A Year of Peaks and Valleys 2023 | A Look Back

Good evening.
I have safely reached the end of my work for the year, having rushed through a busy December.

2023 began with a manic episode...

Mania is active and stimulating, but it is a frightening illness that exhausts both mind and body, and if you fail to control it, you can lose not only money but also your social standing, including your job, family, and friends.
In my case, once I become manic, it takes several months to settle down, so as I have written in previous articles, I took a leave of absence from March to mid-June of this year.

Even during my leave, the early morning awakenings continued, but I participated in hospital occupational therapy and tea parties.
The hospital was an environment where I could get feedback on my symptoms by interacting with fellow patients with Bipolar I Disorder.

In May, I moved out of my parents' house and into a group home (single-occupancy satellite type) to start living on my own. Perhaps because the "independence" issue that had been bothering me was resolved along with the move, the early morning awakenings suddenly stopped, and I entered a period of hypersomnia.

In mid-June, I returned to work, and I was allowed to slowly return to my original pace, starting with rehabilitation shifts and moving to regular shifts.
Although my workload was light at first, it gradually returned to me, and now all the tasks I had before my leave have returned to my desk.

In July and August, the clearing out and demolition of my parents' house began.
Because my environment changed all at once—moving into a group home, returning to work, and the demolition of my parents' house—I, who am poor at adapting to environmental changes, became somewhat depressed, and there was a period where I often took a day off work once a week, which led to a bad habit of taking time off.

From around November to December, I shifted to being "goal-oriented" and created a detailed 10-year plan for my future goals.
By starting to consider obtaining qualifications and entering vocational school or graduate school for that purpose, I was able to clarify "what I want to become," "how I want to live," and "what kind of work style I want," which gave me hope and helped me break the habit of taking time off work, leading to stability in my employment.

I am aware that I am currently more manic than depressed, and although my doctor's visit was scheduled for after the New Year, I had it moved to the end of the year because the year-end and New Year holidays are a time when routines are easily disrupted and social interactions with family and friends increase, which can worsen my condition if I become overactive.
I don't lament or feel down about becoming manic; I think it is a huge achievement that I am able to "self-analyze" and manage it myself.

As the title says, "it was a year with both peaks and valleys," but I think it was a year of self-growth because I became able to update my daily life while reflecting on myself like this.

In 2024, first of all, I want to cherish my motto, "Carpe diem (Let's live for today)", and while feeling grateful for the life and work I have now, I want to steadily move toward my goals without abandoning them.

P.S. My younger colleagues, who are like brothers to me, were scheduled to return from out of the prefecture, but they were not going to be able to make it due to their child's fever. However, it turns out they can come back after all, so although my time will mainly be spent alone or with family, I am happy that I will be able to spend time with them.

I am not married and have no children, but I have realized that my 30s are a time for the lives and time of the people I love.
I have reached the age where the lyrics to my favorite song, "Our Tomorrow" by Elephant Kashimashi, really hit home.
I want a loving family too. To that end, I must first get my current life in order.