Novel "The Garden Waiting for Spring" Episode 2

Chapter 2: I Want to Be Like the Teacher

When she opened the door, there was no loud noise there.

Aoi thought that first.

The sound of tapping on a whiteboard, the teacher's voice, and the sound of students pulling back their chairs all at once, which were present in the classroom of the cram school, were not here.

What was there was the small sound of pencils moving on paper, the sound of someone turning a page, and the voice of a teacher explaining in a slightly low tone.

The classroom was smaller than she had imagined.

Several long desks were lined up, and at each one, a teacher and a student sat side by side. There were no large posters of successful exam results on the walls. Instead, handwritten schedules and slightly faded school information flyers were posted at crooked angles.

It felt imperfect.

Aoi felt a little relieved by that.

A teacher with round glasses near the entrance stood up when he saw Aoi and her mother.

"You must be Morishita-san. I've been expecting you."

Her mother immediately bowed properly.

"Thank you for having us starting today."

Aoi also hurriedly bowed.

"Thank you for having me."

Her voice was quiet.

But the teacher didn't ask her to repeat it.

"Yes. Well, since today is your first day, let's talk a little with your assigned teacher, and then we'll take a look at your English."

Aoi stiffened slightly at the word 'English'.

It wasn't that she particularly hated English. However, lately, it felt like everything she heard led back to words like entrance exams, grades, and target schools.

The teacher with round glasses called out to the back of the classroom.

Teacher Kana.

A woman who had been looking at a student's notebook at one of the long desks looked up.

She was wearing a white blouse with a light gray cardigan over it. Her hair was a little longer than her shoulders and loosely tied back. Although she had heard she was a university student, she looked like an adult to Aoi.

After briefly telling the student something, Teacher Kana stood up quietly.

Aoi Morishita?

The voice that called her name was much softer than she had expected.

Yes.

I'm Teacher Kana, and I'll be in charge of you starting today. I'm a third-year university student. Nice to meet you.

Kana did not emphasize the word teacher.

Even so, she truly looked like a teacher.

Aoi bowed her head once more.

Nice to meet you too.

Then, shall we sit over here?

Teacher Kana guided her to a long desk at the edge of the classroom. Her mother ended up talking to the teacher with round glasses for a bit, so only Aoi sat down at the desk.

When she sat in the chair, she saw fine scratches on the surface of the desk.

Traces of someone rubbing it with an eraser.

Small dents that looked like they were made by the tip of a mechanical pencil.

On the edge, there was a faint smudge of pencil lead remaining.

She thought about how many people had solved problems here.

Kana-sensei sat down next to Aoi.

"Are you nervous?"

Aoi didn't know how to answer.

She thought it was normal to say she was fine. But she wasn't fine.

After hesitating for a moment, Aoi gave a small nod.

"Yes."

Kana-sensei didn't laugh.

"I see. Then, let's take it slow today."

Slow.

The word settled into her chest.

Aoi felt like she had been rushing for a long time lately.

I have to get used to it quickly.
I have to try harder quickly.
I have to go back to normal quickly.
I have to enter the classroom quickly.
I have to go to cram school quickly.

But Kana-sensei said to take it slow.

"Since it's the first day, it's a day to see what you can do. It's not a day to find what you can't do, but a day to see where you are right now."

"Where I am right now..."

"Yes. Like a map. If you don't know where you are, you don't know which way to go, right?"

Aoi looked up just a little.

Even though they were talking about entrance exams, she didn't feel like she was being scolded.

Kana-sensei opened the English workbook and pressed her finger on the first page.

"Then, shall we look at this together? You can stop if you don't understand, okay?"

It's okay to stop.

That, too, was a strange phrase to Aoi.

At cram school, she thought that if she stopped, she would be left behind. Even at school, it was scary to be the only one to stop while everyone else had a look on their face as if they understood.

But Kana-sensei said it was okay to stop.

Aoi read the problem.

The English sentence was short. She had seen almost all the words before. But when she lost track of how they were arranged, everything suddenly felt distant.

Aoi's hand stopped.

She thought, I've stopped again.

Kana-sensei peered into her notebook.

"You're right about what you've thought through up to this point."

"Eh?"

