The Bond Forged Through Walking Together -Junior High School Entrance Exams-

Following up on last week's article,“The True Meaning of Accompanying,”I would like to write about a personal experience.

It is the story ofmy eldest son taking on the challenge of junior high school entrance exams.It was a journey we embarked on in earnest after he set it as his goal around the fourth grade of elementary school.
As this was a realm I had no experience in myself, I often felt anxious and bewildered. At first, while gathering various information from books and YouTube, only the vague idea that
“this is a very steep path”was imprinted on me, and I spent my days wondering if we would ever reach the goal.

My eldest son had a quiet personality, and if anything, he was serious and did things at his own pace, doing only the minimum amount of study required. Because of that, he didn't have much ambition, and he was in one of the lower-level classes at his cram school. As a parent, while I thought there would come a time when he would say he wanted to quit, I steeled myself, thinking,“Since we decided to take on this challenge, I will accompany him until the very end.”

During the journey, there were many periods of stagnation where his academic ability didn't improve, such as falling into the lowest class based on regular test results, being swayed by mock exam results and deviation scores, and wandering through days of not knowing how to study... these were the biggest highlights. However, there was one reason my eldest son didn't stop the challenge. That was“that he enjoyed the cram school classes.”The teachers were truly amazing! According to my eldest son, he often said, “The teachers are just interesting,” rather than talking about the exams, and this journey continued.So, even when his grades weren't improving, I adopted a mindset oftrusting and relying on the teachers completely.And I will write down a few things I did as a parent.

1. Schedule Management
He was still an elementary school student, chased by immediate homework, and couldn't see ahead. That's where the parent comes in.I bought a management notebook for parent and child, and visualized the daily To-Do list in three blocks: “Morning, Afternoon, and Evening.”Naturally, he also had school homework, so I wrote it downin detail in 15-minute increments.My eldest son would look at that and clear the To-Dos he found easiest to start with. When he became a sixth grader, he started attending cram school on weekends and had mock exams, so the digestion rate of To-Dos, or progress, tended to lag.And I decided on one rule. If the plan fell 1.5 days behind, we would boldly cut that part (discard it and not try to recover it) and reset to the To-Dos that needed to be done that day.

2. Calls to the Teachers
Naturally, the studies were high-level, so I couldn't teach him. So, I used the teachers to the fullest. Every weekend, I would call the teachers (at least for two subjects) to share my eldest son's learning status, and when the results of the monthly test came out once a month,I would ask, “What should we do now?” and prioritize the items they taught me to incorporate into the schedule.By doing this, we stopped thinking about unnecessary things, andbeing able to focus on what needed to be done now was a point of relief for both parent and child.They might have thought I was an annoying parent (bitter laugh), but that level is just right. But time doesn't go back, somy single-minded focus was to do what I could as a parent without regrets.

3. Expressing Admiration
My eldest son didn't have much confidence. But he didn't slack off and went through his homework every day. However,this “doing it calmly” is actually an amazing thing.He attended half-days on Saturdays and all day on Sundays, bringing a packed lunch. No games, no playing with friends, just doing it calmly. Putting academic ability aside for a moment,I kept conveying my admiration in words. “You’re amazing, [Name]. Even your father couldn't do this much. Tell me anything if you need to.” That was it.My eldest son didn't show it on his face, but I'm sure he felt relieved.I saw the essence of accompanying here.
One point of caution: since “Do your best” can lean toward the negative, a stance of “admiration” that provides relief and watching over is better for a child's mental state.

And now,the important point that led to passing.After the tumultuous summer course in the sixth grade, we tackled past exam questions (Red Books). Based on the results of mock exams so far, the acceptance rate for his desired school was always E/D, and his deviation score hadn't reached the level with 5 months left. The advice we received from the teacher was
“Please be conscious of the compatibility with past exam questions.”So, we picked 2 or 3 schools that were at the level of his first-choice school and within commuting distance, and as a result of working on those past questions,we found one school that was compatible and where he could get high scores.By the way, this school was one where his deviation score hadn't reached yet, but after becoming conscious of compatibility, we stopped caring about “numbers and guidelines” like deviation scores and school acceptance judgments entirely. This was psychologically huge. We were able to immediately decide on it as a “safety school = one certain school” and spend the time after autumn that way.As a result, from the performance on the past questions of this safety school, he gradually gained a sense of “I can do it” and confidence, which had a positive ripple effect on the past questions of his first-choice school, and he finally won his ticket to enrollment.

Daily accompaniment, sometimes wandering...
Anxiety, impatience, ideals and reality, and joy. A precious experience that can only be tasted during this period. Looking back, daily schedule management, driving to and from cram school, sleeping side by side... growing 1mm, 1cm every day as parent and child, accumulating this accompaniment,I am grateful to my eldest son for giving me an incredibly huge treasure and bond in life.I could only accompany and watch over him, but I'm sure I, as the father, learned more.

My eldest son is now a high school student, attending school happily.
As for his long life ahead, no one knows yet whether this journey was the right path. However, I believe that the experience of taking on the challenge and the confidence he gained are deeply etched within him.

Thank you very much for reading until the end.