[In-laws] To help each other enjoy visiting your respective parents' homes, you must make an effort as the one who grew up there. Don't leave anyone behind.

Good evening, this is KYOKO from Bonno-ji Temple.

I am not particularly bullied at my in-laws' house.

I don't have to do all the housework myself, either.

But for some reason, it's painful.

There are probably others who feel the same way.

Since I remarried, I only go for a few hours on one day, so it's much easier than my previous marriage, but there are still times when I find it painful.

It's fine when relatives from my in-laws' side come over and we all sit around eating osechi or a feast and talking, but they don't explain things to me when I don't understand the conversation.

They only talk about what they want to talk about.

At my husband's parents' house, even if they talk endlessly about relatives I've never seen or ancestors from long ago, I have no idea what they are talking about.

At my current husband's parents' house, I'm not bullied or forced to do all the housework, but since my husband and his family and relatives get excited just among themselves, I, who don't understand the conversation (I don't know the local place names or the relatives they are talking about), get bored and tired from just listening to things I don't understand.

It's so boring that I feel like going to another room and looking at my smartphone.

My son's wife probably won't understand this, so let's not talk about it today.

If there were that kind of consideration,

or if they explained in the middle of the conversation, like, 'Mr. So-and-so is a farmer who lives around here, and he's the person who took care of [Husband] when he was in elementary school,' I could enjoy it too, but I don't feel any consideration at all for someone who doesn't know the characters or place names involved.

They just talk endlessly about things that only they understand.

When my parents and the husbands of my three sisters gather at my parents' house, we all make sure to explain things so that no one is left out, and the three of us sisters are considerate for the sake of our own husbands and the husbands of our sisters.

Everyone makes an effort because they don't want their own husbands to experience the unpleasant feelings they had at their own in-laws' houses.

My father has poor articulation and speaks with a thick dialect, so I sit right next to him and act as an interpreter, haha.

You might think that since it's a family gathering, it's fine to bring up such personal topics, but being forced to listen to endless stories I don't understand makes me feel even more like an 'outsider,' and it becomes painful to be there.

I want them to choose topics that everyone can enjoy, and when they absolutely must bring up personal stories, I want them to not be lazy about explaining who the people are.

This applies not only to family but also to friends and other social circles; having just one person who can show that kind of consideration makes gatherings much more enjoyable.

It makes a difference just having someone who thinks about whether the people listening are enjoying themselves or if anyone is being left out.

I understand that when you return to your own family home for the sake of your spouse, you want to relax, but please keep in mind that the person who didn't grow up there is making an effort to be there, and act with consideration.

Do not leave them to their own devices. Keep an eye on them.

I believe that alone would reduce the very frustrations that accumulate in a spouse's heart year after year.

If your parents or siblings won't do it, then you, as the one who grew up in that house, have no choice but to make the effort for your spouse's sake.