The Sailor's Girlfriend: Why Single Mothers Are the Strongest

Introduction

Hello there, I'm a guy whose life is a dead end.
What kind of image do you have of single moms?
I've always thought it was amazing that they work and raise children on their own, but in my experience dating single moms, my male friends would say things like, 'I don't think I could ever love someone else's child,' and for some reason, women would also tell me, 'You shouldn't do that, should you?'

Since I've been told things like that, I'm going to write about my own opinion, which is the opposite: are single mothers actually the best? This is strictly from a sailor's perspective.

Why Single Mothers Are Strong

1. They don't really need you

It's powerful when you find someone who has been a single parent, handling work, housework, and childcare all on her own, and who feels like, 'I don't really need a boyfriend or a husband, do I?'
Sailors often can't go home for two or three months at a time, and during that period, many get cheated on or dumped because it's too hard for their partners to be without them for so long...
But these women have been managing everything on their own for years, so many of them didn't mind that at all. In fact,

I've even been told things that didn't exactly make me feel good, like, 'When you're gone, I'm just living the same life I had before I met you, so I'm not lonely.'

They're tough.

2. They praise you a lot

Sailors have long holidays. Since I have a solid month or two of vacation, I can really help out with housework and childcare during that time.
When I do, they praise me so much. Like, 'I'm so grateful.' I feel like they truly appreciate it because they've been doing everything by themselves for so long, which is the best.

3. Their parents are also kind

If her ex-husband was a total jerk who was abusive or a cheater, her parents' standards are already lowered, thinking, 'The new guy is normal, so this is fine,' so they are incredibly kind. It's a big help.

4. The kids are super cute

It might be difficult if the children are in middle or high school, but you can definitely get along with them if they're in elementary school. They might even grow fond of you.

Personally, I find that children who have been in a single-parent household since they were too young to remember their real father, and who don't have regular visitation, warm up to me very quickly. It's a big help.

I'm at an age where I've given up on having my own children, so just the fact that a child warms up to me regardless of blood ties makes them as cute as my own. It's the best.

Things I Keep in Mind When Dating a Single Mom

Well, I've made various mistakes while dating single moms. It's different from having a regular single girlfriend, so I'd like to write about what I've learned from my failures.

1. Prioritize the child in everything

It's normal to have a date canceled at the last minute because the child got a fever on the day you planned to meet. It might even happen every time you have a date. That's how suddenly children can get sick.

I'm a carefree single person myself, so I don't fully understand, but you shouldn't get frustrated in those moments. First, worry about the child. Why not buy them some jelly or Pocari Sweat? Tell them, 'If you need anything from the store, I'll pick it up! I'll just drop off the items and leave.'

That's the kind of attitude you should have.

Also, based on experience, stay away from women who prioritize their boyfriend over their children. They are usually trouble. In many cases, the reason for their divorce was a lie, and they are blaming their ex-husband for something that was actually their own fault. Learn to see through that.

② Think about whether everything will lead to the child's happiness

Even if you and your girlfriend are madly in love, if her child seems to dislike you or won't warm up to you, make an effort to be liked. If it still seems impossible, break it off cleanly.

Don't put a burden on the child. 'I'm happy with my girlfriend' isn't enough. If you can't envision a future where you, your girlfriend, and the child are all happy, break up before everyone gets hurt.

Also, if you decide to remarry, you should be the one to move, and you should be the one to change jobs. Do not change the child's living environment.
After all, you are just someone who suddenly appeared in the stable life of a parent and child.

③ Don't try to become a parent

This might be controversial, but if the child remembers their real father, it's impossible to just show up and say, 'Call me Dad from today on!'
Aim to be a frank, older friend who can talk and play from the child's perspective and whom they can consult about anything.

However, if you act like that, your girlfriend might get angry at you for spoiling the child too much, so make sure to provide support as well. Since the mom is the biological parent, she will inevitably yell or lose her temper sometimes. But since I'm not the biological parent, I don't know how far I'm allowed to scold them. Therefore, always follow up with the child after they've been scolded, and while using your own childhood experiences to make them laugh, help the child understand why it was inevitable that their mom got angry.

Finally

It's often harder to convince your own parents.
I can only say 'good luck' with that, and if you aren't prepared to cut ties with your own parents if necessary, don't get involved with a single mother in the first place.

Also, stay away from single mothers who aren't independent; they are truly trouble. This is strictly about independent, adult women.

A kid having a kid, fighting like kids, breaking up, and being supported by their parents—people like that are out of the question.

The end