The story of how I became a sumo writer because I was curious about unusual names

I'm surprised that there are over 20 posts for "#ActuallyIAmXX"

The relay essay (sort of) "#ActuallyIAmXX" is getting quite a lot of posts.

Whenever someone quotes my article, I think, "Oh, they wrote a relay essay for me!" and every time that happens, I add it to my personal magazine.

And then, just like that, there are 24 of them. 24 episodes have been collected! Folks!

Whether big or small, 24 strange and curious stories have gathered. There really aren't many other things as interesting as this.

When someone who says, "Oh, I don't really have any interesting stories," with their eyes cast down and looking unconfident, gets their palm read,

"Wait, your life line is broken. You're dead, aren't you?"

The story of being told that is just crazy, isn't it? Getting a palm reading and receiving a death sentence. You hear things like "six months to live" in catchphrases for emotional movies, but if it's "zero time to live," you're already in the graveyard. You don't hear things like that anywhere except in "Fist of the North Star."

As I thought, this theme really brings them in.
Interesting stories.

Even if the person themselves doesn't think it's a big deal, all sorts of things inevitably come out. That's why it's so much fun to read. I get notifications, but I don't think you all are reading the episodes from people you aren't following, so you should really read all of these.

They are all interesting, but if I post all the URLs, it will be hard to read after this, so I'll introduce just three. I've registered them all in the magazine, so read them! Just read them!

Three masterpieces of "#ActuallyIAmXX"

"Actually, I'm an alien. A story about that."

I really love this story. The episode I introduced earlier is a quote from this story. The part about being told you have zero time to live and then, oh, but it's okay. Because... is excellent.

"Actually, I love 'blood draws'."

Yes, yes!
This is the kind of story I was waiting for!
It's a good perverted story lol

"Actually, I was an 'anti-LINE' person."

This is also good.

What's good about it is that there were quite a lot of anti-LINE people in the world, right? And you'd be the only one forced to use email to get in touch with people.

But then, before you know it, you're using LINE. You can really understand what kind of trigger made them give up lol

Actually, I love unusual names.

So, yeah. (As usual)

I could come up with endless stories for this hashtag. That's why I want to hear from more people. Also, for those who have already participated in this project, you can write a second or third time on this theme! So, I'm going to write my second episode.

Here is the first one.

Here I go.

Actually, I love unusual names.

Whether it's surnames, place names, or station names, I'm a goner. Once I get hooked, that's all I can look at.

You know how when you're watching sumo, sometimes you're more interested in the celebrities in the audience than the match itself? Like when Pe Hayashiya is there, or Ebizo is glaring, or Dr. Takasu is in the front row with Rieko Saibara.

The dangerous thing about unusual names is that they pop up in daily life and conversations, but I just can't ignore them, and they end up standing out above everything else. Just like how the sumo match gets overshadowed by the sheer presence of Ebizo's face in the audience.

I'm curious about a certain place name in the Netherlands

For example. There is a Japanese national soccer player named Ritsu Doan. He's the person who was in the VISA touch commercial.

Well, 'Doan' is quite an amazing surname in itself, but what I want to talk about isn't his surname, but his club.

He is currently at Freiburg in Germany, which is a pretty strong team, but his first club after moving overseas was called 'Groningen'.

This is just impossible, isn't it?
'Furō-ningen' (Non-working human) isn't it!?

What is that, a NEET!?
What on earth is Groningen!?

That's what I end up worrying about.

The dangerous thing about this is TV news.

'Ritsu Doan of the Dutch first division soccer team Groningen started in the match against Feyenoord on the 23rd and had a great performance with one goal and two assists.'

The newscaster reads it out calmly, but all I can hear is Groningen. Because I'm stuck on Groningen, even if I remember that Doan played, I don't remember the details of the match.

I learned later that there seems to be a way to read it as 'ningen' in Dutch, and apparently there is another place name that sounds like a lie called 'Scheveningen'.

But I think the reason for that is because it's hard to get into the story otherwise, so maybe they wanted to get closer to the local pronunciation? They also write things like "Scheveningen" quite often. Well, of course that's how it ends up. But writing it this way makes you curious, doesn't it? Like they're hiding something.

There are other overseas soccer clubs with weird names, right? Like VVV-Venlo. Venlo is one thing, but what on earth is VVV? And what's more, they make you read it as "Vay-Vay-Vay," which makes it even more intriguing.

The beginning of my love for unusual names was "Tama Center"

Come to think of it, I've been interested in unusual names ever since I was a child.

For example, this was nearly 40 years ago, so you might think "Huh!?" now, but since I was a Odakyu line user, I was always interested in the "Odakyu Tama Center" station at the time.

