel plagued by
feelings like guilt or defeat.

Thinking that my heart would get sick
if I wasn't moving,
I was terrified of stopping my movement
and
the time when my connection to society
would be severed

Not just in my work, but
in my private life too,
I was someone who strongly believed that
I should see through
everything I decided to do until the end.

That was essential for me
to boost my self-esteem.

The reason I was able to graduate from that
is because I met a friend
and had their help.

I only used to chat with this friend lightly on social media,
but through a strange turn of events,
we hit it off over things like 'expression (writing/singing)'
and started talking,
deepening our friendship.

This friend, who thought just like me,
had already taken time to rest their heart,
and was a senior who had suffered emotional wounds.

The words of this friend,
who gave me various pieces of advice,
carried weight,
and there were times I shed tears.

'You don't have to try so hard'
'I want you to cherish yourself'
These words from a senior who shared the same struggles
were just casual remarks,
but perhaps the timing and the sentiment
were just right,
and they resonated with me.

Following my friend's teachings,
I began to shift my mindset
to protecting myself first.
I took a leave of absence from work and started a note.

I am now thorough about
not doing what I cannot do.

Even now, my body and mind don't always move in sync,
but graduating from 'I should' has
made things easier.

While being grateful for meeting that friend,
I want to applaud myself
for acquiring the flexibility
to honestly accept the thoughts of others.

How about you all?
From now on, I want to continue at my own slow pace,
cherishing the voice of my heart that says
'I want to' instead of 'I should'.

So that I can love even my imperfect self,
completely.
I hope to move forward,
little by little, one step at a time.

Thank you for staying with me until the end.
Well then, take care (⁎ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈⁎)
See you tomorrow 👋´-°・*:.。.☆

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I write short, standalone fairy tales to heal the hearts of adults. They are mysterious and fun stories featuring Moon, a little philosopher in the forest, as the protagonist.
The stories are sprinkled with sadness and a mysterious sense of poignancy. I would be happy if I could deliver this gentle, heartwarming worldview to your heart.
If you are interested, I would be delighted if you could stop by (⁎ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈⁎)

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I also write poetry. I think the world of poetry is similar to philosophy. If you don't mind, please take a look. Also, if you are interested, I would be happy if you could experience my poetry. °・*:.。.☆

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I write novels. Would you like to join me and enjoy the world of delusions and fantasies that I love so much? If you don't mind, please take a look. Also, if you are interested, I would be happy if you could stop by. °・*:.。.☆

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