What I thought about when I stopped to reflect on being 'tired of how I'm perceived'

Recently, there were days when opening note felt a bit exhausting.

I don't really know the reason myself.
But I had this feeling, like something was stirring deep in my chest.

Today, I'd like to write a little bit about the book 'The Courage to Be Disliked'.
Back then, nothing really sank in.
I'm sure many of you have already read it.

Actually, I finished reading this book once last August.
But I don't think almost anything registered in my mind at the time.

I was following the words, but my heart wasn't ready to receive them yet.

The other day, after finishing it again on Audible,

'Oh, it was saying such profound things'

I finally realized the weight of it.

It's amazing how the same book can reach you so differently depending on the timing and the medium.

There are two points that left a particularly strong impression on me.

First, the first one is,

'Trauma does not exist'

the fact that it states this so clearly.
Honestly, it wasn't a statement I could accept right away.

You cannot go on living if you keep dragging the past around forever.
What has been called trauma until now has soaked into me more than enough.
But someday, I have to have the courage to look forward.

By the way, Adlerian psychology is also said to be the 'psychology of courage'.

The second thing that struck a chord with me is that itquite clearly denies the desire for recognitionas well.

Recently, I've been feeling a sense of unease more often when looking at social media.

It is the same when I have note open.
Somewhere in my heart, there is a hazy feeling snagged, and it unravels like a thin thread.

While pretending it is nothing major, it is a sense of discomfort that definitely remains within me.
Without being able to put it into words well, it has been stuck deep in my chest for a long time.
But, I decided that I want to cherish this hazy feeling.

Living to be recognized by others means, in other words, living someone else's life.

When I thought that, I wanted to stop for a moment.

"How I am perceived"

as the axis (other-centered), or

"How I want to live"

as the axis (self-centered).

It is just that small difference, but
the center of gravity of life changes completely, doesn't it.

This is also

a matter of

"separation of tasks."

I have perhaps always been writing while worrying about

"how I am perceived."

Even on note,

I sometimes feel an atmosphere where

"likes"

are thought to be better the more you have.

But, I think this. No matter how few likes there are, I want to properly cherish the articles that I myself think,

"I am glad I wrote this."

The number of likes is one indicator.
But you don't have to define yourself by that alone.

There are days when I am swayed by numbers, but what I want to hold onto in the end is not the evaluation of others, but my own sense of satisfaction.

Even if the response is small, or quiet, if I think it's good, then that's enough.
I want to write articles that I myself would read and think, 'I like this.'
When I read, I also want to choose based on my own feelings, not by the numbers.

Adlerian psychology is quite difficult.
In this book, it is also written as follows.

Given my age, it might be impossible for me to fully understand Adlerian psychology in my lifetime.

At first, I think I will feel a bit uneasy while reading it.
But I want to cherish that feeling of unease as well.

I hope that as I repeat these internal conflicts, one day Adler's teachings will become a natural part of my heart.

Not how I am perceived, but how I want to live.
I want to keep holding onto that question from now on.

I received a congratulatory board for this article.
Thank you very much.

I am accepting questions for me!
I hope to use them as an opportunity to think about the difficulties of living.
It's anonymous, so please feel free to ask.

Depending on my physical condition or circumstances, I may take a break from replying to comments.
Even so, I am reading every comment I receive with care.
Thank you always.