What is the life I want to return to? Inside the mind of a working mom on leave

Hello, I'm Maruri.
As the title suggests, I am currently on leave.

The reason for my leave is a fracture.


At the beginning of my leave,
Even though my bones are broken, my spirit is not.

I thought,
and I was fully prepared to return as soon as I recovered.
However, now that a month and a half has passed since my leave began,

"Will I be able to manage my life like before?"
"To begin with, I can no longer imagine myself back at work."
and so on, my mind is constantly in a state of one-person meetings.


This time, to help organize my thoughts, I will write about
my state of mind while on leave.

The reason for the fracture was "falling down the stairs."

The fracture site is
the "sacrum,"a part I'm not very familiar with.

Simply put, it's the bone in the center of the pelvis.
I couldn't maintain a sitting position or lie on my back,
so at first, I had to find ways to manage.

I searched the internet extensively to see if anyone else had a similar experience.
However,

as a friend who works in rehabilitation told me,
it is basically an injury site that is prone to occur in the elderly due to falls or traffic accidents.
I couldn't find any personal accounts from the working, child-rearing generation that I was looking for.

My life of recovery and child-rearing began by trial and error.

Even if the bone heals, I can't go back immediately

And now.

Talk of rehabilitation has finally begun, and I can see signs of recovery.


However, as I mentioned at the beginning, the endless one-person meetings have started.


Since I can't return immediately, I decided to work on what I can do now,


reviewing my household finances, meeting with a financial planner, studying for certifications,
and so on, but

"Can I return to work?"

This anxiety did not disappear.


First, I decided to
thoroughly facethis anxiety.

Things I realized by facing my anxiety

Among other things,ChatGPTthrough my interactions with
there was something that struck me.

Does the "life I had before"
have to be returned to?

Or,
do I wish to return to it?

Why not think about a way of working that suits the future me?

Compared to before the fracture, my physical strength has dropped significantly, and the anxiety comes from not being able to imagine myself handling

days chased by time like before.




My honest feelingsare"I want to live a life without strain."

I need to consult about a way of working that suits "the current me,"

and if it doesn't go well, maybe there is an option to leave.
Through ChatGPT's questions,
I was able to think that way for the first time.

Thank you, ChatGPT.

An unorganized summary

Writing on note
is also leading to organizing my thoughts.

Being able to directly encounter the thoughts and
feelings of many people is also nourishment and joy for my heart.

While thinking I wish I had known about note sooner,
I am grateful that I found it.


Thank you for staying with me until the end.