[Self-Introduction] Zero self-esteem. The story of how I quit my job after being needed by no one.

Nice to meet you! My name is Mari Tsukino.

First of all,
let me introduce myself briefly.

・Ever since I started elementary school, I was always
left out (bullied?),
and my self-esteem hit rock bottom.

・I wasn't exactly unintelligent.
Because of that arrogance, I didn't study much,
so my grades were always just above average. Totally ordinary.

・Influenced by TV dramas,
I longed to be a "career woman," but
I graduated high school without even knowing
how to become one.
(My highest level of education is high school graduate.)

・I found a dream career and went to vocational school, but
I couldn't keep up with the studies and my scholarship application was rejected,
so I dropped out after 3 months.

・I got my first job at 19.
I didn't achieve my dream of being a "career woman,"
and suffering from the gap between my ideals and reality, I jumped from job to job.

・I decided to just accept that working is for the money!
I went all in and started working as a temp employee
at a large company with a good hourly wage.

・Two years later, by pure coincidence,
I was hired as a full-time employee from a temp position
(along with one other person), a first for the company.

・A full-time employee at a major company! Yay!
I'll get bonuses, maternity and childcare leave,
and my future is secure! I thought,
but that was short-lived. The office was slated for closure,
and I was forced to choose between transferring or quitting.

・Maybe I should try an adventure in life.
With that simple judgment, I requested a transfer.

・An unfamiliar land, living alone for the first time,
and a workload that couldn't be compared to my original office.

・Constant overwork made my mental state perpetually unstable.

・Around this time, I began to deeply wonder, "What is the point of living?"
As one solution, I decided to quit.
And I returned to my hometown.
(I wanted to be freed from the days of overwork and exhaustion.)

・I started a business without any prior preparation.
I began selling products, but due to the COVID-19 pandemic,
nothing sold at all.

・I started another business selling different products,
and while it started selling, it was just "rice work" (survival work),
so it wasn't fun. I couldn't bring myself to work hard at it.

・Because of my low self-esteem, I acquired a terrifying number of certifications
and collected business know-how, but
no matter what I obtained, my self-esteem
didn't rise even a millimeter.
I just increased my drawer of knowledge.

・With zero connections, zero inventory, and zero fixed costs,
I built an automated income system on the internet,
using the spare time from product sales ①, product sales ②, and my part-time job,
and I was able to keep taking action
until I reached the point where I could send out email newsletters!

That is my background.
(It's quite a lot)

Depending on the products you handle, product sales can be

fun, but

it goes without saying that you need to "stock up" on inventory,

which means you have to think about managing your cash flow,

and if it "sells," you have to ship the product, which means packing and shipping,

inevitably leading to a significant increase in working hours.

I quit my job to be free from overwork,
but I ended up
becoming a "one-person sweatshop."

I wanted freedom from overwork,
and freedom from being a one-person sweatshop so badly! So badly!!

So, I specialized in "earning automatically,"

invested hundreds of thousands of yen in myself to learn,

and practiced it honestly and thoroughly.

There is no need to think,
"That's a different world from mine."

Was I, Tsukino, able to do it
because I was smart to begin with?
If you ask that,

as I mentioned earlier, I had average grades in class,
and I am just an "ordinary person" with a high school diploma as my highest level of education.

Then, get married and have children.

That is the standard in this world,

and following that
is what I thought a "normal" life was.

But, around the time I reached marriageable age,
I was working so hard that romance and marriage were out of the question
(I'm the type who can only focus on one thing at a time)

Single in the past and still single now
(Actually, this is a huge complex of mine)

I am just an ordinary person like that.

Because I'm not cute.

Because I'm not pretty.

Because I have a bad personality.

I kept denying myself,

and while I didn't want to die,

there were times when I

strongly, so strongly wished to "just disappear."

But being single with no children,

I couldn't change this on my own,
as it's something that can only be done with a partner.

Is it just that I "want to be normal"?

Do I really need a partner?

I asked myself these questions, and the answer I came to was...

I am single right now!

24 hours a day, 365 days a year, everything is mine!!

