Some people are not looking forward to the birth of their child

My second child will be born next week.
Lately, various people have been saying to me, 'It's almost time for the baby, isn't it?' and 'You must be looking forward to the birth.'

Each time, I nod in acknowledgment, but I feel conflicted.

My wife, my parents, and my parents-in-law are all looking forward to the baby's birth, but I am the only one who is not.

To be precise, I do have feelings of excitement, but the feelings of anxiety are greater, making it impossible for me to feel truly excited.

Originally, I intended to work until the very last minute before the birth and take more than six months of childcare leave.

However, my depressive state from bipolar disorder and my eating disorder worsened, and I ended up on medical leave before my childcare leave could begin.

The anxiety is endless.

For one thing, there are still times when my depressive state is severe, and emotionally, anxiety outweighs excitement.

Beyond that,
・My sleep rhythm is about to be significantly disrupted, and I worry that my physical condition will worsen again.

・Will I be able to handle childcare while my health is poor?

・Will I be able to participate in a return-to-work program in this state, and will I be able to return to work at all?

・Can I really balance work and family life in my current state?

There is no end to the things I start thinking about.

Even though the baby hasn't been born yet, anxiety is already dominating me.
Therefore, regarding the baby's birth, my anxiety inevitably becomes stronger than my excitement.

Perhaps I am unfit to be a parent.

I wonder if there might be others out there who feel the same way.

Hoping that a day will come when I can laugh this off, I decided to post this for the first time in a while.