Living with Desire.

Is desire really such a bad thing?

"You're so greedy."

When I hear words like that, my heart aches just a little.

The word "desire" carries a somewhat negative image, doesn't it?

I want money.
I want to be recognized more.
I want to be more successful.

Is it wrong to have feelings like that?

But you know,
I was thinking about it recently.
What would happen if humans lost their "desire"?

Even if you were hungry, you wouldn't think to eat.
Even if you were sleepy, you wouldn't try to sleep.
Even if you were thirsty, you wouldn't try to drink water.

Is that really a happy state of being?
Surely not.

"I want to live."
Because we have that feeling, we eat.

"I want to do my best tomorrow, too."
Because we think that, we sleep.

In other words, while desire can be something that troubles us, it is also a necessary force for living.

That was when I encountered the words of a certain psychologist.

His name was Abraham Maslow.

He viewed human desire as something that grows.

But when I learned of that idea, another question arose within me.

Can we really become happy if we just keep fulfilling our desires?

Maslow did not deny desire.

"Desire is a bad thing."

Thinking that way, one day I encountered the ideas of a certain psychologist.
His name was Abraham Maslow.
I am sure many of you have heard of him at least once.

Maslow thought of human desires as being like a staircase.

First, there are the desires necessary for survival.
Eat when you are hungry.
Sleep when you are tired.
Drink water when you are thirsty.
Seek a place where you can sleep in peace.

These are the most essential desires, indispensable for living.

And when those desires are satisfied, people gradually begin to seek the next level of desire.

Wanting to connect with someone.
Wanting to be recognized.
Wanting to live true to oneself.
Wanting to fulfill one's dreams.

In that way, human desires grow little by little.

That is what Maslow thought.

When I read that idea, I thought, 'I see.'

Certainly, when people are full, they want to eat something delicious.
When they have a safe place to be, they then want to laugh with someone.
And beyond that, they begin to think about what they are living for.

Desire does not disappear; it changes its form into the next desire.
Thinking about it that way, perhaps people live with desire their entire lives.

But...

Here, another question was born within me.

If desires are born one after another, when can a person ever be happy?
Even if you satisfy one, the next desire appears.
I felt that if I kept repeating that, a day of 'satisfaction' would never come.

At that time, I encountered another answer in a world completely different from psychology.

It was a teaching that was born approximately 2,500 years ago.

Buddhism.

The teachings of Buddhism

'Abandon desire.'

When it comes to Buddhism, many people might think of those words.
So at first, I thought so too.

I am saying the opposite of Maslow.

However, when I looked into it a little, that didn't seem to be the case.

What Buddhism was concerned with was not "desire" itself.

I want more.
I want to be recognized more.
I want more money.
I want more...

Having your heart bound by that "more".
They called that "attachment" and considered it the cause of suffering.

Certainly, if you are hungry, you should eat.
If you are sleepy, you should sleep.
If you are thirsty, you should drink water.
There is nothing wrong with that.

But if you keep seeking more than that, your heart will never be satisfied.

That is why in Buddhism, there is the term "Shoyoku Chisoku" (having few desires and knowing contentment).

"Reduce your desires and know that you have enough."

This does not mean "you must not want anything," but rather,
"Why not also look at what you already have?"
It might be such a gentle teaching.

Maslow thought that people grow through desire.

Buddhism taught that suffering arises when you are swayed by desire.

At first glance, they look like opposites.

But recently, I have started to see a slightly different view.
Perhaps these two are not opposites, but were just looking at the same human being from different places.

When I was able to think that way, the word "desire" felt a little kinder.

Desire is not an enemy.

Those of you who have read this far might be thinking something like this.

"In the end, is it better to have desires?"
Or,
"Is it happier to discard desires?"

I was also looking for that answer.
But now, I think this.
Desire itself is not an enemy.

You get hungry.
You get sleepy.
You get thirsty.
You want to see someone.
You want to be recognized by someone.

That feeling is very natural.
If it didn't exist, people wouldn't even think about starting anything.

Perhaps no one would try new things anymore.
Or fall in love with someone.
Or chase their dreams.
Those things would surely disappear.

That is why desire is also a force that moves people forward.

However...

There is one thing you must be careful about.

That is whether you are the master of your desire.
Or whether you become a slave to your desire.
That is the difference.

Having desires is not bad.

But when you start being pushed around by your desires, suffering is born.

Maslow believed that people grow through their desires.

Buddhism taught that attachment to desire creates suffering.

I believe that those two are not contradictory.
Desire is necessary for growth.
But a heart that is not controlled by that desire is just as important.

Therefore, what is important is not to eliminate desire, but to become friends with it.

That is my own answer.

What is your desire?

Thank you for thinking about "desire" with me this far.

Maslow believed that people grow through their desires.

Buddhism taught that attachment to desire creates suffering.

At first glance, they seem like completely different ways of thinking.
But I believe that these two were looking at the same human being.

People have desires in order to live.
I want to eat.
I want to sleep.
I want to feel safe.
And little by little, we come to want to laugh with someone, to be recognized, and to make our dreams come true.

That feeling is very natural.
Therefore, there is no need to blame yourself for having desires.

However, when that desire becomes an endless cycle of "more, more," people begin to suffer.

Perhaps that is why Buddhism suggests, "Why not also turn your eyes toward the happiness you already have?"

And Maslow taught us that "it is because of that desire that people can grow."

Both were likely guideposts for people to live better lives.

So, how should we live?
I believe the answer is different for everyone.
Some may chase their dreams.
Some work hard to protect the people they love.
Some find happiness in quiet, everyday life.
None of these are wrong.

What is important is to know your own desires.

And I believe it is about walking alongside those desires, rather than being pushed around by them.

Finally, just one thing.

What kind of desire do you have right now?
Is that desire causing you suffering?
Or is it helping you move forward?

If, after closing this book today, you could think about that question just a little bit.

I would be more than happy with just that.

—

🌿 From Manami