I want to live life the way I like.

That is what I have been thinking lately ^^

I don't know what the future holds, so
if I find a good partner, I might get married...

maybe. Haha.

Back when I was a company employee,
I had a past of working nearly 150 hours of overtime due to a grueling schedule,


and now I am
working 7 days a week, so I want to live a life

with more free time.

I started a product sales business,
and because I had headaches
over managing funds for inventory and such,


I want to live a life with more financial

freedom.

Both when I was a company employee and after I started my own business,

I want to show my gratitude to my mother,
who supported me without saying a word.

And,
I want to make my two cats,
whom I raise and cherish like my own children, happy.

Those values of mine
will never waver in the future.

That is why I will obtain
both "time" and "money."
I felt an instant connection to this business.

How did I end up
getting this far?

Why did I want to gain both time and money?
Let me tell you a little more about that.

▽▼▽

I lost my self-esteem when I was six years old.

"We don't play with kids who aren't from N Kindergarten."

That was the comment thrown at me
when I was a bright-eyed first grader.

????

What does that mean?
I came from M Nursery School, is that not allowed???

I didn't understand.

My family, which was a little poorer than average (?), had
both parents working since I was young, and
before starting school, instead of kindergarten,
I was left at a nursery school near my mother's workplace.

My classmates from nursery school
would all be entering
different elementary schools,
so I had to say goodbye to all my close friends.

Bye-bye.

In my young heart, the anxiety of not having friends

wasn't really there, and

I was excited

about the new world

of carrying a school bag

and going to elementary school.

That line I was told

right after starting elementary school.

Yes,
if you weren't from the same kindergarten,
we won't let you join us.


That kind of bullying
(though it wasn't anything as grand as that)

By summer vacation,

I was able to be included in the group,

but then 5 or 6 second-grade boys

"Hey, you're Hanako Yoshida, right? (pseudonym)"

started teasing me with the name of a girl I didn't know.

I'm not Hanako Yoshida.

Huh???? What????

They were bigger than me just because they were in second grade,
and at first, I was just terrified.

Since our classrooms were on the same floor,
if I saw those kids coming down the hallway,
I would turn on my heel and run away.

Of course,
it wasn't like I was being physically violent,
but until I transferred schools in the fourth grade,


they kept saying it to me over and over again.

"You're Hanako Yoshida, aren't you?"

What I found out later was that
I apparently looked a lot like a girl named Hanako Yoshida

who had transferred away.

That was it.
(It was definitely not a case of them teasing someone they liked. Haha.)

Full of hope,

a new life,

new friends,

what is schoolwork like?

That was me as a first grader, feeling excited.

As the older of two sisters,

I was often told by the adults around me,

"You're so reliable, you're such a good girl,"

and I was praised a lot,

but this was enough of an event

to make that small sense of self-esteem disappear.

This was the beginning of my life of being bullied.

Even now, past the age of 40,
it is an event that remains so vivid in my memory

that it still comes up as an episode.

I transferred schools when I was entering the fourth grade of elementary school, and my student days were spent with my environment changing every three years through middle school and high school,

so wherever I went,

I spent my time with constant minor bullying,

so I don't have many memories of it.

It wasn't so-called "bullying" like being ignored by the entire class or being subjected to violence,

but rather small acts of malice that fell just short of bullying.

Being ignored by a few people,
and harsh insults were the default.

When I was in middle school,
even when I greeted my seniors
just like my classmates did,
I was targeted for harassment,

being told, "You've got a bit of an attitude, don't you?"

When the teacher said in class,

"Please pair up,"

I was always the one

left over.

There were always kids who were nice to me, but

even so,

I spent my days facing

unexplained hostility.

I was needed by no one.

Even though I am here,

I am here.

Trapped in a small bottle,

my voice wouldn't reach anyone even if I cried out.

A little girl

lived in my heart

all that time.

From low self-esteem to a know-how collector

The thing that acknowledged me, someone with absolutely no self-esteem, was "qualifications."

It was "qualifications."

