Night 31: My Love and the Children Born from It - Chanmina "I hate this love song"

At night, I hold my daughter's hand as she lies in bed.
Even though both my older and younger children are in elementary school, they still say, "I want Daddy to sleep with me" when it's time to sleep.
I lie down next to them and hold their hands.
It's already June, the rainy season, so their hands are a little sweaty.

The result of a blind, obsessive action in a certain moment is what leads to the present.
Past actions, accompanied by material results, exist realistically before my eyes.
Could there be a more clear-cut "result" than this?
I feel the mysterious bond that connects the past and the future.

Back then, around 2015, I was obsessed with my wife.
To be precise, I was obsessed with a woman who would later become my wife.
I blindly desired her, and I didn't want anything or anyone else.
I would listen to songs like back number's "Heroine" and sing them at karaoke with friends who were also struggling with love.
That lyric, "I wonder if I'm not good enough for your everyday life," that incredibly self-deprecating and timid opening—I thought it was genius.

At 28, I was just obsessed with one woman, and that was it—I just "wanted her."
I wanted the time and space with her, and I didn't need anything else.
Just that, nothing more.

The result of that blind "love" is here before my eyes now, in the form of my two daughters.
By the way, my wife is also, of course, in front of me every day.
The days with her that I wanted are right here.

Chanmina "I hate this love song"

Chanmina's new song, "I hate this love song," has been released.
It came up as a suggestion on Apple Music, so I listened to it.
A clear masterpiece that you can tell from the first listen.
When you hear a masterpiece, you sometimes fall into the illusion that you've known the song forever, from the very first moment you heard it.
It's the same feeling I had when I first heard Utada's "First Love" or Aimer's "Kataomoi."
It feels so natural for this song to be there that I can't believe no one had sung this song until now.

The title "I hate this love song" is also absolutely perfect.
Love is not something you do because you decide to.
You don't look for a partner because you want to get married, nor do you look for one because you want a lover.
Simply put, finding yourself doing it naturally is what it means to be truly obsessed with something.

Therefore, the contradiction of singing a love song while saying "I hate this love song" is not a contradiction at all.
That act and those feelings don't fit any love song someone else has sung, and even the words and melodies I produce myself aren't the truth.
They aren't the truth, but to convey them, I want to put them into words or shape them, even a little.
But I'm also scared, because I feel like that might destroy the feeling itself.
If you can barely capture those delicate and sensitive feelings that you can't or don't want to put into words, that is the work of art.
It's Chanmina who turns that into a song, and the production work that translates it into sound.
The producer is Ryosuke "Dr.R" Sakai, who also appeared on the "No No Girls" program.

A place to find peace

While saying such romantic, artistic things, actual love is quite realistic.
When I was obsessed with the woman I fell in love with 10 years ago, the reason I fell for her in the first place was the thought, "I could (I want to) build a family with this person."
That love existed because of that thought.

Love in your mid-20s and beyond tends to keep such medium-to-long-term relationships in view.
Regardless of whether you're looking at marriage, it's an age where the desire to build a long-term relationship with a lover becomes stronger.
The reason is that it's a time when the pain of "parting" hits home.
Having experienced parting with loved ones several times, the pain and futility of it make the desire to "not want to repeat this" stronger.

I'm sure my children will also experience a lot of painful things from now on.
My oldest child has had a habit since she was little of loving stuffed animals very much.
She hugs them tight and dotes on them.
I somehow think, this child will someday love someone with the same intensity.
Sometimes that might be a lover, and sometimes it might be her own child.
Stuffed animals and children don't suddenly betray you. (At least not when the child is young enough to be the object of such doting.)
However, the opposite sex can betray your feelings and leave.
When she fails to judge that correctly, I think my daughter will be hurt.
When she dotes on someone and that person leaves.

No matter how much you love someone, there are people who, far from reciprocating that love, will use that love against you to hurt you.
When I think about what the trick to avoiding that is, I think it's probably choosing someone who has been hurt by love.
People who have been hurt by love realize the value of love and try to cherish the love that is born next.
But it's a difficult story, because to realize such things, you yourself must also have been hurt by love and realized the value of love.
Herein lies the difficulty and harshness of life.

It is quite difficult to teach such things from parent to child.
Even if you can teach it as words, you probably won't realize it until you know it through experience. (And I don't think any child would seriously listen to such a lecture from a parent.)
I think there are limits to being a parent.
However, no matter how much they get hurt, I want to provide a place they can always return to, a place where they can find peace.
I want to keep it ready for them, so it's always there.
I feel like that's the best thing.

Finally, I'll post the THE FIRST TAKE video again.
It's "SAD SONG" by the finalists of No No Girls.
During the audition, they went through incredibly painful experiences and were hurt a lot.
In the midst of that, they often contacted their "moms" for support.
Some people found relief in going to karaoke with their fathers.
I feel like being that kind of presence is the best thing.

ーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーー

There is probably no such thing as a "correct" life.
But if it's a beautiful life, pop music will surely teach you.
Because pop music is something you share with someone.

That's all for today! See you tomorrow!
This series is "Mechi-Mechi's Tonight This Song"

My X account is here.
https://x.com/Mechi05Gold

I'm posting almost every day, so please like and follow!
▼ Click here to follow