I Was Fine in a Dilapidated Apartment My Whole Life 22

As I slipped my arms into my ironed uniform, I heard the sound of an alarm clock coming from my father's room. I steeled myself, left my room, and stood in front of his door. I took one deep breath and opened it.

"I'm going to school today."

I said this to my father, who was in his underwear and pants, in the middle of changing. Perhaps because I hadn't knocked, he turned only his face toward me while still half-crouched, looking surprised. I closed the door without giving him time to reply. I immediately returned to my room and organized my school bag. My heart was pounding from the lingering effect of having spoken my resolve aloud. Thanks to that, I found the report card I had locked away in my bag at the start of spring break, but my distress over it remained minimal.

The resolve that had felt uncertain with just my preparations now carried a heavy weight once put into words, supporting my light frame. It seemed I wouldn't have to tell the joke about being blown away by the wind and unable to go to school anymore.

Once I finished preparing for school, I ate the cream bun I had bought yesterday in my room. I was already tired of this carbohydrate-only diet. If I went to school, I could eat a school lunch. That, too, became a weight in the name of hope that supported me.

The half-price cream bun did not betray my expectations; it contained only a tiny amount of filling. Thinking that this wouldn't give me any energy and that it was a shame, I had eaten about half of it when I heard a knock at my door. I didn't answer, but there was a clicking sound, and my father's face appeared through the gap.

"Dad's heading to work now, so be careful on your way to school."

My father didn't close the door immediately like I had; he seemed to be waiting for my reply. Even after I reluctantly gave a short "Yeah," he didn't close the door for a while. It seemed he still had something he wanted to say. The door that wouldn't quite close was saying as much.

The moment I thought the door had finally closed, I heard him say, "I'm off."

I didn't say, "Have a good day." But my father's words, "I'm off," echoed within me, and naturally, they came out of my own mouth as well.

"I'm off."

It was a thin, small voice that likely reached no one. After savoring those words for a brief moment, I bit into the remaining half of the cream bun. The second half of the cream bun had more cream than I expected, which made me a little happy. So, it wasn't that there wasn't much cream; it was just that the side I started eating from didn't have much, but the latter part was packed with it. Cream squirted out from the corner of my mouth as I bit into it. I scooped up the cream on the corner of my mouth with my finger and licked it, feeling somewhat embarrassed.

When I put the cream bun wrapper into the trash bag, I heard the sound of the front door closing. Once I confirmed that my father had gone to work again today, my body naturally headed toward the entrance. As I waded through the trash to reach the filthy entryway, I was once again met with my school sneakers, which were placed neatly together today as well. I thought it was the same as yesterday. That's right, I should just leave the same way as yesterday. When I put on the shoes that were placed together, another weight was added inside me, supporting me even more firmly.

The step to leave the entrance was a heavy one, by no means easy. Even so, I knew that this step had to be taken for my own sake.

I opened the front door and took a step forward. Of course, nothing had changed from yesterday. My eyes were dazzled by the direct sunlight, I smelled the outside air, and I felt the clear atmosphere on my skin.

What was different from yesterday was that several weights inside me were supporting me firmly. I stepped firmly with each stride and headed to school while sweating just a little.

On the way, I suddenly found it strange that I hadn't felt my mother's presence this morning. Since she was the first to wake up, it was unnatural that I hadn't seen her. Yet, I hadn't even heard the sound of her leaving for work.

Is she still sleeping?

I thought that for a moment in my heart, but the freshness of the outside air and the warmth of the sunlight cleared away such troublesome, hazy thoughts.

And so, I was able to reach school without being blown away by the wind.

To be continued

↓ I've summarized episodes 1-10 here 😆

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