Why has owning a home become a 'condition for marriage' in China?

A society where romance, parental assets, and even a man's worth are packed into a single apartment

In this series, we depict the daily lives of people around the world—lives that go beyond what you see in the news—through the story of one individual.

Last time, we looked at the background behind why young people in China have started to feel that they 'no longer want to compete.'

This time, we look at something that is particularly heavy even within that competition.

A 'home'.

That is what it is.

In China, when considering marriage,

'I love you'

is sometimes not enough.

The question is often posed to men:

'Do you have a home?'

Moreover, to buy that home, it is not just the individual, but parents and even grandparents who sometimes contribute their savings.

Why has a single apartment come to carry so much weight?

Romance.

Marriage.

Family assets.

And a man's worth.

Why has it come to bear all of that?

⸻

'I want to get married. But I don't have a home.'

Chen Jie, a 30-year-old living in Hangzhou, has been dating his girlfriend of the same age for four years.

Both are company employees.

Their relationship is not bad.

In fact, they want to get married.

However, the atmosphere changes when the conversation becomes concrete.

'What about a home?'

his girlfriend's father asked.

Chen Jie replied,

'I haven't been able to buy one yet.'

The air in the room became a little heavy.

She herself says,

'Renting is fine.'

But her parents are different.

'If you're going to get married, you need a stable home.'

Chen Jie understands.

It is not out of malice.

They don't want to send their daughter into an unstable life.

That is their feeling.

But to him, those words also sounded like,

'You, who don't own a home, are insufficient as a marriage partner.'

⸻

Why has a 'home' become so important?

In China, for a long time, housing has held a meaning beyond just a place to live.

It is an existence that carries everything:

Assets.

Social status.

Marriage conditions.

Filial piety.

Future security.

Especially in an era of rapid urbanization and rising housing prices, the sense that 'owning a home equals success' has strengthened.

Furthermore, there was the expectation that real estate prices would continue to rise.

Buying a home was not just consumption; it was also asset formation.

That is why the parent generation says,

'You should buy a home as soon as possible.'

'Renting leaves you with no money.'

'If you're getting married, owning a home is safer.'

This value system has also entered the marriage market.

⸻

The 'proof' required of men

In China, while there are differences depending on the region and family, there are expectations of the male side at the time of marriage:

Housing.

A car.

A stable job.

A certain level of income.

These are not just things.

They are treated as metrics to measure whether a man can 'support a family.'

In other words, a home acts like a certificate of economic power.

What Chen Jie was asked by his girlfriend's father was not,

'What kind of home do you like?'

It was,

'Do you have one?'

The presence or absence of a home can be the first criterion for judging the feasibility of a marriage.

⸻

But young people cannot buy it on their own

The problem is the price.

Beijing.

Shanghai.

Shenzhen.

Hangzhou.

Guangzhou.

Housing prices in large cities are not at a level that young people can easily afford with their own income alone.

That is where parents come in.

Chen Jie's father works in a factory in the countryside.

His mother has worked in a small shop.

They have money they have saved for decades.

One night, his father said,

'We can pay a little for the down payment.'

Chen Jie was silent.

It is a grateful offer.

But at the same time, it is heavy.

His father's retirement funds.

His mother's medical bills.

Home repair costs.

This is money that was supposed to be used for those things.

Chen Jie thinks,

'Is it okay to sacrifice my parents' old age for my own marriage?'

⸻

Marriage becomes a transaction between 'two families,' not two people

This is a very characteristic part of marriage in China.

It is two people who are getting married.

However, the money that moves is not just theirs.

The man's parents provide housing funds.

The woman's parents provide furniture and appliances.

Depending on the region, there is a bride price (caili).

There are also wedding costs.

In other words, marriage is the goal of romance, but at the same time, it is an event that rearranges the assets of two families.

Who pays how much?

Whose name is on the housing deed?

Who bears the down payment?

Will they live with parents after marriage?

These kinds of discussions emerge as practical problems before marriage.

Love alone cannot solve them.

⸻

'Is renting not okay?'

From a Japanese perspective, one might think,

'Why not just live in a rental first?'

Of course, there are couples in China who live in rentals.

However, among the parent generation, there are those who have a strong anxiety about renting.

The rent might go up.

The contract might not be renewed.

It is unstable when a child is born.

And above all, there is a sense that 'a family without a home is not stable.'

Furthermore, the issue of school districts is also involved.

Considering the child's educational environment, where you live is a major issue.

