[Working Mom in Her 30s] The concept and way of life of having a self-centered perspective.

Ever since I was born, I have lived my life
centered on how others evaluate me or how I am perceived.

In my student days, I wanted to "stand out and be popular,"
and after entering the workforce, I wanted to be thought of as "capable and cute."

After getting married, I wanted to be thought of as a "wife to be proud of and someone who looks happy."

After becoming pregnant, I wanted to be thought of as a "good wife, a good mother, and someone who works hard."

I am not good at seeing things through to the end, I get bored easily,
I am lazy, and I have only ever done things that I find fun.

Before I was pregnant, I worked recklessly hard at my current job, but
because I didn't want to take responsibility for myself, I blamed everything
on my boss or those around me.

In a word, I am the type who is lenient with myself and strict with others.

That might not have changed much even now, though... haha.

Acting based on a self-centered perspective,
becoming someone who can make decisions without being influenced by those around me.

That is my goal right now.

Recently, even if there are grumpy people at work
or if there is trouble,
my emotions are no longer easily swayed.
I am me, and others are others.
I have become able to choose which thoughts to let go of,
and I think I have grown since becoming a mother.

But I am still immature to call it a self-centered perspective,
and I haven't been able to break the habit of ignoring my own capacity,
so I think I need a little more time.

I want to become a strong-willed mother,
so I will continue to devote myself to self-improvement every day.