A story from when I used to check my zero-sales graph dozens of times a day
I feel like I can finally write that "I couldn't make money even after 10 years"
There was a time when I checked my sales graph dozens of times a day.
When the zeros kept coming, I felt like the world was telling me I wasn't needed.
I press the refresh button.
Nothing changes.
I press it again.
Nothing changes.
That was me when I had just started stock photography.
It wasn't so much that I wanted to make money, but perhaps I wanted someone to acknowledge me.
And then, one day, I suddenly couldn't do anything anymore.
A wave of depression hit me,
I couldn't even think about my account,
and I just forgot about it.
"I couldn't make money even after 10 years"
I had always thought that, and honestly, it's still a little scary to write this now.
But the other day, I opened that account I had forgotten about, and I felt like I could finally forgive my past self a little bit.
[Even though I had abandoned it, there were still sales]
I know now what I was doing wrong.
Back then, I was entrusting too much of my "self-worth" to numbers.
When the zeros continued, I thought it wasn't that my work was bad, but that I was bad.
Every time I refreshed the graph, I felt like I was being told whether I passed or failed.
But stock photography sales weren't like that.
A single piece I uploaded today might suddenly sell half a year later.
The numbers don't increase just by looking at them. Only my heart gets worn down.
Because I didn't realize that, I burned out.
I threw away the account and just forgot about it.
For a long time, "I couldn't make money" was my conclusion.
However, even while I had left it alone, sales had been trickling in.
In place of me, who was doing nothing, my past work was quietly working.
When I saw that, there was no one left to blame.
Even though I had blamed myself so much, my past self had actually left something behind.
If there is anyone out there right now who is constantly refreshing a zero-sales graph, I want to tell you this.
That graph is not your worth.
Stop refreshing it, and just add one more piece on a day when you're feeling better.
Even if you stop, it doesn't disappear.
That is the kindest part of this way of working.
I will start again from here.
This time, instead of focusing on the numbers, I'll focus on "whether I can keep going without breaking."
I will write about that journey in my series, "The Complete 10-Year Record of ASD x Adobe Stock."
If you'd like, please take a look at my Adobe Stock as well.
https://stock.adobe.com/jp/contributor/207652252/sally%20san