"You've correctly identified the subject. The verb is also correct. You stopped just now at the chunk after that."

Aoi looked at her notebook.

She had thought that she didn't understand any of it. But Kana-sensei mentioned what she had done right first.

"Isn't this all wrong?"

"No. It's not all wrong. You're right up to a point."

Right up to a point.

Just that alone made it a little easier to breathe.

Kana-sensei held a red pen, but didn't write anything right away.

"Aoi-san, why don't you try drawing lines yourself first? Where do you think the chunks of meaning are in this?"

Yes.

Aoi drew a line, hesitating slightly.

Ms. Kana nodded.

Yes, that's good. The way you drew that just now is very close.

Very close.

For the first time in a while, Aoi remembered that answers weren't just about being right or wrong.

The lesson proceeded quietly.

Ms. Kana did not rush. Even when Aoi was silent and thinking, she didn't give the answer right away. Yet, Aoi didn't feel ignored either.

When Aoi stopped at a part she didn't understand, Ms. Kana would wait a moment and then ask,

Where are you stuck right now?

When Aoi couldn't answer, she would offer choices like,

The vocabulary?
The word order?
The translation into Japanese?

For the first time in a long while, Aoi was looking only at the problems.

She wasn't looking at the teacher's expression, the sounds around her, or worrying about whether she would be scolded; she was looking only at the English text in front of her.

As the lesson neared its end, Ms. Kana closed the workbook.

Let's stop here for today.

Yes.

Are you tired?

Aoi hesitated for a moment.

She was tired. But it wasn't an unpleasant kind of tiredness.

"A little"

"I see. If you could do this much on your first day, that's enough."

Enough.

That was also a word I hadn't heard in a long time.

My mother always said that Aoi could do more.

At school, I was told that everyone else was doing it.

At the cram school, I was told that I was an examinee, after all.

I was almost never told that I had done enough.

Kana-sensei asked, as if she had just remembered something.

"Aoi-san, is there anything you like?"

"Anything I like, you mean?"

"Yes. Besides studying."

Besides studying.

Aoi hesitated a little, wondering if it was okay to answer.

Talking about things I like is a little scary. Once at school, I talked a little bit about plants. Then, later, another girl laughed and said, "That's kind of like an old lady."

It wasn't said directly to me.

But I heard it.

Since then, Aoi stopped talking about plants at school.

However, Kana-sensei's voice was not rushing me.

"Plants."

When she said it quietly, Ms. Kana's eyes brightened a little.

"Oh, I like flowers too."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I like looking at them. In the spring, I go to see nemophila or visit rose gardens."

Aoi's heart skipped a beat.

"Nemophila is wonderful, isn't it? It's a bit far from Yokohama, but when you see it in a wide space, it looks just like the sky. You can grow them in pots, too. They tend to get leggy, so sunlight is important, and if you water them too much, the roots get weak..."

Once she started, Aoi couldn't stop.

"I also like ranunculus. I'm growing some on my balcony right now. They're actually spring flowers, but they're sensitive to heat, so it's hard to get them through the summer. When the leaves turn yellow after the flowers finish, I'm never sure whether to stop watering and dig up the tubers or just let them dry out. But even though tubers look like bulbs, they're actually thickened roots, so unlike tulips..."

Ms. Kana's eyes widened slightly.

Aoi kept going.

"Also, clematis pruning depends on the variety. There are new-wood bloomers, old-wood bloomers, and both-wood bloomers, and if you prune them wrong, they might not bloom the next time, so you have to keep the tags. Cherry tomatoes have a specific timing for pinching off suckers, but if you take too many, they look sparse, and planting them with basil looks cute..."

As she spoke, Aoi realized her voice had gotten a little loud.

Ms. Kana was smiling.

But Aoi couldn't tell if it was a smile of annoyance or amusement.

Suddenly, Aoi felt a chill in her chest.

She had done it again.

The other person had only said they liked flowers a little, and she had gone on and on all by herself.

"I'm sorry."

Aoi looked down.

"Huh?"

"It's strange, isn't it?"

Ms. Kana tilted her head.

"Strange?"

"Because I think it's strange to talk so much about things like this."

Aoi looked at the scratches on the desk.

She thought she shouldn't have said it.

