64 After letting those who want to win, win.

I started my work at the theater, where I eventually served as the general manager of the usher staff, as a part-time job.
My older sister found a flyer for a part-time job opening and recommended it to me, saying something like, "Ayumi, you seem like you'd like this." For some reason, my antenna started twitching.
I was unemployed at the time. I had already decided to go to school starting in the spring to study for a certification. Since I had free time otherwise, I made an immediate decision and sent in my resume.
The pre-employment training was super fun, and during the facility tour, I stuck right by the instructor (my future boss) the whole time.
I was thrilled and excited in a world I had never seen before that I had suddenly jumped into😍♥
Perhaps because it was a comfortable environment where music was always nearby, I became obsessed with it immediately.

That said, I didn't come from a musical background; my father just listened to classical music at home. I had taken piano and drum lessons, but I had forgotten them long ago. I can no longer play instruments, and I'm not particularly fond of musicals or plays. I have no interest in ballet or rakugo. Actually, Ayumi is someone who doesn't know much about the world, let alone music. ←Of course, I was unaware of this at the time.
For example, right after joining the company, I was surprised to see the encore program listed in the materials at hand.
I was shocked that the encore wasdecided in advance😃💦
I had assumed the artists decided it on the spot based on their mood, but they actually rehearsed it...😅

I had lived a life where I "didn't know things that everyone else generally knows" at that level.
When I sent in my resume, I had jumped in taking the words on the flyer at face value, thinking, "I'll be guiding seats in a beautiful theater!😍"
Even without that, my past history of part-time jobs was miserable, and there wasn't a single job I could handle properly.

Actually, there was one thing I was aware of regarding this miserable part-time job history. My ability to calculate money was beyond clumsy; it was at a kindergarten level. I am extremely weak with numbers and calculations. In the first place, I have resistance and disgust toward touching money (not because of mysophobia). So, I jumped in thinking that as an usher, I wouldn't have to touch money!

In reality, it wasn't such an easy workplace, but now
that I think about it, I apparently possessed a soul of steel, and this job was my calling.
Fortunately, I was good at reading people's expressions and emotions, so I understood what customers wanted to convey without even asking. I stood out with my innate sense and was promoted to chief three months after joining😏✋. Thus, I gained experience as a part-time worker every day.
I continued for a while, and just as I was thinking I'd like to become a full-time employee and take on a supervisory role, I was approached by a boss I respected who asked, "Why don't you try it?" and I decided on my path with an immediate yes. This was truly an important turning point in my life.

In my life up until then, I had frequently changed fields every few months to a few years, either completing my learning or giving up on them.
But I stayed here for 10 years.
Of course, the number of years isn't everything. But it meant that an opportunity had arrived for me to firmly plant my roots in the ground and grow into a large tree.
I wasn't consciously aware of that at the time; it seems it was a decision at the soul level, and 10 years had passed while I was running headlong into it. Of course, it wasn't a field I could clear in a few years.
The difficulty level was high, and that's exactly why it was fun. ←Maybe I'm a pervert😏✋

☽

I feel that when people's bodies or minds can't take it anymore, they take a break or start over in a new field. For a long time, whenever I stopped learning and started getting too comfortable, I would always feel uneasy or
experience phenomena that felt like I was being pushed out. That's why I often leave by deciding to quit myself.
I should always be able to tell whether or not I have finished learning there. Even if I don't know at that moment, the scenery I encounter next will be the answer to whether I have moved on to the next stage.

For example, there are times when you notice the voice of your soul saying "you must overcome this," even when your body and mind are screaming.
In other words,there are definitely critical moments in life that one must never run away from. If you can face yourself firmly there, perhaps you can step forward to a new stage. After all, the critical moment itself is just an opportunity you prepared for yourself.
For me, that was this workplace.

*

I had encounters with many souls.
From a soul perspective, it made me think, "We must have made a promise to meet, all of us."
I think it was a meeting place for souls with whom I have a deep connection.

