More than 'Can I work?', it's 'Can I keep going without breaking?'

'Can I work?' was not enough

When I started thinking about returning to society, my question was 'Can I work?'

Can I apply for jobs?
Can I go to interviews?
Will I get hired?
Can I wake up in the morning?

Of course, all of these are important.

But recently, things have changed a little.
'Can I work?' alone is not enough.

I think 'Can I keep going without breaking?' is more important for me now.

Even if I can work once, if I can't keep it up, I will just suffer again

It's not that I haven't been able to work until now.

In fact, I have been a company employee for a long time.
There were times I worked hard.
There were times I was evaluated well.

Even so, in the end, the strain piled up, and my mind and body stopped.

Therefore, the next thing I should think about is not just getting hired.

Under what conditions can I continue?
In what kind of environment am I less likely to break?
Where should I ask for help?

Returning without thinking about these things is what I fear most.

Things I have tried in the first phase

In this series, I have conducted several experiments.

I wrote down unreasonable conditions.
I tried to build up my morning physical strength.
I went to the Hello Work counter.
I researched employment transition support.
I thought about how to communicate my needs for accommodations.
I created an explanation for my leave of absence.
I thought about it with the stamina for three days a week.
I thought about ways to leave reports, communication, and consultations in writing.
I decided on the distance for small talk.
I created procedures for after making a mistake.
I also looked at money.

They are all small.
But by repeating small experiments, working has become a little more concrete.

Not returning, but redesigning

Aiming to return to my former self makes things painful.
Because I end up demanding the same stamina, the same way of working, and the same endurance as back then.

But I am no longer my former self.
I have learned about my ASD traits.
I also have the experience of stopping due to depression.

If so, perhaps it is more natural to redesign rather than return to how things were.
Instead of pretending that the breakdown never happened, use the reason for it in your next design.

To you, who are struggling with the same thing

If you only think about whether you can work, your anxiety will intensify.
But if you think about whether you can keep going without breaking, what you need to look at will change.
Time, physical strength, relationships, accommodations, money, and people to consult.
These are all things that are fine to prepare before you start working.
Returning to society is not about using sheer willpower to go back to where you were.
I believe it is about building, one by one, a way that you can continue with your current self.