If you keep the things you love deep in your heart, they won't get hurt. She should have just gone out to the balcony by herself and talked to the plants.

Ms. Kana paused for a moment as if thinking.

That pause felt long to Aoi.

"It's not strange."

Aoi did not look up.

"It's just that, while I like looking at them, I've hardly ever grown them myself."

"...Yes."

"So, I didn't understand about half of what you just said."

Aoi's shoulders slumped slightly.

I knew it, she thought.

But Ms. Kana continued.

"But I could tell that you really love them, Aoi-san."

Aoi raised her eyes just a little.

Ms. Kana was smiling.

This time, she didn't look like she was in trouble.

"Flowers are beautiful just to look at, but the people who grow them think about things like that, too, don't they?"

"...I do."

"I see. That's amazing."

Amazing.

Even hearing those words, Aoi couldn't accept them right away.

It felt closer to 'strange' than 'amazing'.

Kana-sensei looked at the clock.

"Well then, that's all for today. Next time will be at the same time next week."

"Yes."

Aoi put away her teaching materials.

◇

Her mother came to pick her up and talked to the teacher with the round glasses for a bit. Kana-sensei briefly explained today's lesson to her mother.

"She could read the English sentences quite well up to a point. It seems like she feels like she loses track of everything when she gets flustered, so we'll start by practicing reading by breaking them down."

Her mother nodded, looking relieved.

"Is that so? Thank you for your help."

Aoi remained silent beside her mother.

On the way home, her mother said,

"It's a good thing she seems like a kind teacher, isn't it?"

"Yeah."

"Do you think you can keep going here?"

Aoi thought for a moment.

She didn't know yet if she could keep going. But she hadn't run away from the classroom today.

No one had yelled at her. It was okay to stop.

"Maybe."

"Maybe?"

Her mother smiled a little.

Aoi hurriedly corrected herself.

"Yeah. I think I'll be okay."

She had said she was okay again.

But today's "okay" felt a little different from the previous ones.

When she got home, Aoi went out to the balcony before changing her clothes.

The May breeze was a little more humid than April's. The edges of the ranunculus petals were starting to look a bit tired. Some flowers were still blooming beautifully, while others were already unraveling at the center and losing their shape.

Aoi crouched down.

"Today, the teacher was someone named Ms. Kana."

The ranunculus didn't answer.

"She told me we could take it slow."

Aoi traced the rim of the pot with her finger.

"But I talked too much about plants."

The wind blew, and the petals swayed slightly.

I thought I had talked too much after all.

Kana-sensei was kind.

But, in truth, she might have been a little put off.

From now on, I should try not to talk so much.

Aoi decided this, and looked at the small watering can she had placed on the balcony floor.

It was a bit late to be watering. Watering after evening can sometimes cause the inside of the pot to get too cold or too damp.

So, she didn't water them today.

She looked only at the surface of the soil and confirmed that it was still fine.

With plants, there are things you can understand just by looking.

The color of the leaves.

The firmness of the stems.

How the soil dries.

The direction of the new buds.

But with people, you can't tell even if you look.

Aoi didn't know what Kana-sensei had really thought.

◇

Until the day of the next class, Aoi went to the school infirmary several times.

There were still days when she couldn't enter the classroom.

In the morning, she could manage to change into her uniform and leave the house. She could pass through the school gate. She could walk down the hallway.

But when she reached the front of the classroom, her chest would tighten.

Laughter heard from inside.

The sound of a desk being moved.

The sound of someone speaking loudly to the teacher.

That alone made my feet stop.

The school nurse didn't force Aoi to tell her the reason.

"Would you like to rest here for a while today?"

That was all she said.

Aoi nodded and sat in a chair at the edge of the infirmary.

There was a small houseplant on the windowsill.

It was a pothos.

The leaves were turning a little yellow. Perhaps it had too much water or not enough light.

Aoi started to say something, then stopped.

She might be thought of as strange again.

When it came to plants, Aoi always wanted to say unnecessary things.

But it was safer not to say anything.

That evening, when heading to Step by Step, Aoi was still a little nervous.

Today, I won't talk about plants.

Even if asked, I'll only say a little.

Thinking that, she climbed the stairs of the old building.

