Novel "The Garden Waiting for Spring" Chapter 1

Synopsis
Aoi Morishita, a third-year junior high student, finds herself unable to endure the loud voices and atmosphere of her group cram school, and begins spending her time in the school infirmary. Kana, a university student tutor she meets at a private tutoring school, listens to Aoi talk about the plants she loves, and slowly begins to open Aoi's heart. However, the pressures of summer school and entrance exams, combined with Kana's own uncertainty about her job hunting, cause their relationship to drift apart. Eventually, at Kana's university festival, the two decide to create a small container garden called "The Garden Waiting for Spring." Even weak flowers and bulbs that won't bloom right away just need to be watched carefully and placed in the right spot. This is a story of rebirth for a third-year junior high student preparing for exams and an inexperienced teacher, as they wait for the season to bloom in their own way.

Chapter 1: I'm Sorry

An April evening.

When she returned from school, Aoi went out onto the balcony still in her uniform.

She just set her bag down next to the desk and didn't even change her clothes.

The buzzing noise from the time she spent in the classroom still lingered somewhere in her body.

Stepping out onto the balcony made it a little easier to breathe.

The ranunculus was beginning to bloom, catching the evening light.

Aoi crouched down and stared at the petals that hadn't fully unfurled yet.

Pale pink petals were layered one upon another. Although the outer petals were slightly open, the center was still firm.

They won't open even if you rush them.

It doesn't work if you water them too much or put them in the sun too long.

You just have to wait.

That was the part about plants that she liked.

If you watch them properly, there are small changes. The color of the leaves fades, the buds swell a little, or the way the soil dries is different from yesterday.

They don't say anything in words.

But they don't lie, either.

Aoi touched her finger to the soil in the pot.

It was still a little damp.

She didn't need to water them today.

I wrote in my notebook, "April 8th. No watering. Three buds."

I heard the sound of the front door unlocking.

"I'm home."

It was my mother's voice.

Aoi closed her notebook.

She tried to answer right away, but it was hard for her voice to carry from the balcony. Aoi stood up and went back inside.

Her mother, still with her work bag over her shoulder, placed an envelope on the living room table.

"Aoi, come here for a second."

The moment she heard that voice, Aoi stiffened slightly.

When her mother said, "Come here for a second," it usually meant it was time to make a decision.

On the living room table, three cram school brochures were lined up.

Large text.

Proven track record of success.

Passing your first-choice school.

Get serious starting this spring.

Just looking at those words made Aoi feel a tightness deep in her chest.

Her mother said, while aligning the brochures with her fingers,

"Now that you're in your third year of junior high, you really need to start going to a cram school properly."

"Yeah."

"This group cram school seems to have a good reputation. Someone at my office said their child went there, too."

Aoi looked at the pamphlet.

In the photo of the classroom, many students were sitting facing forward. A teacher was standing in front of the whiteboard, explaining something with great energy.

Just looking at that photo made Aoi feel a little tired.

"Can't I do one-on-one?"

Her voice came out quieter than she had expected.

Her mother furrowed her brows slightly.

"I don't think one-on-one is right from the start."

"But..."

"Aoi."

Her mother's voice dropped a little.

"You're an examinee, so you need to see the atmosphere around you. If you see how hard everyone else is working, I think you'll change too."

The atmosphere around her.

Aoi was not fond of that phrase.

Even though you can't see the atmosphere, it always seeps into Aoi's body.

The buzzing of the classroom.

The silence when someone is being scolded.

Voices that sound like they are laughing, but are actually mocking the other person.

Those things were too intense for Aoi.

"Groups are a little scary."

Aoi said.

Mother sighed.

"Scared? You haven't even gone yet."

"But, probably..."

"Don't decide based on 'probably.' Everyone is anxious at first."

Mother wasn't saying anything wrong.

Aoi knew that, too.

That was why she couldn't talk back.

Mother looked at Aoi and softened her expression slightly.

"You can do it, Aoi. If you try properly, you're a capable girl."

A capable girl.

That was supposed to be a compliment. But to Aoi, it felt like a thin thread tightening around her neck.

If you can do it, you must do it. If you can do it but don't, it's because you're being lazy.

That was what she felt was being said.

"...I understand."

Aoi nodded.

Mother smiled as if relieved.

"Good. Then I'll sign you up for the trial lesson."

When Mother smiled, Aoi felt a little relieved.

Mom is happy.

If so, she tried to tell herself that this was fine.

After the story ended, Aoi went out onto the balcony once more.
She crouched down in front of the ranunculus pot and stared at the petals that were beginning to unfurl for a long time.

"Do I have to bloom properly, too?"

Of course, the flower did not answer.

◇

The day of the first class.

Aoi walked with her mother from Yokohama Station to the cram school.

On the third floor of a large building.

The names of those who passed were posted at the reception. On the wall, it was written, "Get a head start from the spring of your third year of junior high."

Her mother looked at it and seemed somewhat satisfied.