Apart from that, it can be said just by looking at the number of people I met.
I welcomed hundreds to thousands of customers per performance.
The clients also changed almost every day.
I conducted interviews for at least 500 people in total.
The in-house staff I managed also worked with dozens of different people in different combinations every day. The harmony played that day was a miracle of sound for that day only. We would never harmonize with the same sound again.
I repeated such days.

The customers that the general manager deals with are all carrying "anger."
Their true requests and thoughts are tucked away in the depths of their hearts, and on top of that,they have a lid of anger. Even if they aren't visibly angry, anger is usually carried in their words, attitude, or aura, and they are "attacking" with invisible spears and shields.
Actually, they are in trouble and seeking help.
That's how it looked to me. So I start by removing the lid of anger. To do that, I first need to catch the spear with my body like Musashibo Benkei.

Generally, customers who raise opinions or complaints are emotionally immature and cannot process their own emotions. They think that the cause of their stirred emotions lies in someone or something else. In short, they are in a state where they cannot take responsibility for the emotions that well up from within themselves.
Such customers aren't just throwing tantrums here (the theater where I am). No matter where they go, the scenery they see doesn't change.
It's the same everywhere. They must be encountering phenomena where anger, rejection, and disgust toward themselves are reflected back at them.

Basically, if you listen and accept their claims, their anger subsides on the surface.
In other words, what I did here was not to act as a mirror and reflect it back, but to absorb (take on) their darkness.
That's why, when leaving, they would be in a good mood and say, "You have it tough too. I'll come again. Thanks." Because a person named Ayumi absorbs all the darkness, male customers don't see "their own darkness" inside Ayumi. That's why they feel comfortable and go home.
But that is temporary, and from there on, it's not something I can do anything about; it is darkness (emotions) that they must truly carry themselves.

☽

"Anger" is like an "overture" in opera.
After the overture, when the curtain rises, the story finally unfolds. Therefore, it's pointless unless the overture (anger) stops and the main story (the turn to state their true requests) begins.

The overture I always heard was like this.
I have received verbal abuse, insults, denials, shouting, abusive language, delusions, lies, spitting..., and various other things.
If you talk back or interrupt during this turn, the overture will never end. Sometimes there were people whose overture never stopped forever.
For the time being, I would remain silent until they had spat everything out.
Because there are no customers who can beat my perseverance😃✌️
I feel like I have polished my "own spiritual realm" through various experiences at this site.

About three years after becoming the general manager, I devised a method of "letting the overture flow past me." Since they are blurting things out in a heartless state, they won't remember it anyway, and there is no substance to mere verbal abuse.
During that time, I would look for a bench with my eyes in case my legs got tired, count the moles on my face, or think about other things. It was hard to take it all in, so I learned how to vent. While doing that, I would listen sincerely to their requests once the customer returned to their senses.

But even that, to me, was just "a child's selfishness toward their mother."
It's like they are testing my love by saying unreasonable things to get their desires met. So I don't react to that testing behavior one by one. I skillfully rejected requests where malice or cunning could be seen through. Basically, I only responded to genuine troubles. Well, I often accepted "malice" disguised as "genuine trouble" too.
In other words, a complainer is just someone who didn't have their needs met enough in childhood, doing the same thing to their family, partner, surroundings, and society even as an adult.

☽

There is always a reason for the people you meet.
There was a reason why I handled tough customer service every single day.
In this life, intended to be the culmination of human reincarnation, I needed to re-absorb and integrate emotions I had long ago discarded.
I needed to bring them back into myself once, and then completely detach from them afterward.
Even before coming to the theater, there was no comfortable place for me, and in a sense, it was a life where I was undergoing spiritual training.
But I feel that by carrying that strength and using it as a foundation, I was able to incorporate the emotions that humans possess to some extent over these 10 years.

🐰"Ah... there are times when you react like that, aren't there"
"Ah... there are times when you think like that, aren't there"
"Ah... that makes you angry, doesn't it"
"Ah... that's happy, isn't it"

I had already experienced everything the customers were saying.
They were emotions that I had completely accepted.
I don't know if all of that was something I gained in this life, but for my soul, it was content that I had already "finished."
In other words, "there were no emotions I didn't understand."