A home is connected not only to marriage but also to the education of the next generation.

⸻

Why do the woman's parents also prioritize a home?

It is not that his girlfriend's father dislikes Chen Jie.

In fact, he thinks he is a serious young man.

Even so, he asks about a home.

The reason is that he wants to protect his daughter's future.

In China, even after marriage, the burden of housing and childcare costs is high.

If the man does not have a home, life after marriage will be unstable.

Furthermore, after childbirth, there is a possibility that the woman's career will stop.

That is why parents think,

'At the very least, I want them to have a stable home.'

That is not just an old value system.

From the woman's side, it is also a realistic judgment to reduce future risks.

⸻

However, a man with a home is not necessarily a 'good husband'

There is a major contradiction here.

He owns a home.

High income.

Stable occupation.

These are certainly reassuring factors.

But,

Does he do housework?

Does he not commit violence?

Does he respect his partner's work?

Does he raise children together?

Can he act fairly between his parents and his wife?

Those things are not written on the housing registry.

In the marriage market, things that are easy to measure are evaluated first.

Annual income.

Housing.

Educational background.

Family register (hukou).

However, the things that are truly important in married life cannot be turned into numbers.

Even so, because people are anxious, they rely on numbers.

⸻

Men blame themselves for 'not being able to buy a home'

Chen Jie attended a friend's wedding.

The groom had purchased an apartment.

It seems his parents provided the down payment.

Those around him said,

'It's reassuring to have a home after all.'

It was a comment without malice.

But it stung Chen Jie.

He still cannot buy one.

He is keeping her waiting.

It is difficult unless he also gets money from his parents.

Gradually, he begins to feel,

'Am I not enough as a man?'

A home is a property.

But in his heart, it has become his self-esteem itself.

⸻

Parental love becomes pressure

One day, there was a call from his father.

'About the down payment.'

Chen Jie replied,

'It's okay. Not yet.'

His father said,

'If you can get married, use it.'

Chen Jie is silent.

For his father, it is love.

Using the money saved for his child.

He thinks it is natural.

But for Chen Jie, that money is heavy.

'What about your old age?'

'We'll manage somehow.'

These words, too, are love.

But to the son, it feels like he is sacrificing his parents' lives to establish his own.

⸻

Real estate has become a 'faith' rather than a 'home'

During China's high-growth period, real estate was a very strong asset.

Housing prices rise.

If you buy, your assets increase.

You can leave it to your children.

Therefore, 'buying a home' was rational.

And for a long time, that successful experience accumulated.

Then, a home changes from something you buy because you need it, to something you should buy.

Furthermore, it changes to a value system that says,

'If you get married, you should own one.'

'If you are an adult, you should own one.'

'If you are a parent, you should provide one for your child.'

In other words, real estate has entered not only the economy but also family culture.

⸻

However, the real estate myth is beginning to shake

In recent years, China's real estate market has changed significantly.

Management problems at major real estate companies.

Unsold housing.

Properties that stopped construction midway.

Anxiety about price declines.

What was once thought to be 'if you buy a home, its value will rise' is not necessarily the case anymore.

Young people are starting to think,

'Should I really buy a home now?'

On the other hand, the parent generation still thinks,

'I'm anxious if there is no home.'

Here, too, the values between generations clash.

⸻

Does buying a home make life freer?

One night, Chen Jie calculated his mortgage.

30 years.

Monthly repayment amount.

Management fees.

Fixed costs.

Repair costs.

Looking at that, another anxiety emerged.

If he buys a home, he might be able to get married.

But now, he won't be able to quit his company.

It will also be harder to change jobs.

If his income drops, repayment will become difficult.

In other words, owning a home is stability.

At the same time, it is also about not being able to escape.

It is also connected to the reason why the 'lying flat' (tangping) youth we saw in the 34th installment do not buy homes.

Do you own a home?

Do you have freedom?

Those two things sometimes do not point in the same direction.

⸻

For women, too, a home affects freedom

The issue of a home is not just for men.

There are other problems on the woman's side.

Whose name is on the housing deed?

Who paid the down payment?

Who pays the loan?

Do the couple pay it back after marriage?

What happens if they divorce?

If the man's parents bought the house and it is only in the man's name, even if the woman lives there, she may be in a weak position as an asset holder.

That is why the woman's parents also start to think not only about 'is there a home,' but also 'does that home truly protect my daughter's life?'

