On nights when I don't get a reply from someone I like, I even start to doubt my own worth.
On nights when I don't get a reply from someone I like.
Just because of that,
sometimes my heart feels like it has completely stopped.
Even when I eat, it has no taste.
Even when I take a bath, I'm worried about my phone.
Even when I get into bed, I can't sleep.
Even though there is no notification,
I feel like there was and check the screen.
Nothing has come.
My heart sinks again.
In reality,
it's just that I haven't received a reply from them.
And yet,
before I knew it,
I had started to doubt my own worth.
"Am I not being valued?"
"Is it because it's me that they aren't replying?"
"Would it be different if I were more attractive?"
"If I were someone who was loved, would I not be made to wait like this?"
What makes nights without a reply so painful is
not just the silence itself.
It is that I end up
linking that silence to my own lack of worth.
When a reply doesn't come, I feel like I'm being treated lightly.
No reply comes.
Still unread.
It says read, but there is no reply.
Even when there is a reply, it is short.
Every time that happens, I feel like my priority in their life is low.
They don't have the time to reply to me right now.
They don't have the desire to reply to me right now.
My message is something that can be put off until later.
That is how I end up feeling.
Of course, in reality, there might be other circumstances on their end.
They might be busy.
They might be tired.
They might be thinking about what to say back.
They might just not be thinking about anything at all.
But on anxious nights, I choose the most painful answer before considering those possibilities.
I am not being cherished.
I am immediately led to this conclusion.
Even though nothing has been decided yet.
Even though nothing has been said yet.
In my heart, I have already been hurt many times over.
I turn their silence into my own flaws.
The longer the time without a reply, the more I start searching for my own shortcomings.
Was my last message too heavy?
Did I phrase it poorly?
Should I have sent it more casually?
Should I have added an emoji?
Did I ask too many questions?
Did I show my feelings too much?
Even though they haven't said anything,
I start a self-critique session in my head.
And in the end,
I start to feel like I am the problem myself.
It's because I'm a bother.
It's because I'm too heavy.
It's because I'm the kind of person who is hard to love.
But, in reality, you don't have to decide that.
The reason for no reply
isn't necessarily your fault.
Their silence
is not proof of your worth.
An unread message is not your score.
Being left on read is not a judgment of your value as a person.
A short reply is not a measure of how little charm you have.
Even so, on anxious nights,
everything looks like it's my own fault.
That is exactly why,
I want you to separate these things just once.
The fact that there is no reply.
My own worth.
These two things are not the same.
A love that only comes back to life the moment a reply arrives is painful.
A notification sounds.
It was from them.
Just that alone,
allows me to breathe again all at once.
Thank goodness.
They didn't hate me.
I was still okay.
The anxiety from just a moment ago,
becomes a little quieter.
But at the same time,
it also means my heart is being held captive by their notifications.
If a reply comes, it's heaven.
If it doesn't, it's hell.
If it's marked as read, I have hope.
If it doesn't come back, I feel despair.
If it's a short message, I feel anxious.
If it's a little kind, I feel relieved.
When you keep repeating this,
romance becomes increasingly draining.
With just one reply from them,
my worth for the day is decided.
That is how I end up feeling.
But in reality,
your worth
is not determined by whether a notification rings.
You don't only have value
on the days they reply.
And your value doesn't disappear
on the nights they don't.
A reply provides a sense of security.
But it
is not your inherent worth as a person.
Don't decide that "they aren't replying because it's me."
On nights when no reply comes,
this might be the hardest part.
"They aren't replying because it's me."
Thinking that way.
If I were cuter.
If I were more composed.
If I were more lovable.
If I were treated with more care.
I'm sure they would reply right away.
When you think like that,
you start to hate yourself more and more.
But that way of thinking
won't protect you.
Instead,
every time a reply doesn't come,
it becomes a blade that hurts you.
They aren't replying right now.
That is a fact.
But,
"They aren't replying because it's me"
might not be a fact, but a conclusion created by anxiety.
Anxiety chooses the harshest words for yourself.
I am someone who gets put on the back burner.
I am someone who doesn't get chosen.
I am someone who is hard to love.
But you don't have to believe those words.
Not getting a reply and your worth being low are two different things.
Please come back here as many times as you need.
It's not just the other person's screen that you should really be looking at.
On nights when I'm waiting for a reply, I can't help but focus only on the other person.
What are they doing right now?
Are they looking at their phone?
Is their social media active?
Are they replying to someone else?
Are they ignoring only my message?
But it's not just the other person's screen that you should really be looking at.
It's yourself right now.
How many hours have you been staring at your phone?
Have you eaten?
Are you getting enough sleep?
Is your chest tight with anxiety?
Are you linking the other person's silence
to your own worth?
Especially when you feel the urge to send a follow-up message,
you need to look at yourself, not the other person.
Do I want to reach out
right now?
Or,
do I just want to feel reassured?
What is it that I truly want them to say?
After I send this one message,
will I really feel at ease?
Or,
will I just end up checking my phone even more?
It is not too late to wait until you have looked at that.
Do not entrust your own worth to the other person
A reply from someone you like
is certainly a big deal.
If they reply, you are happy.
If they don't, you are in pain.
That is only natural.
You care because you like them.
You wait because they are important.
Feeling anxious
does not mean you are weak.
But,
if you entrust your own worth to the other person,
love becomes an overly painful place.
If they reply, I have worth.
If they don't reply, I have no worth.
I don't want you
to place yourself in such a position.
Even on nights when there is no reply,
your worth remains.
Even if it remains unread.
Even if it is read and ignored.
Even if the reply is short.
Your worth,
is not just inside the other person's chat screen.
Because it is unread,
please do not leave your own worth unread.
Because it is read,
please do not read and ignore your own worth.
Even on nights when there is no reply,
please do not abandon yourself.
About the notebook to read before sending a follow-up LINE
On nights when you feel like sending a follow-up LINE,
I created a notebook you can open just once before sending.
Notebook to read before sending a follow-up LINE
Love anxiety reset techniques to keep from breaking yourself on nights when there is no reply
In this notebook,
・The real reason you want to send a follow-up LINE
・A 10-item checklist to look at before sending
・How to handle unread messages, read-and-ignored messages, and short replies
・LINE messages that are okay to send / LINE messages that are better not to send
・A 7-day workshop to bring yourself back on nights waiting for a reply
・An emergency memo template for when you feel like sending a follow-up LINE
I have included.
It is not a notebook to tell you not to send,
but to help you return to yourself before you send.
It is not to move the other person,
but on nights when there is no reply,
a notebook to keep you from breaking yourself.
The introductory price of 980 yen,
because I want it to reach those who need it a little more,
has been extended for 7 days.
On nights when you need it,
I will leave it as a place you can open just once before sending.
Today's emergency memo
On nights when you don't get a reply,
if you find yourself doubting your own worth,
please just remember this.
The fact that you haven't received a reply
is separate from your worth being low.
The fact that the other person isn't replying right now
is separate from you not being worthy of being cherished.
An unread message is not a score of your value.
Being left on read is not a judgment of your worth as a person.
A short reply is not a measure of how short your charm is.
Even on nights when your phone is quiet,
it doesn't mean your worth has disappeared.
Even on nights when you don't get a reply,
please don't abandon yourself.