That day I was told to change assignments. To the me who cried, 'I'm not cut out to be a midwife.'
To everyone who started working as a midwife this spring, thank you for your hard work every day. 🙇♀️ With so much to learn, aren't there days when you shed tears over your own helplessness?
Although I am now involved in clinical instruction and new graduate training, I would like to talk a little about the walls you hit as a new graduate and how to overcome them while also sharing some bitter memories from my own time as a new graduate. 🌸
'Please change my midwife.'
This happened when I was in charge of a woman whose labor was prolonged due to weak contractions. With contractions continuing throughout the night, the patient's fatigue and anxiety had reached their limit. Her family was also feeling impatient.
I felt I was doing my best to support her. However, at the time, I was inexperienced and lacked assessment skills. I couldn't explain 'what the current situation was' in a way that was easy to understand.
And then, the patient and her family told me,
'Could you please change my midwife?'
It was such a shock I thought my heart would stop. 'Maybe I'm not cut out to be a midwife.' I blamed myself, and everything went dark before my eyes.
Even now, when I remember it, my chest tightens. (lol) 🤣 Looking back on that time, I will carefully share one by one the 'five walls' I hit back then, and the 'true way to overcome them' that I understand now that I am an instructor. 👇
🧱 Wall 1: Building trust with patients
🚨 The reality of being a new graduate (the situation)
The episode with the patient mentioned above. Being asked by a patient to 'change your midwife' is a shocking event, even if you aren't a new graduate. Since we rarely learn practical 'communication with patients' in school, aren't you overwhelmed by the difficulty of communicating with patients for the first time once you are in the field?
In a setting where life is born, patients and their families are in an extreme state of tension due to fatigue, impatience, and anxiety. In such a tense atmosphere, it seems that new graduates often feel difficulty in the following situations.
Unable to verbalize 'what is happening now'
Because assessment skills are immature, even if a woman or her family asks, 'How much longer until the baby is born?' or 'What is the situation now?', it is difficult to explain clearly with a solid basis.Ending up 'just being there'
Because I lack confidence in my skills and knowledge, even when I go to the bedside, the best I can do is say, 'Please let me know if you need anything.' I cannot offer a thoughtful word or provide care that proactively eases the patient's anxiety, and I just feel overwhelmed.Impatience and nervous behavior are conveyed to the other person
My own impatience and lack of mental composure, such as 'What if I fail?' or 'What should I report to my senior?', show in my stuttering and facial expressions. As a result, it gives the patient and family a sense of distrust or anxiety, wondering 'Is this person okay?', and the relationship becomes awkward.
💡 How to overcome this wall
A senior colleague said this to me after I was told to change assignments:
'You're lucky to have a patient who points out your shortcomings.'
I couldn't accept it at the time, but I understand it now. That experience was a valuable opportunity to learn the importance of 'the power to explain' and 'the power to build trust' precisely because my immaturity was laid bare.
🏃♀️ Improvement plan for tomorrow
If you feel anxious about building trust, don't bottle it up alone; pass the baton to a senior immediately or have them join you at the bedside. Mimicking 'how a senior explains things to a patient' is the shortest path to building trust.
🧱 Wall 2: The Reality of Practical Work - 'Not knowing what you don't know'
🚨 The Reality for Newcomers (Situation)
As a student, there were themes in classes and defined ranges for tests, so the goal of 'what to learn' was clear. But once you get into the field...
What should be prioritized?
What should be reported?
What is normal and what is abnormal?
In the field, every day was a storm of 'not knowing.' And the most troublesome part was that I was in a state where I didn't even know what I didn't know. state.
💡 How to overcome this wall
Now that I am in a position to provide guidance, I feel this strongly: It is overwhelmingly easier to support a newcomer who honestly tells me they 'don't understand.' If there is no reaction, the person providing support also gets lost, not knowing if you understand or if you are struggling.
🏃♀️ Improvement plan for tomorrow
Don't try to report perfectly; instead, try telling your senior exactly where you stand by saying, 'I've understood up to this point, but I haven't been able to organize this part.' Just by doing that, your senior will have a clearer picture of where and what they need to explain, making it easier for them to teach you.
🧱 Wall 3: The Mental Trap - 'Comparing yourself to peers'
🚨 The Reality for Newcomers (Situation)
Having peers means you can encourage and support each other. Even after more than 10 years, meeting my peers is an irreplaceable treasure.