Study, take the exam,

If you meet the requirements, you can pass.

Passing an exam felt like the world, like society itself, was saying, "I acknowledge you."

It made me so happy to feel acknowledged

by the world, by everyone.

From here on, I headed straight

down the path of a know-how collector.

Including those I obtained when I was a student,

the qualifications I hold are...

・Information Processing Proficiency Test Grade 3

・Word Processing Proficiency Test Grade 2

・Calculator Proficiency Test Grade 3

・Abacus Proficiency Test Grade 6 (I was bad at the abacus)

・Eiken English Proficiency Test Grade 3

・Bookkeeping Proficiency Test Grade 1

・Penmanship Proficiency Test Grade 3

・Regular Driver's License (Manual transmission allowed)

・Secretary Proficiency Test Grade 2

・Nailist Proficiency Test Grade 2

・Aroma Proficiency Test Grade 2

・Makeup Basic Diploma

・Gel Nail Diploma

・Face Type Diagnosis Grade 1

・Personal Color Diagnosis Diploma

・Personality Psychology Advisor Diploma

・Animal Communicator Course

・Cat Proficiency Test Intermediate

・Correspondence Course: Penmanship

・Correspondence Course: Financial Planner

And so on.

Anyway, if I just gained more knowledge!

If I could just get this qualification!

Then,
I felt like I could have confidence in myself,

really, truly.

I have taken on many different challenges.

Because of my past where I was bullied and teased about my appearance,

I lacked confidence in my looks as well,

so I studied makeup, nail art,

and personal color analysis.

To someone without qualifications,

I might look like an 'amazing person'.

But I only studied them,

there are things I didn't get certified in,

and with only level 2 or level 3 certifications,

I haven't mastered any of these paths
(which is just like me).

No matter how many certifications I earned,

no matter how much my knowledge increased,

my self-esteem never went up.

In product sales, I couldn't get both 'time' and 'money' at the same time.

It might be advantageous for changing jobs.

It might be useful in the future.

Thinking that,

there are things I learned during my time as a busy office worker,

and qualifications I obtained.

The routine of every day was painful,

so I decided to quit the company.

Usually,

I think people make a big decision,

but in my case,

just like when I decided to transfer,

I didn't hesitate much,


and thought, 'Why not give it a try?'


I made the decision lightly.

However, when I decided to start a business,

I didn't learn anything about entrepreneurship.

Why is that??

I didn't think that

how to start a business was something to be learned,

and I was good at calculating money (graduated from a commercial high school).

I didn't learn anything, but

well,
I had a feeling I would somehow win (succeed),

so without even doing proper preparation,

I started a business in product sales.

I started a business in product sales.

Honestly,

I want to punch my past self. lol
I want to ask, 'Are you sane?' lol

With no knowledge,

and not knowing how to gain knowledge,

there was no way it would go well.

It was right during the COVID-19 pandemic.

With self-restraint after self-restraint,
days that felt like being in a dark, heavy void,
not knowing when it would end.

Even if there were people buying daily necessities,
everything else was treated like a luxury item,

with an atmosphere of 'We don't need this right now, do we?'

Even after trying various measures,
sales didn't grow, and the days were painful.

While continuing the product sales,

results were hard to come by,

and my funds dwindled.

At another store I launched,

it sold reasonably well, but

once it sold, I became busy.

I want to live a life with more free time.

I want to be able to earn enough money to live a normal life
on my own.

This is

a dream that I despaired would never come true at the same time,

and I wondered if I should just quit product sales entirely

and go back to working a regular job...

While such thoughts

were crossing my mind, I came across

this advertisement.

''A way of working that lets you have both time and money''

...Ah, I've seen this a few times before.

Yes,
an ad I've seen many times in the past.


Back then, I didn't pay it any mind,

and I wasn't interested.

But this time, something about it caught my attention.

Hmm, maybe I'll take a look.

With that lighthearted feeling,

as I watched their content,

"Ah, I can trust this person.

Their story makes sense,

and it doesn't seem like a lie.

So,

the idea that you can have both time and money

must be true."

