Expressing myself is a little scary. But, I really want to do it.
Hello.
I'm Mari Nakazawa, a freelance hairstylist.
I recently created a new
separate Instagram account.
It's a place to
“properly deliver”
my hair, makeup, and photography work.
Even though I've wanted to do this for a long time, when it came time to actually do it, I was incredibly scared.
To people around me, it might seem like no big deal at all,
and there's nothing special about it,
but expressing yourself takes more energy than you'd imagine.
Maybe it's because “showing” somethingfeels like exposing the version of yourselfthat you've kept secret.
I want to be honest with my feelings.
Even so, the reason I decided to take a leap of faith and step forward now is
because I finally didn't want to just set aside my feeling of “I really love this” anymore.
When I open social media,
there are so many “more amazing people,”
and before I know it, I immediately
start thinking, “I'm not good enough” or “Who am I to do this?”
And there were many times when those words felt like a habit.
Comparing myself to “some unknown person, some invisible person,”
I would underestimate myself
and never give myself permission, thinking, “I'm not perfect yet, so I can't put it out there.”
Even though no one was stopping me.
The result of “trying to set myself free”
Every year when the new year begins, I decide on a “theme for the year,”
but for this year's theme, I chose the words of a hair and makeup artist I admire:
“Set yourself free.”
Ever since I decided on that, the desire to express myself started to grow little by little.
I worried and struggled over how to express myself,
and the answer I came up with was “to create a separate account.”
When I started small,
it was much more fun than I expected!
Above all, I was happy that I had “finally made a move.”
Words a mentor once said to me
still support me in my heart today.
“There is no ‘good’ or ‘bad’ in the world, there is only what you choose. You just choose from the perspective of what suits you right now.”
With those words, my heart felt lighter, and the desire to “try it” outweighed the fear.
And, after running the account, I realized something.
What I really want to express is
“that person's individuality.”
It might sound a bit cliché,
but rather than superficial changes,
I want to be close to the feelings at the “center” of the person in front of me, and deliver their unspoken thoughts and warmth through hair and makeup.
Not just the appearance,
the visible impression,
but the atmosphere they carry,
and the space around them.
That kind of “individuality” is what I want to express in my work.
By actually doing it, I was finally able to realize that.
I'm the type of person who goes in the wrong direction if I focus too much on numbers. Probably... haha
Of course, numbers are important.
I'll keep them in the back of my mind.
But more than that, I want to express myself.
To live is to express. To express is to live.
I think that's why I've been able to continue being a hairstylist for 25 years.
Because I can feel my customers' expressions up close.
The smiles of joy as always, the way someone who sat down with a slightly anxious face
relaxes their expression and leaves with a lighter step.
Days when something sad happened and I cut their hair while crying with the customer,
and days when we worried together and I styled their hair to encourage a new step forward.
I think
I have always been touching those unspoken thoughts and expressions.
So from now on,
I hope I can share what I “love” more freely and more like myself,
so that my customers can bring out more of “their own individuality.”
My new Instagram account is here
I would be even happier if you followed me!