Burst

When I was driving and swerved to avoid an obstacle, I hit a bump and my tire burst.

"Burst"

I didn't know what this word meant at the time, but I learned it the hard way.
Just from hitting a bump?! The tire exploded?! I was skeptical at the time, because I had driven about 500 meters, you know. But in reality, it had burst. The tire was no longer usable.

"Puncture"

I understand this one. I've had punctures on both bicycles and cars. When you get a puncture, the vehicle shakes and you can't drive well. It's especially dangerous if a car gets a puncture. But if you just fix the puncture, it's fine again. The tire can still be used.

The introduction was about cars, but from here on, it's about people. While thinking about a "burst," I suddenly remembered the past.

"I guess I 'burst' back then too. Haha"

As long as you live as a human, there are many things: frustrations, sorrows, and times you just want to disappear. I had times like that too.

No, maybe my tire wore out from the constant cycle of "punctures" and "repairs" until it finally "burst"?
Puncture -> Repair, Puncture -> Repair, Puncture -> Repair, Puncture -> Repair... On the verge of the limit -> Burst

You can buy a new tire, but you can't buy a new "me," can you... When a hole opens, you plug it and use it again. I feel like my life has been a series of that. Eventually, I must have gotten weak, burst, and become irreparable.

But you know, even though I say I "burst," I'm actually alive now, and I'm growing older in good health.
Even though I should have become an irreparable human. It certainly took time to get here. A tire has to be replaced when it bursts, but a human can be repaired. (As long as you don't take your own life.) I learned this the hard way too.

So, to be precise,
"I guess I had an experience back then where my 'tire burst.' Haha"
might be better.

Even now, I get "punctures" all the time. Every time that happens, my life hacks for plugging the holes come in handy. I'm sure everyone has life hacks like that, right? In short, things like "hobbies," "healing," or "self-care."

It was hard to create those "life hacks" of mine. I'm the kind of person who can't "relax" or "let go." I'm always afraid, tense, or anxious about something. Once I fall, I stay down. If I make even one mistake, I dwell on it for a long time. A negative person who always drifts in a negative aura. A troublesome person.

That doesn't mean I don't have hobbies or things that heal me. I do have them, my own "likes." To be precise, I lived a life where I couldn't show those "likes," so I couldn't just reveal them recklessly. That's why I was always in a state of tension. Feeling inferior to someone or something. (To whom?)
I kept chanting a spell in my heart like, "I shouldn't be the only one having fun, I shouldn't be the only one feeling happy." I envied the people on TV and YouTube who were freely enjoying their hobbies and living a refined life.

The me back then, who had her own "likes," hobbies, and healing but couldn't show them, must have been driving on a tire that was hard to drive on, leaving the punctures as they were and just reinforcing them haphazardly with glue.

Perhaps my inner self hasn't changed much even now. Or maybe, it has changed a little. As proof, the puncture holes have been patched, and I haven't had a blowout. I suppose that old blowout really took a toll on me. Even while remaining in the same environment as before, I've started to value myself, and I'm expressing what I 'like' openly.

While struggling, while drowning,

“I am here!”
“This is what I like!”
“This is what I want to do right now!”
“You got a problem with that??!!”

With an attitude like that, I'm quite bold.

There are many people in this world who say things like, “You're getting depressed over something like that?!”, “You're quitting your job over something like that?!”, or “You're so mentally weak.” To people like that, sensitivity is seen as nothing more than being a weak person, both in mind and body.
So, if you do have a blowout, I hope you find a good mechanic. If you find good tires, you'll be able to run again.

You shouldn't have a blowout. It's a state of complete mental shutdown and survival impossibility. I think it's a miracle I was able to recover.

You shouldn't have a blowout. Let's notice it before it gets to that point.

Stop! Look at your feet.
Not being able to notice is proof that you aren't valuing yourself, proof that you aren't looking at yourself.

There is no replacement for you.