Choosing for Myself to 'Be Happy Where I Am'

Since the start of the COVID-19 pandemic in 2020, I have continued to work primarily from home.
I moved from a 1K apartment in Tokyo to Chigasaki, gained a spacious home office, and started my days with a walk by the sea before beginning work.
I moved from my single life in a 1K Tokyo apartment to Chigasaki, spread my wings a little, achieved my ideal life near the sea, and even though I didn't have a boyfriend at the time, I moved into a 3DK apartment just in case I ever got married (lol).
Then, a year after moving to Chigasaki, I met my boyfriend, dated for a year, got married, and as I had planned, we are now living together in that 3DK apartment.
I felt like I had been slowly cultivating that 'ideal life' as my own.

But over the past year, the nature of my work has changed significantly.
The time I spend working from home has decreased, and the days I commute to Tokyo, Saitama, and Chiba have increased.
I feel a strong sense of fulfillment in the work itself and I love it.
Commuting again after such a long time was tough, but of course, there were fun parts to it too.
However, commuting for an hour and a half to two hours each way, almost five days a week, was honestly quite painful...

I have always been bad at drawing a line between work and my private life.
I struggled to maintain a good balance even when working remotely, and with the addition of a long commute, every day became filled with 'work'.
My balance was built on small moments, like eating and talking with my husband—who works in the food industry and often has weekdays off—during breaks in my remote work, or my morning walks by the sea.
Before I knew it, I was making excuses like 'it's just for this period,' 'work is busy,' or 'I have to do this,' and accepting that I was wearing myself thin.

The term HSP is often discussed in the context of being sensitive to stimuli and easily tired.
It is true that I get completely drained by crowds and long commutes.
But recently, I've started to think that there is another side to that.
Being sensitive to stimuli also means that I can perceive the beauty and comfort of my environment more deeply than others.
The morning light on the sea, the sunlight streaming into my room, the warmth of my cat on my lap.
I can truly accept those things as happiness.
I have the sensitivity to feel that. Perhaps even too much.

If that's the case, then continuing to endure and accept an environment I chose because 'it couldn't be helped' might be putting my best qualities to sleep.
The version of me that has been worn down by commuting lately was exactly that.
Even though I am capable of receiving beauty, I was forcing myself into a daily life that had no room to receive it.

Just then, the monitor I had been using for the three and a half years since I came to Chigasaki started acting up.
Since I had already started feeling that 24 inches wasn't enough, I took the plunge and upgraded to 32 inches.
While I was at it, I also got a new keyboard.
I wanted to try an experience different from the quiet typing of the Realforce I had been using for so long, so I chose a Keychron mechanical keyboard with slightly heavier switches.
I went from a black, rugged-looking keyboard to one with a slightly retro and cute design.
Clack, clack, click, click. I even turned on the lighting, adding a little bit of entertainment to my work hours.

I wondered for a moment if this was a luxury.
My work is still busy, my mission hasn't changed, and the commute of up to five days a week won't change immediately either.

But, that's not it.

This is a declaration of intent to choose for myself a place where I can feel, 'I am happy to be here.'
I am making the place I touch the longest every day something comfortable for me.
For someone as sensitive as me, that is not a trivial matter; it is something that leads directly to happiness.
And if I decide to spend time on 'things that lead directly to happiness' and create that time, it will naturally increase.

My ideal is to live in Chigasaki with my dog, cat, and husband, while doing work I love.
If I were to get a dog, I couldn't fulfill that with a life of commuting every day.
That is why I want to stop putting that ideal into a 'someday' box.
Instead of enduring the present for the sake of a future ideal, I will start choosing my environment little by little, starting now, as someone who is living that ideal.
The monitor and the keyboard are the first steps toward that.

I believe that those of us who are sensitive and can truly receive the beauty of life don't have to compromise on an environment where we can feel 'I am happy to be here.'
You don't have to wait for someone else to prepare it for you; you can choose it and make it happen yourself.

When I thought that and looked at my desk again, my cat was curled up on top of my open notebook.
The sea is right there.
Before I knew it, a part of the happiness I wanted to cultivate was already right here on my desk.