The letters for "Step by Step" on the glass door were still a little crooked.

Aoi exhaled just a little as she looked at the way it bent.

Even if it wasn't perfect, it was fine for it to be here.

That was how it looked to her.

When she entered the classroom, Kana-sensei was already sitting at the desk.

"Hello, Aoi-san."

"Hello."

In front of Kana-sensei lay an English workbook and a notebook.

Next to them was another sheet of paper.

Aoi sat down in her chair.

"Can I ask you something quickly first?"

"Yes."

Kana-sensei turned the paper toward Aoi.

On it were several printed photos of plants.

A flower with round, overlapping petals.

A purple flower blooming on a thin stem.

A landscape filled with small blue flowers.

Aoi knew immediately.

"Ranunculus..."

"Yes. It's about the ranunculus from the other day."

Kana-sensei smiled, looking a little embarrassed.

"I looked it up."

Aoi couldn't find the words.

"Summering is difficult, isn't it? It said they're weak against heat and humidity. Is it quite tough in Yokohama?"

"...It is."

"Also, caudexes aren't bulbs, are they?"

Kana-sensei looked at a note she seemed to have written herself on the edge of the paper.

"It said they're roots that have thickened. That they're different from bulbs like tulips. Is this right?"

Aoi looked at Kana-sensei.

"You looked it up?"

"Yeah."

"Why..."

Kana-sensei tilted her head slightly.

"Why, you ask?"

Aoi looked at the photos on the printout.

Ranunculus.
Clematis.
Nemophila.

These were the flowers Aoi had talked about on impulse the other day.

"Is it because I talked about them?"

"That's right."

Kana-sensei said it as if it were obvious.

"Because you looked like you were having fun when you were talking about things you like, Aoi-san."

I felt as if something had made a small sound deep in my chest.

Aoi could not take her eyes off the printout.

Someone had remembered what she liked.

Someone had taken it home and looked it up for her.

That was a much bigger deal to Aoi than she had expected.

Kana-sensei said, pressing her finger against the paper.

"But I really was just an observer, so I don't know anything about growing them. Tell me if I'm wrong."

"……Yes."

"I looked at clematis pruning too, but isn't it too difficult?"

Kana-sensei made a slightly troubled face.

"New-wood pruning, old-wood pruning, both-wood pruning—the names alone are already difficult."

Aoi almost laughed.

"It is difficult. But once you get used to it, you understand."

"Aoi-san, you understand?"

"Just a little."

"Just a little, and you know that much?"

Kana-sensei's eyes went wide.

This time, Aoi smiled just a little.

"As long as you don't lose the tag, it's fine. Also, where you cut after the flowers finish is different..."

Having said that much, Aoi stopped again.

I shouldn't talk too much.

However, Ms. Kana picked up a pen.

Wait. I'm writing that down.

Huh?

Don't lose the tag. Where you prune after the flowers finish blooming makes a difference.

Ms. Kana really wrote it down on the edge of her notebook.

Aoi watched her do it.

The teacher was taking notes on what a student said.

That felt strange to her.

That's amazing.

Ms. Kana said.

Plants aren't just about giving them water, are they?

Yes.

Aoi, how long have you been growing them?

Since elementary school. At first it was morning glories, and then I grew cherry tomatoes. The ones from school withered when I brought them home for summer vacation, but I was so frustrated that I grew them again at home.

You were frustrated?

Yes.

Aoi thought for a moment.

Because it's sad when they wither.

Ms. Kana listened without saying a word.

But if you try too hard not to let them wither and give them too much water, the roots will rot. If the sun is too strong, they weaken, and if they don't get enough sun, they won't bloom as much. Just being kind isn't enough; you have to really look at them.

As she said this, Aoi was surprised by her own words.

Even though she was talking about plants, she felt like she was talking a little bit about herself.

Kana-sensei nodded quietly.

Really look at them, huh?

Yes.

That might be a little similar to studying, too.

Aoi looked up.

Studying too?

Yes. If you just tell someone to do their best, it can be like leaving them in the midsummer sun, and if you protect them too much, they'll grow weak. Maybe you have to really look at where they are struggling right now.

Aoi fell silent.

Kana-sensei's words were different from her mother's.