However, to be honest about my time as a newcomer, I would compare myself to my peers and get depressed 🌀
And even though I heard later that they were struggling or worrying in places I couldn't see, at the time, seeing my peers'
smart reporting to seniors
good relationships with patients
Every time I saw that, I would get depressed, thinking, 'Why am I the only one who can't do this?' and my feet would feel heavy before going to work 😱
💡 How to overcome this wall
It is natural for there to be individual differences in the speed of growth when you are a newcomer. Even your peers who seem excellent are actually crying or studying desperately behind the scenes.
While peers can be good rivals who push each other to grow in a positive sense, there is no need to feel down by comparing yourself to them. The person you should compare yourself to is 'the you of yesterday'.
🏃♀️ Improvement plan for tomorrow
Change the person you compare yourself to from your 'peers' to 'the you of yesterday'. Instead of worrying about how your peers are doing, focus only on your own small steps, such as 'I learned the location of one more item than yesterday' or 'I greeted people more smoothly than yesterday'.
🧱 Wall 4: The gap with the ideal - Unable to accept 'the me who can't do it'
🚨 The reality of a newcomer (situation)
Precisely because I studied hard to earn my national qualification and became the midwife I dreamed of, every time I make a mistake or fail, I fall into intense self-loathing, thinking, 'I'm not cut out to be a midwife.' Midwifery students, in particular, are often hard workers who have studied nursing plus extra, so they struggle with the gap between 'I should be able to do more' and 'I can't do it as well as I want'.
💡 How to overcome this wall
A new midwife cannot possibly do everything from the start. It is natural not to be able to do things yet. Let's accept that in a positive way. You have plenty of room to grow.
Since midwifery is a responsible profession that involves the lives of mothers and children, I believe it is important to engage in self-improvement and continue learning every day. So, growing a little bit every day is just fine 🙆♀️
🏃♀️ Improvement plan for tomorrow
Stop completely denying yourself by saying 'I can't do it, so I'm not cut out for this.' Instead of just reflecting on your mistakes before going to sleep at night, count just one thing you were able to do today before you drift off. What you cannot do now is
'room for growth' that will allow you to do it in the future.
🧱 Wall 5: The wall of relationships - Trying to 'do your best alone'
🚨 The reality of a newcomer (situation)
'My senior looks busy. I don't want to cause them any more trouble.' 'I don't want to be thought of as someone who can't do anything and get scolded.' Because of these feelings, you might end up bottling up problems alone.
💡 How to overcome this wall
The more you try to appear perfect and keep things to yourself, the more it leads to mistakes and makes things painful for you. Sometimes, by the time a senior notices that a newcomer has been struggling alone, it's too late to provide full support...
Asking for advice is not a sign of weakness. It is an important action to protect your patients.
🏃♀️ Improvement plan for tomorrow
Speak up and say, 'I'm having trouble with this, could you look at it with me?' Please don't forget: your seniors also want to help if a newcomer is in trouble, both to protect the patients and to protect you.
🌸 To midwifery students currently job hunting
I want you to choose an 'environment' over a job offer
If you are feeling anxious right now, wondering if you are really cut out to be a midwife, that anxiety is completely natural.
And I want you to know that how easily you can overcome the hurdles of your first year actually depends greatly on the 'hospital' you choose.
The reason I was able to persevere after my own setbacks as a new midwife was because I had seniors who didn't reject me entirely, but instead offered warm encouragement.
Is there a robust training system in place?
Is the atmosphere one where it is psychologically safe to ask for help?
Is there a culture where seniors actively nurture new staff?
These factors have the biggest impact on the growth of a new midwife. That is why, when job hunting, I want you to prioritize choosing an
'environment where you can safely ask for help' rather than just aiming to 'get a job offer' 🫶
📝 In closing
Back then, when a patient asked to change their midwife, I felt like I had been rejected, that I was worthless, and that I was a failure as a midwife. It's painful to even remember, but it is because of that experience that I am who I am today.
It wasn't just this one episode. I made many mistakes. But because I learned from them and kept working as a midwife, I believe I have something to share with new midwives who are struggling now, which is why I continue to post.
My writing may be clumsy, but I hope this brings comfort or encouragement to someone. And I want to tell the me who was struggling back then that 'it's going to be okay' 🙆♀️