If you give words to those feelings
Good evening (^^)
This is Mih0Chi4, a Nine Star Ki essayist. 🤗
I share posts that weave together daily events and Nine Star Ki. I would be happy if you could think that Ki-gaku is somehow interesting. ✨
Today, the theme is "the true nature of feeling fuzzy."
When you can't move forward, that is the time to look deep into your heart.
The other day, a major work event came to a close.
And without a moment to catch my breath, the next thing was waiting. Yet, I just couldn't find the motivation to do anything. Time was just ticking away...
The more I thought, "I have to move!", the more my thinking stopped, things that usually wouldn't bother me started to, and the more I tried to be calm, the more the opposite happened.
It was like the night before a test, when you suddenly want to clean your room to escape reality.
The reason was...
It was the negative feelings that were hiding in the depths of my heart, which I had pushed down but hadn't fully processed, and the gap between my ideals and reality.
As someone with the Five Yellow Earth star, who cannot move forward unless I am convinced, I was perfectly embodying those characteristics.
Even kings get down.
The Five Yellow Earth is said to be the king's star. 👑
Because it is a king, it is in a slightly higher position than other stars, and because of that, it can see its surroundings well. 👀
This is also why it is said to be good at looking at things from a bird's-eye view. From this position, you can reach out to other stars or ask for help. ✋
Precisely because you can see, there are times when you are tested on whether to speak up or intervene, or to hold back.
During this event, I held back and spent my days purely working behind the scenes.
As a result, the event itself ended safely. ✨
Our first attempt also had excellent results. ✨
I received many words of appreciation, saying, "Great job!"
But, I still felt a lingering sense of fuzziness.
After it was over, I kept thinking about it.
The feeling that emerged was,
...somehow, it was different from what I had imagined.
The event was lively, but I actually wanted to involve more people.
I was too focused on the minimum number of people and failed to allocate staff appropriately.
I wanted many people to hear such great content.
When I acknowledged these feelings,
it was different from the future I had envisioned in my head.
I was able to realize that was why I was feeling down.
An event is a kind of festival🏮
If possible, I wanted to do it with enough energy that even members not in charge would say, 'You're doing something interesting!', but I felt lonely because it ended up feeling like an inside job.
Once you see the path forward, things move surprisingly fast.
This month, the Five Yellow Earth Star is in the place of achievement💎
But it will be a little while longer before I receive those results.
I was able to accept this event as one result. I am very happy that the event was lively, so I will reflect on it thoroughly behind the scenes.
By acknowledging that I was feeling down,
I was able to realize the true nature of the frustration I was about to cover up with the flashy results on the surface.
And I was able to move on with conviction.
There are two months until the next event.
I've already started my engine a step ahead of everyone else, and my motivation has returned🔥🔥
While utilizing the behind-the-scenes work I learned this time, I will also focus on involving those around me, which I couldn't do last time👀 And first, I want to be conscious of having some fun and mental space myself as I work, and move forward with a smile🤗
Busy days will continue, but I want to spend my days incorporating things to look forward to, like the upcoming three-day weekend at the Expo.
Thank you for reading today as well🍀