Even if I was fired after one month as a new graduate, I am not pitiful

Joining a company as a new graduate is the most advantageous ticket for employment.

I believed from a young age that fully utilizing that ticket to get a job at a company with even slightly better conditions was the way to live a safe and secure life.

I wasn't particularly good at studying, but I believed that one day I would become an office lady working at a large company in the city. In the long hallways, I would click-clack my stylish heels and let my hair flow just like Yuko Asano back in the day.

Then, I would bump into a man carrying documents, break my heel, and stumble. As the man scatters papers all over the hallway, he grabs my arm and asks, "Are you okay?" His eyebrows are dignified, and his eyes are moist. The moment I am stared at by his straight gaze, Kazumasa Oda's "Love Story wa Totsuzen ni" begins to play in my head.

My simulation of joining a company as a new graduate and the subsequent official love story was perfect. Now, all that was left was to join the company and fall in love.

Unfortunately, the world was in the middle of an employment ice age. I requested materials. I struggled through job hunting. However, I was rejected by about 60 to 70 companies.

In particular, group interviews were a disaster. Back then, 20 years ago, adults were blatant. If you weren't a cute, lively girl, you wouldn't even be asked a question.

The five interviewers would only ask questions to the "cutest and most articulate girl" among the five job-hunting girls gathered there. After asking her questions, they would ask the others, "Why did you apply to our company?" with a blank expression, but their eyes were already not looking at us.

Because it was that kind of era, some girls even got minor plastic surgery before job hunting. I didn't have that much courage, so as a form of compensation, I stuffed tissues in my bra, struggling to improve my figure as much as possible.

However, an A-cup is cruel. Cheap bras are also cruel. From the gaps in the wires, clumps of tissue would fall out one by one.

You might say, "Why not just buy pads?" but if a pad falls out, there's no excuse. With tissue, I could make the excuse that "something I used to blow my nose earlier..."

I chose a suit that would improve my figure as much as possible and hid the flaws on my face with unfamiliar foundation. Even so, my complexion remained dull, and the interviewers wouldn't look at me.

What could I do to make the interviewers look at me? I didn't want to mess with my face. I'm not particularly beautiful, but I feel like messing with my face would thin out the connections I inherited from my parents.

While I was being rejected from one interview after another, reports of my friends receiving job offers reached my ears one after another.

Each time, I would say "That's great" in a dry voice. I was the only one who couldn't get a job offer anywhere.

Once I graduated, I wouldn't be able to use my new graduate card. It was a desperate measure, but I used a school recommendation. I originally wanted to use the school recommendation for a company I truly wanted to go to.

But it was already February. The only thing left was a small local printing company. It was in the middle of rice fields, far from a city office. I might not be able to become Yuko Asano or Atsuko Asano. But this was the only way I could rely on.

Through a school recommendation, I joined the printing company. However, I was fired after just one month. I was called in by the president in the afternoon and told, "You don't have to come in from tomorrow."

My mind went blank, but thinking about it now, it is true that I couldn't imagine myself working there for a long time.

What companies want from new graduate employees. Isn't it potential, youth, and motivation? This is something I realized only after I had re-entered the workforce and some time had passed.

Back then, I had no motivation or drive. From the company's perspective, I was an extremely rude employee. If that was the case, there was absolutely no need for me to be a new graduate from the "company's" point of view.

Back then, I thought I was the most pitiful person in the world.

I entered a school known for being advantageous for job hunting and got my new graduate card, yet I haven't been able to make use of it. All my friends around me have found jobs at large companies. Why me, I wondered.

◇

When people feel miserable, they avoid being seen by third parties as "pitiable."

After that, I started working as a part-timer at a 100-yen shop in a supermarket. Even though some friends came to see me looking worried, I, wearing a green apron, would often hide behind the shelves. I didn't want to be seen in my ruined, miserable state.

I also became friends with part-timers who attended national universities. It was here that I first learned that there is a world where people have to sacrifice themselves to survive, depending on whether their parents have money or not.

When you think of yourself as pitiable, your perspective might be narrow.

Being pitiable is not something to be swayed by when comparing yourself to others.If you think of yourself as "pitiable," then that is all you are.

However, am I truly pitiable? When I fall into a state of being pitiable, that is exactly when I want to look back at where I stand.

Back then, I lived with my parents and received their support. If I hadn't had adults I could rely on back then, where would I be now? Through Note and X, I continue to learn every day that there are many people in the world who had no one to rely on, and no one to reach out to them when they were in trouble.

Little by little, I am overwriting the memories of that time. I thought of myself as miserable back then, but perhaps I was actually happy.

The days when I would chat with my part-time colleagues while nibbling on bread crusts around 5 PM were fun.

I also had the experience of treating a part-time colleague to a McDonald's hamburger, and she thanked me repeatedly with teary eyes, saying, "Miku-chan, thank you so much..."

That girl was receiving financial support from some adult. She was a pretty girl with a slightly flashy look that I didn't see around me, and she was good at asking for things. I was happy to see her genuinely pleased, so I would often treat her to food and drinks.

If it were now, I probably wouldn't be thanked so much just for treating someone to a juice or a hamburger. But what I think about now is whether that was really for her own good. My casual kindness might have been making her feel pitiable.

Could sympathy and kindness be making someone feel pitiable?The moment I try to reach out to someone, those words come to mind.

◇

It is a happiness that I can now write about my past pitiable episodes in an amusing way.

If I did that while I was in the middle of being pitiable, I would only feel more miserable. Some people do it, but many end up crushed by feelings of self-reproach. I am not that strong, so I have decided not to write about unresolved issues in public when I am unhappy.

I do not want to be pitiable.

That is why, even when I am tired, I end up acting cheerful and struggle to make myself look bright.

From other people's perspectives, perhaps I am making someone feel uncomfortable. I might think I am living life on my own terms, but perhaps I am living it on someone else's.

To someone out there, I might look pitiable. But at the very least, I want to acknowledge myself as being "the best." After all, I have overcome countless hardships.

[End]

[Postscript]
I was participating in the personal project Fubi-One Contest, but according to the organizer, my entry fell under the category of "genuine misfortune," so it was excluded from the judging.

I had originally included tags and a cited article, but I felt I shouldn't get in the way of the contest, so I have deleted them this time.

Please don't imitate me, and let's apply with funny, pitiable episodes. Wishing the event great success!✨