I want to learn from this person.
I want to have both time and money,
just like them.

But what if I just finish the course,

spend a lot of time and money,

and end up like the many certifications

I've earned but never put to use?

I might just end up with more knowledge in my drawer.

It's scary.

However,

I don't feel like there's a bright future

ahead of my current life...

After worrying and worrying, getting lost and getting lost, with trembling hands, I took a leap of faith!!

and invested several hundred thousand yen

in that person.

Since I invested, I'm going to get results no matter what!

This time for sure,

I will make it a different result

from the qualifications I've earned so far!


As a complete beginner starting from zero,

I followed that person's teachings,

learned honestly, and acted honestly.

It wasn't something where I could just earn money easily in a month or so after starting,

at first I learned a lot,

and I took action while learning.

I'm single with no children, but

since I work seven days a week,

it seems like I have time, but I don't.

Since nothing will start if I just say I don't have time,
I've been doing audio learning in bits and pieces
while getting ready or driving,

working steadily,
and building a system.

Until I got used to managing my time,

it took a lot of effort at first.
(After all, I'm a quitter by nature)

But,

"Since I've finished the work early,

it will be easier later on,"

I believe my mentor is right, so I am steadily building assets that will make my future self's life easier.

I've always done everything in short bursts,

and I've acted without being able to think about things

in the long term.

Of course, I trust my mentor, but will I really get results?

Will I really be able to gain both time and money?

I want to go to that timeline!

I want to see it!

That feeling, close to curiosity, is what keeps me going.

And

"I definitely want you to get results.
I won't let you become a know-how collector."

I am supported by those words from my mentor.

What I am practicing is called a content business.

Once I write something or

do some work, even if I don't work directly,

the things I wrote in the past

work for me as my 'alter ego'.

Something you can't buy even for 100 million yen

Money is important.

You need money to buy anything, and

money is the most important thing.

If only I had money.

I have always thought so.

If I hadn't come from a somewhat poor family,
if my parents hadn't both worked,
if I had gone to kindergarten instead of nursery school,

my life might have started
without being bullied,
and might have been completely different.

If I had something I wanted to do,
when I told my parents I wanted to go to a private high school,
it might not have been opposed
because of money.

Not wanting to repeat the same mistake as high school,
I might not have ended up dropping out

of the vocational school I attended against their wishes
after just three months
(I had no parental support, and since my scholarship application was rejected, I withdrew voluntarily)

If I had money

If I had money

If I had money

If I could earn money

I thought that would be enough.

But you know,

There are things more important than what money can buy.

That is 'time'.

Whether you are super rich or poor,

Whether you are a powerful person everyone bows to or a child,

Everyone is equally given only 24 hours a day.

'You might get paid an hourly wage,

like 1,000 yen for one hour of work,

but even if you pay 100 million yen,

you cannot get back even a single second.'

When I heard this, it was a real shock.

It is obvious that time doesn't go back. But,

I realized, 'It was such a precious thing!'

From then on, until the day my life ends,

which will come someday,

continuing to move forward without stopping

I strongly felt that

I didn't want to work in a way that uses my precious time

to earn money.

I insisted on a way of working where I could obtain

both money and time.


I was particular about that.

Money is important, but

it is merely a means to become happy.

I want money! Sales! Sales!! Money! Money!!

Competing with other creators to be number one in sales!!

It's not about things like that,

but about getting both time and money,


and being freed from worries that can be solved with money,

using money to live a rich life.

I want to do many, many filial things for my mother, whom I caused so much worry.

I want to make my cats, who are as cute as children, happy.

If I could become that kind of person,

I would surely be able to like myself.

If,

you

can empathize with this way of thinking,

so that you too can

realistically create such a future,



just as my mentor did for me,

I will also support you with all my might.

Thank you for reading

this long post

to the very end.

And thank you for finding me
among the countless blogs out there.

Just as my life changed

when I met my mentor,

I hope this serves as

a positive turning point for your life.

Mari Tsukino

PS

You want to start a business.

But you can't take the first step... For those of you feeling that way,

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