What is that supposed to mean!?
Why are you using katakana in a station name?
That was the issue.

If I say that, I can hear the loud booing from people in the Kanto suburbs thinking, "Then why don't you react to the even weirder 'Yomiuriland' station?" but even as a child, I recognized that as a theme park.

The fact that "Tama Center" existed as a place name felt incredibly strange. When you think of place names, you expect to see a sequence of characters like "Noborito," "Izumi-Tamagawa," or "Komae," and then you get "Tama Center."

Well, children are interested in these strange little things.

I guess that's where it started.
I ended up living a life where I kept reacting to unusual names.

I heard information that there was a kid named Sorime in the class next door, and I got curious, thinking, "Why is there hiragana in a surname!!" so I had a friend in the track club show me his name tag, and I ended up laughing right in front of him, which was truly rude.

Man, that was really rude.
I'm sorry, Sorime-kun.
I wonder what he's doing now.

The trigger for returning to sumo was a sumo wrestler with an unusual name

Actually, I thought about having a rally like "There are such unusual names!" (in the style of "STAP cells exist!"), but when I think about it, my life changed significantly because I reacted to unusual names.

The thing is, the reason I returned to sumo when I was nearing 30 was also because of an unusual name.

Basically, I don't think people who aren't interested in sumo would find it interesting if I talked about it, so I won't talk about the content of sumo, but since today is strictly about "sumo wrestlers with unusual names," please forgive me.

I happened to be watching the All Japan Sumo Championship, an amateur tournament, and there was this athlete named Goetaro Sawai who was the only high school student to make it to the final tournament, and he was beating up university students and amateurs.

Goetaro Sawai is an amazing wrestler.
I wonder if a wrestler like this will become an Ozeki.

I was watching while thinking that vaguely. Now that I think about it, for some reason, the four of us in my family were watching this broadcast. That doesn't happen very often after you become a working adult.

And then.
They said his opponent in the top 8 was the student champion of that year.

Whoa!
A high school champion, Sawai, is going to fight a collegiate champion!

It’s such an exciting, blood-pumping setup, isn't it? I don't usually watch amateur sumo, but this matchup really gets me fired up.

If Sawai won here, he’d be looking at an unprecedented victory for a high schooler, so I thought I’d watch that moment, and I ended up glued to the amateur match, which I usually never watch.

And then, I was shocked when I saw the collegiate champion.

His surname was...
“Hakiai”
.

Hahahaha, Hakiai??

Is that character even allowed for a surname?
Setting aside whether it's allowed, why on earth would you choose that?

My whole family was shocked.
Sawai was completely forgotten.
We were all captivated by Hakiai.

The reason my family and I had stayed in front of the TV to see Sawai’s historic feat had completely changed. We were now watching for Hakiai.

In the end, Hakiai was soundly defeated by Sawai. However, the existence of Hakiai had been etched into my mind.

A few years later, I happened to be watching sumo on BS (which is another story in itself), and I saw that same Hakiai competing in the Makushita division. As I watched, I grew attached to both Hakiai and the Makushita division, which led to the birth of my blog, “The Unknown World of Makushita Sumo,” in 2011.

The more I cheered for him, the more I felt an extraordinary affection for Hakiai, and I started being called “The Hakiai Guy” or “The Makushita Sumo Guy” online.

I made an “I Love Hakiai T-shirt,” a parody of the I Love New York shirts, and sold out 50 of them from Seattle in the north to Florida in the south. Incidentally, that includes 10 shirts purchased by Hakiai-san’s younger sister.

Since this is a good opportunity, I’d like to say that I’ve always wanted people who are interested in me—even though I usually talk about things unrelated to sumo—to read my writing about the world of sumo.

What kind of ending would Hakiai-san eventually have as a sumo wrestler? I started watching sumo with a smirk because of a rare name, but I got completely hooked, and from that point on, Hakiai-san himself created a drama that no one could have predicted. Just remembering it makes me want to cry...

I wrote about that story in a book titled “A Theory of Sumo as a Sport,” which was published by Kobunsha last year, so I would be incredibly happy if you could write a review as part of “#AutumnReading2022.” (Apparently, reviews for books other than recommended ones are also okay.)

They say you can win Amazon gift cards for the wonderful awards, so please do participate. I’d also like to send out some novelties to those who write reviews, as much as I am able.

So, what did you think?

I am looking forward to hearing your episodes about unusual names, stories about "actually, I am XX," as well as your thoughts on this article and any questions you have regarding "sumo as a sport"!

■ I have also created an article for greetings, self-introductions, and casual chat.

Please use this if you want to talk to Nishio about something other than your thoughts on this article!