I Should Have Stayed in That Dilapidated Apartment Forever 23
Synopsis
The new white house I was so proud of is turning into a trash heap. My father became an alcoholic, my mother ran away, and I was left all alone. ---A woman looks back on her past.
The class assignments for the new school year were posted in the entrance hall at 8:00 AM. Several classmates had already gathered before 8:00, but I didn't talk to anyone. After all, no one talked to me.
My class was 3-2. As I scanned the names of my classmates, I found Aoi-chan's name. At that moment, I felt as if my field of vision had brightened up even more. I'm lucky, I'm not alone anymore. That's what I thought. I wanted to share that joy with Aoi-chan, but it seemed she hadn't arrived at school yet. I felt disappointed and waited for her in the entrance for about five minutes. But before Aoi-chan could arrive, I couldn't stand the entrance hall, which was starting to get noisy. As I began to hear the high-pitched voices of others sharing the joy of being in the same class, I felt so uncomfortable that I headed to the classroom for 3-2.
It seemed I was the first one to arrive in the classroom. Just around that time, the commotion in the entrance hall grew even louder, but the classroom remained deathly silent. Between the silence of the classroom and the noise echoing from the entrance hall, I felt my sense of loneliness and anxiety intensifying. I told myself, "It's okay, it's okay." Then, I looked at the paper posted on the blackboard to confirm my seat and sat down with a hollow clatter.
When I heard multiple footsteps pattering toward the classroom, I racked my brain thinking about how I should interact with my new classmates. I had completely forgotten how to talk to new classmates. So, I tried to remember how I had talked to them before. But I couldn't remember at all. No, perhaps I had never initiated a conversation with classmates to begin with. I had always been Aoi-chan's—no, just a tagalong. So, at this timing, having just returned from truancy, I couldn't possibly bring myself to greet my new classmates with a "Nice to meet you." I concluded that I had no choice but to wait for someone to talk to me.
And then, I shifted my thinking to come up with a way to hide my pathetic self until someone talked to me. As a result, I decided to bury my face on my desk and pretend to be asleep. By the time my classmates started entering the classroom, I had managed to put that into action perfectly.
"Someone's already here, so early. I thought I was the first one."
"Who is it? I can't see their face. Are they sleeping? Morning."
This "Morning" might have been directed at me, but since I was set on pretending to be asleep, I couldn't answer. I felt intense regret for having decided to pretend to be asleep just moments before. In the first place, since the class assignments were only posted at 8:00, there was no way I could have fallen asleep in just a few minutes. My new classmates must have realized that too. In that moment, I became the person who ignored a "Morning." The fact that I came up with such a short-sighted, cowardly, and stupid plan is a symbolic event of my self-loathing personality.
Even as the classroom gradually became noisy, my sense of loneliness and anxiety did not weaken. On the contrary, it only grew stronger. When I entered the classroom alone, I thought the silence had amplified my loneliness and anxiety, but that was completely wrong. In the midst of the commotion, the loneliness and anxiety only increased further.
When the bell rang at 8:30, the classmates started sitting in their respective seats. At this point, I thought, this is strange. Aoi-chan, who should be in the same class, hasn't talked to me. Hasn't Aoi-chan come yet? Is she late? Thinking that, I lifted my head.
My seat was in the second row from the corridor, the second seat from the front. After scanning 180 degrees in front of me, I scanned 90 degrees to my left rear. Aoi-chan's last name is Hashimoto. Since we were seated in order of attendance numbers, Aoi-chan should have been sitting to my left, that is, on the window side.
When I looked around to find her, Aoi-chan was there. She was sitting in the second row from the window, the second seat from the back, chatting with the girl in the seat in front of her. At that moment, I felt a powerful sense of despair at being betrayed by someone.
Why didn't Aoi-chan talk to me after entering the class? She already looks like she's getting along with the girl in front of her. Does Aoi-chan not intend to be friends with me in this class? Does the fact that she didn't talk to me mean that's how it is?
There was an event that added insult to that intense feeling of despair. The announcement of the homeroom teacher. At 8:40, the teacher who would be our homeroom teacher for the year would enter each classroom. What added insult to injury for me was Saka-tea.
To be continued
Happy New Year! 🤗🎍
To everyone who always reads my work, thank you so much!
Updates have been slow right from the start of the new year, but I look forward to your continued support this year as well. 🙇♀️
↓ I've compiled episodes ① through ⑩ here. 😊 There's also a magazine!!
↓ A short story I wrote recently. ☺️
↓There are also a few short stories☺️