*

One day, when a clear guidance error by a staff member was discovered, I went to apologize. I rejected the demand for money and continued to apologize. I spent a long time dealing with it.
I had a theater staff member waiting next to me, but it is an unspoken rule that I am the one who mainly handles (apologizes for) matters related to usher staff. I was explaining concrete measures to prevent recurrence, but the man ignored it and told me to "kneel and apologize."

The moment I took a step back and was about to crouch down, my arm was grabbed by the staff member, and I was stopped without a word. Then the staff member said to the man, "This kind of thing constitutes extortion and coercion." It wasn't just this time. The staff member helped me with various other things too.
However, I didn't mind kneeling or anything. I felt like, "If that's what it takes for you to be satisfied and go home, I'll do it." It's not me who is embarrassed. It's the customer.
Ayumi just puts her forehead on the floor while sitting in seiza.
It was like, oh, there was a prayer ritual like that.
Well, it seems it was NG from the theater's perspective, though.


☽

Actually, this world is all about whether you can do this or not. (Though I don't think you need to actually prostrate yourself.)
I realized this recently.

I talked about this a little bit in "60 What it means to 'choose the light'."
From a worldly perspective, the man won against me.
People who try to confront a supervisor are always full of the desire to win from the start, and they come at you aggressively.
I lost to the man. But in the realm of the soul, I won.
I have no interest in winning or losing, but perhaps that is just how the mechanism looks from the perspective of the soul.
This world and the next are inverted; if you win in this world, you lose in the other. It's upside down.

Can you remain silent while being showered with complaints and verbal abuse?
Can you continue to meet their expectations and let the other person feel good about winning? Can you accept unreasonable demands? Can you let the other person take the credit even when you are not in the wrong?
Instead of treating the darkness reflected in a male customer as "someone else's darkness," I took it as the darkness I had discarded and separated from myself long ago, and confronted it once again.
It is a necessary method for integration.
Over the course of 10 years, I finally finished absorbing various darknesses and left this field myself.
If someone wants to win, just let them win.
I have grown significantly, twice over.


*

Just last autumn..., that version of me,
watched "Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba – Swordsmith Village Arc."
That little demon, I was defeated by him. 😃💦

[The following contains spoilers.
　If you haven't seen it yet, close this now.. 🐰🌼]

I was genuinely furious at that little demon.
He doesn't confront his opponent. He keeps running away.
That little demon who tries to escape from the events in front of him, his own sins, and the emotions he should accept.
Joy, anger, sorrow, pleasure, fear, resentment, hatred...
The more he runs away from the emotions he doesn't want to accept,
the more he separates from himself, and new demons are born.

Even though it's a story, I was so incredibly angry,
my blood pressure rose, and my hands were in fists 👊.
Why do I feel such gut-wrenching irritation toward that little demon now?
I finally understood it recently, and I have reached the point where I can put it into words like this.

I hate people like that "little demon." I cannot understand them. I don't even want to understand them. Why do they lie? Why do they run away from unpleasant things? Why do they run away from their own negative emotions? Why don't they take responsibility for the sins they have committed? Why do they close their eyes, blame others, and shift the blame onto someone or something other than themselves?

The demon with the drums on his back in the image above is a demon named "Hatred" that separated from that little demon.
What the little demon did not confront separated and gave birth to a new demon. The person (demon) himself is not even aware of it.
In Demon Slayer, they label that as an "evil person."
Evil people do not try to confront things. Even if they were to confront them, they would still claim, "The 'Hatred Demon' is not me." It is truly a twisted nature.
And, naturally, the kind people (Tanjiro and his friends) end up taking on (confronting) the "Hatred Demon."

I have been carrying the burdens of "emotionally immature people"
on their behalf for a long time.
Even though they weren't my burdens.
I have walked my path while taking on the heavy burdens that others should have been carrying.
I finally realized that.
I will no longer carry other people's burdens.
I will throw them back at the people they belong to.
With this, I am finally lighthearted.
How will Tanjiro and his friends deal with it...
I haven't seen the story after the "Swordsmith Village Arc" yet. I'm looking forward to it (*´艸｀*)✨

Ayumi☽

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