⸻

The moment romance becomes an 'asset audit'

Chen Jie and his girlfriend were talking at a cafe.

She said,

'I'm fine even if we don't have a home.'

Chen Jie replied,

'But your parents don't think so.'

She was silent for a moment.

'My parents are just worried too.'

He knows.

But Chen Jie is in pain.

Does he love her?

Does he want to live together?

Originally, that is what he should be thinking about.

However, in reality, housing, loans, parents' assets, names, and income all enter into romance.

Romance is becoming like the biggest asset audit in life.

⸻

Is 'getting married because we have a home' happiness?

He was able to prepare a home.

They got married.

That does not necessarily mean they will be happy.

Conversely, there are couples who are happy even without a home.

But in society, easy-to-understand criteria are preferred.

Having a home.

Having a job.

Having an income.

That looks more like a 'reassuring partner.'

People cannot predict the future.

Therefore, they seek security in assets that look certain rather than in uncertain love.

That is one of the big reasons why a home became a condition for marriage.

⸻

But in truth, they are not seeking a home

What his girlfriend's father wants is not the apartment itself.

What he really wants is his daughter's peace of mind.

Chen Jie's father also does not want to make him buy a home.

What he really wants is for his son to get married and be stable.

The young people themselves also do not want a luxurious home.

What they want is the feeling that their future will not be broken.

In other words, no one actually wants a home.

They are loading everything onto the home: peace of mind, stability, love, social approval, and old-age security.

⸻

Why has owning a home become a condition for marriage in China?

The reason is not just one.

Real estate was an asset.

Housing prices continued to rise.

Economic power was expected of men.

Parents are deeply involved in their children's marriage.

The woman's side seeks future stability.

Housing is also linked to education and family registration.

And above all, families and housing have supplemented the security that social security alone could not provide.

That is why a home is no longer just a building.

⸻

'I can't get married because I don't have a home'

This phrase is a bit strange.

What is needed to get married is, originally, the will of the two people.

But in reality, whether there is a home, how much parents can pay, and whether they can pay the loan—these things determine the feasibility of marriage.

Here lies a major contradiction in Chinese society.

With economic growth, the number of people who can buy a home has increased.

However, at the same time, because owning a home has become 'normal,' those who do not have one are at a disadvantage.

A society that has become wealthy has created new standards, and those standards are again causing people suffering.

⸻

Father's passbook

A few weeks later.

Chen Jie returned to his parents' home.

His father took out an old passbook.

'Use this.'

Looking at the numbers, Chen Jie understood immediately.

It is money his parents saved for decades.

They didn't go on trips.

They didn't buy expensive clothes.

They kept riding an old car.

Money left for their son.

Chen Jie closed the passbook.

'Still, it's okay.'

His father says,

'What are you holding back for?'

Chen Jie replied,

'Because it's your money.'

His father laughed.

'I saved it for you.'

Chen Jie could not say anything.

If he uses this money, he might be able to buy a home.

He might also be able to get married.

But this passbook contains his parents' lives themselves.

⸻

How many people's lives are packed into one apartment?

In apartment advertisements, only the size, distance from the station, facilities, and price are written.

But in the down payment for that one room, there are his father's overtime, his mother's savings, his grandparents' assistance, his son's future, his girlfriend's anxiety, and parents worrying about their daughter.

Various lives are packed inside.

A home is not just real estate.

It has become something that solidifies a family's hopes and fears in concrete.

⸻

What we should really ask is not 'why buy a home'

Buying a home itself is not bad.

Owning a home provides peace of mind.

It also becomes an asset.

It also becomes a base for the family.

The problem is when buying a home is linked to evaluations such as:

People who can get married.

People who cannot.

Valuable men.

Valueless men.

Happy families.

Unstable families.

What we should really ask is not 'why do Chinese people want to buy homes.'

It is why we must make a single home carry so much peace of mind.

⸻

Next time preview: 36th installment

Will China really invade Taiwan?

Taiwan, Japan, South China Sea—'sub-war' strategies to change the status quo without starting a war

Military exercises.

Coast guard ships.

Pressure around Taiwan.

Activities around the Senkaku Islands.

Confrontation with the Philippines in the South China Sea.

Looking at them one by one, they look like separate news stories.

However, if you connect them with a single line, a completely different picture emerges of what China is aiming for.

Next time, from the perspective of 'why does China continue to increase pressure while avoiding all-out war,' we will delve deeply into China's security strategy connecting Taiwan, Japan, and the Philippines.