Organizing Your Thoughts When You Don't Know Your True Feelings | 15-Minute Exercise (with Template)

Thank you for your hard work this month.
The end of the month makes your mind busy before you even realize it, doesn't it...🌙

“I made it through this month, but will I be okay next month?”
“I need to do better (solo reflection meeting)”
“Will I be okay like this...”

Sometimes, anxiety just grows on its own like that.

Even if you want to organize your thoughts,
you don't know your true feelings,
and you don't know what you want to do...
There are nights like that.

I don't always know my true feelings perfectly either.
If you'd like, let's find them together, little by little.

What we will do in this article (15-minute exercise)

From here on,
we will do an exercise (with template) to organize your thoughts and get closer to your true feelings in 15 minutes
together.

There are roughly three things we will do in this exercise.

1. Get the “musts/shoulds” out to reduce mental clutter

2. Use your body's reactions as a clue to turn your “current true feelings” into one sentence

3. Break it down into a “small first step” you can take today

First, just for 30 seconds...

Please write down just
one“must/should” that is currently on your mind.
(Thinking about it in your head is also fine)

Example:

• I have to reply properly

• I have to try harder

• I shouldn't take a break

• I have to show that I'm doing things right

If you can come up with one, you've already reached the starting point for today.

I wasn't the type to realize my true feelings quickly.
In fact, I spent more time trying not to notice them.

One day, a clear sign appeared in my body.

"I should do this"
"I must do this"
"I have to do it properly"

I acted according to these thoughts,
and while I was pretending not to see the signs from my heart,
one day, my stomach started hurting and I threw up.

After getting checked at the hospital,
it was erosive gastritis (stress-induced gastritis).

At that moment,
"Oh, I've been forcing my heart to do too much for a long time,"
I felt as if my body had taught me that.

And another sign was my habit of speech.
As I got older, I became less able to clearly state my likes and dislikes.
Before I knew it,"Anything is fine"had become more frequent.

It sounds like kindness, but in my case, it was probably a phrase that also came out
when I had left my true feelings somewhere behind.

There is a way of thinking I often use.

True feelings often don't turn into words right away.
Instead, what is easier to find first is thinking like
"I must / I should / Usually / Properly"
.

I think of this as being like "onion skins" 🧅

The more skins there are, the harder it is to see the center (your true feelings), so I start by organizing the skins.

For example, these are "skins of thought."

• I must

• I should

• Usually

• Properly

• The image of who I should be
  

When getting closer to my true feelings, what I rely on is
something much more modest than "inspiration."

• Something feels off (uneasy)

• Something feels painful (a tightness in the chest)

• Something feels reassuring (shoulders relaxing)

• Feeling a little happy for some reason

By using these subtle physical reactions as clues,
it becomes easier to separate the "shoulds/musts" in your head from your true feelings.

What is the strongest "should/must" you have been feeling lately?
Let's start by finding just one of those together.

From here on, to ensure you don't lose that sensation,
we will organize the "layers of thought (shoulds/musts)"and do a 15-minute exercise to get closer to your true feelings.

(Includes template, example, and 1-minute route)

15-Minute Exercise to Get Closer to Your True Feelings🧅

※Paper or a smartphone memo app is fine✨
If possible, try turning off your notifications just for now.

0. Introduction (Promises)

From here on, we will proceed together with the15-minute exercise to get closer to your true feelings.This is not a task to find the correct answer,
but ratheran organization process to ensure you don't treat your current self carelessly.

First, please let me make 3 promises.
(※You can also just read through this exercise. It's okay to write when you feel like it.)

1. No need for correct answers: It's okay if you can't put it into words well.

2. Do only what you can: It's not a failure if you don't do everything.

3. On tough days, the "1-minute route" is enough: It's plenty if you just reach the entrance today.

1. Narrow it down to one theme (This is the most important part)

First, choosejust onetheme that is making your head busy today.
If you have multiple, it's okay to prioritize
the one your body reacts to the most.

Theme Candidates (Examples)

• Wanting to decline but unable to (friends, invitations, requests)

• Replying is exhausting / Can't stop feeling like I have to reply

• Feeling distressed by the increasing pressure to 'do better'

• Don't know my true feelings / Can't make a decision

• Guilt (feeling restless when resting)

• Cannot rely on others / Cannot speak up

How to decide on a theme

• Which 'must/should' is the strongest right now?

• When you think of it, what happens to your body? (Chest tight / Shoulders heavy / Shallow breathing, etc.)

Once you have decided on one theme,
found one 'must/should',
and understood even a little bit of your body's reaction,

you have already made proper progress today.
Next, for this theme,
we will externalize the 'layers of thought' in your head.