It wasn't 'do your best'.

It wasn't 'don't run away' either.

It was 'really look at them'.

Then, shall we take a good look at your English today?

Kana-sensei opened the workbook.

Tell me the rest about the ranunculus at the end.

Aoi answered, 'Yes'.

That day's lesson progressed a little faster than before.

However, I didn't feel like I was being rushed.

Before solving the problems, Kana-sensei would...

set small goals, saying,
'This is the target for today.'

When Aoi stopped in the middle,

she would ask,
'What is it that's catching you in your head right now?'

Aoi gradually became able to answer.

'I don't know what this "that" is.'

'That's good. It's important that you noticed that.'

'Is it really?'

'Yes. Being able to say where you don't understand is quite good.'

It was okay to say that I didn't understand.

Just knowing that made the problem feel a little smaller.

At the end of the lesson, Kana-sensei brought out a handout again.

'So, what do you do with a ranunculus after the flowers are done?'

This time, Aoi hesitated for a moment before speaking.

'When the leaves start to turn yellow, I reduce the water. Some people dig them up once the parts above ground have completely withered. Last year, when I dug mine up, the small tuberous roots broke... so this year, I'm debating whether to just let them dry out in the pot.'

'They break?'

'They do. They're quite delicate.'

'I see.'

Kana-sensei looked at the photo of the ranunculus.

"Even though it has so many petals, its roots are delicate, aren't they?"

Aoi felt a slight pang in her chest upon hearing those words.

Ms. Kana had probably just said it casually.

But for Aoi, those words lingered for a while.

So many petals, yet delicate roots.

Even if it looks like it's blooming beautifully, there are weak parts beneath the soil.

"Aoi-san?"

Called by Ms. Kana, Aoi came back to her senses.

"Are you okay?"

Aoi smiled just a little.

"I'm okay."

This time, the 'okay' was a little more true than before.

◇

On the way home, Aoi walked a little faster than usual.

Her mother's work was running late, so she was to go home alone today. On the road to the station, there was the evening flow of people. Office workers, high school students, people carrying shopping bags, people walking while looking at their smartphones.

In the midst of that, Aoi was thinking about the handout in her bag.

The ranunculus that Ms. Kana had looked up for her.

Clematis.

Nemophila.

It was just a handout.

It was something anyone could find if they looked it up on the internet.

But to Aoi, it felt like a treasure.

When she got home, her mother hadn't returned yet.

Aoi went out onto the balcony still in her school uniform.

The ranunculus was bathed in the evening light. The edges of its petals were a little dry, and the color was fading slightly. Even so, a deep color still remained toward the center.

Aoi crouched down.

"Ms. Kana, she looked up about the tuberous roots for me."

When she said it out loud, the depths of her chest felt a little warm.

"She remembered properly that they weren't bulbs."

The ranunculus didn't answer.

However, its petals swayed slightly in the wind.

Aoi picked up the small trowel she had left next to the pot. She smoothed out the surface of the soil just a little bit.

It didn't need water yet.

Not giving it too much was also a form of care.

"Teacher is amazing."

Aoi said softly.

"She's kind, smart, and she really pays attention."

She listens to the things I like without laughing at me.

She doesn't leave things she doesn't understand as they are; she looks them up for me.

Even when I can't solve a problem, she finds the parts I did get right.

Aoi looked at the ranunculus flower that had opened a little too much.

"I wish I could be like you, Ms. Kana."

The words came out more naturally than she had expected.

It had been a long time since she had wanted to be like someone else.

Not wanting to be normal.

Not wanting to do things properly, either.

She wanted to be like Ms. Kana.

Aoi still couldn't quite put the difference into words.

However, she felt as if something like a small sprout had emerged deep in her chest.

It was not yet a flower.

It was not even a leaf.

It was just something moving slightly within the soil.

Aoi watched it quietly.

Aoi did not yet know.

That Ms. Kana, too, was beginning to stand still, not knowing what lay ahead for her.

That the person who looked like a teacher to her was, in truth, still in the middle of searching for her own spring.

The ranunculus on the balcony swayed in the evening breeze.

Beneath the flower that was nearing the end of its bloom, a small root for the next season remained quietly in the soil.