* 1-minute route (for tough days - doing just this is okay)

• Write down just one theme for today

• Write down just one 'must/should'

• Write down your physical reaction in one word (heavy / tight / nothing is also okay)

2. Write out the layers of thought (externalize the clutter in your head)

This is an important step.
Before trying to find your true feelings,
first 'automatically arising thoughts' are externalized.

The "layers of thought" I deal with here are things like these.

• Must do / Should do

• Usually / Normally

• Properly / Correctly

• The image of who I should be

• What others might think of me

• Don't want to fail / Don't want to be disliked

Often, when you don't know your true feelings, what comes out first isn't your "true feelings" but rather these "layers."Therefore, we will start by organizing these layers.

Tips for writing it down

• No need to write in full sentences (words are fine)

• No need to write neatly (in fact, messy is fine)

3. Check your body's reaction (strong/weak is enough)

Next, look at each of the "layers of thought" you wrote down,
and check how your body reacts to them.

This is not a diagnosis.
It is a process to understand your current state.

Examples of physical reactions

• Chest feels tight

• Breathing becomes shallow

• Stomach feels heavy

• Shoulders feel stiff

• Feeling restless or uneasy

• Feeling a sudden sense of relief

• Feeling a little more at ease

• Feeling nothing (this is also okay)

Checklist

• Layer of thought:

• Reaction (Strong/Medium/Weak):

• Location or sensation in the body:

4. Questions to peel back the layers (Just one sheet is fine)

Choose one item with a "strong" reaction. (If you are unsure, pick the one your body reacted to the most)

The shell of the thought you chose: _________________

From here, we will look at the "inside of the shell" using 4 questions.
Short answers are fine. It's okay if nothing comes to mind.

Q1: Who is that for?
For me? For the other person? For the situation? To "not be disliked"?

Answer:

Q2: What are you afraid of if you don't protect that?
Awkwardness / being disliked / causing trouble / being blamed / being disappointed... etc.

Answer:

Q3: What do you actually want to protect?
My peace of mind / relationships / respect / rest / freedom / integrity, etc.

Answer:

Q4: Which one does the current you need?
(Choosing just one is fine)
Rest / take distance / put on hold / decline / rely on someone / communicate / don't decide today

Answer:

By this point, the "outline of your true feelings" should start to emerge a little.

5. Summarize your true feelings into one sentence (your current true feelings are fine)

Your true feelings are not a "correct answer."
The direction that makes the current me feel most at easeis what you should put into one sentence.

One-sentence template

True feelings (one sentence):
________________________________________________

6. Give your true feelings a name (a way to avoid treating your emotions carelessly)

This is a process for making it easier to handle rather than for finding 'deep meaning'.

When your true feelings have a name, it becomes easier to notice when the same state occurs again, thinking, 'Ah, it's this again.'

Any name is fine.
(e.g., little me / small me / inside / heart / today's me, etc.)

Name of true feelings:
________________________

Just treating them as
something to care for, like a Tamagotchi or a Pokémon, is effective enough.

7. Today's Move (Small and Concrete)

Finally, decide on a 'small move' you can make today.
It doesn't have to be a big decision.
In fact, smaller is better.

Today's move:
________________________________________________

Entry Example (Invitation from a friend)

※This is just an example, so feel free to use your own theme.

Theme: Cannot turn down a friend's invitation

Surface of thoughts: It's bad to refuse / I don't want to be disliked / I don't want to ruin the mood

Reaction: 'It's bad to refuse' → Chest tightens (strong)

Q2 (What I fear): Being disliked, things becoming awkward

Q3 (What I want to protect): The relationship is important, but I also want to protect my own rest

One sentence of true feelings: I want to rest today. I want to stop forcing myself to meet up.

Name: little me

Today's Action: Convey, "I don't have much emotional capacity today... I'm sorry, but I'll have to pass. I'll reach out to you once things settle down."

*1-minute route (for tough days)

Write down 3 layers of thought

• Write down your body's reaction in one word (tight/heavy/numb)

• Write down your true feelings in just one sentence

• Decide on just one action for today

Even just doing this is enough.

Finally

There are days when your true feelings don't turn into words right away.
Even so, the moment you notice a "must/should" you have already moved forward✨

If today, even one of these:

• You peeled back one layer

• You noticed a physical reaction

• Your true feelings became one sentence

• A small action was decided

If you managed to do any of these, that is enough for today✨

Today, you didn't treat your feelings carelessly.
That alone has real value!

That concludes the exercise.
Great work...🧸☕️✨

Bonus: List of common "layers of thought"

• I have to do things properly

• I shouldn't be a burden

• It would be bad to refuse

• I don't want to be disliked

• I don't want to ruin the mood

• I have to meet expectations

• I shouldn't take a break

• I have to be the one to do it