"See? It's a proper cram school, isn't it?"

Aoi nodded.

Proper.

That was what scared her even more.

When she entered the classroom, several students were already seated.

A child moving their mechanical pencil.

A child looking at a vocabulary book.

A child talking to a friend about mock exams.

Everyone looked like they had become exam candidates before Aoi had.

Aoi sat in the very back seat.

She placed her pencil case on the desk.

My hands are a little cold.

The bell for the start of class rang.

The teacher entered the classroom energetically.

"Alright, let's begin!"

It was a loud voice.

Aoi's back stiffened.

"Third year of junior high is no walk in the park. From here on out, only those who can give it their all for the next year will improve. You understand, right?"

The students replied, "Yes."

Aoi also said it quietly, a beat late.

"Yes."

The class moved fast.

The teacher's voice.

The sound of markers racing across the whiteboard.

The sound of pages turning.

The voices of students giving answers.

Aoi took notes desperately.

But every time the students around her answered immediately, she felt like she was the only one falling behind.

Partway through, one boy was called on.

"Well then, here. What's the answer?"

The boy remained silent for a while.

"I... I don't know."

The teacher's voice changed.

"Hey! This is part of the homework assignment!"

The boy looked away.

"You didn't do your homework, did you?"

The air in the classroom suddenly turned cold.

Aoi froze, still gripping her mechanical pencil.

"You're a student preparing for entrance exams! What did you come here for?"

Aoi flinched.

She wasn't the one being scolded.

Even so, her heart shrank a little.

The boy laughed it off.

The teacher raised his voice even further.

"This is no time to be laughing. If you have no motivation, go home."

The classroom went silent.

Aoi froze, still gripping her mechanical pencil.

If you have no motivation, go home.

You're a student preparing for entrance exams.

What did you come here for?

She felt as if those words were directed at her.

When the class ended, there was almost no writing left in Aoi's notebook from the middle onwards.

On the way home, her mother asked.

"How was it?"

Aoi hesitated for a moment.

It was scary.

It was painful.

I don't want to go anymore.

But when she looked at her mother's face, she couldn't say it.

"...It was fine."

"I see. That's good."

Her mother looked happy.

"You'll be fine once you get used to it. It's only at first."

Aoi nodded.

Only at first.

She wanted to believe that might be true.

However, as the day of the next class approached, the pit of Aoi's stomach began to tighten.

◇

In the morning, even when she went out to the balcony, she couldn't really look at the changes in the ranunculus.

One bud was starting to open.

Even though she should have been happy, the cram school classroom kept appearing in Aoi's mind.

The teacher's voice.

The sound of the whiteboard.

The voice scolding a child who forgot their homework.

Aoi stood still for a while, holding the watering can.

Even so, Aoi went to cram school.

She thought her mother would be sad if she said she didn't want to go.

She felt that if she said she couldn't go, it would mean she had lost.

As the day for cram school approached, the pit of her stomach would tighten. On the way to the station, her feet would feel like stopping again and again.

Even so, Aoi entered the cram school classroom.

Every time she returned home, she thought she couldn't take it anymore.

But when the next week came, she went again.

As she repeated this, school also became painful.

It wasn't as if she had ever been comfortable in the classroom before.

But she had managed to sit through it somehow.

She would listen to the lessons, read books during breaks, and spend lunch time quietly.

That was enough.

However, after she started attending the group cram school, the sounds in the classroom began to sound louder than before.

The boys' laughter.

The girls' quiet gossiping.

The teacher's voice scolding someone.

The sound of someone pulling out a chair.

Everything came flying apart and pierced Aoi's body.

It was the first period of a day, three weeks after she started attending cram school.

The child sitting next to her forgot their handout and was scolded by the teacher.

It wasn't a harsh tone.

It was a normal reprimand.

Even so, Aoi's hands turned cold.

Her breathing became shallow.

The letters on the blackboard seemed to drift a little further away.

"Aoi, are you okay?"

Asked by the teacher, Aoi nodded.

But, the next moment, she felt like she was going to cry.

Aoi went to the infirmary.

The white curtains in the infirmary were swaying slightly in the breeze.

The school nurse didn't blame her for anything.

"Let's rest for a bit."

Told that, Aoi sat on the edge of the bed.

Just resting.

She tried to think of it that way.

But she couldn't go back to the classroom.

From that day on, Aoi spent more and more time in the infirmary.

She couldn't tell her mother.

If asked, she would answer.

But she wouldn't bring it up herself.

◇

Her mother found out through a call from the school.

That night, at the dinner table, her mother said:

"Are you going to the infirmary?"

"...Yeah."

"Why?"

"Well, the classroom is..."

Her mother frowned slightly.

"But you're still able to go to cram school, right?"

"Yeah."

"Then why can't you try harder at school?"

Aoi remained silent for a while, still gripping her chopsticks.

"...I actually want to switch to private tutoring for cram school, too."

The voice she finally managed to let out was surprisingly small, even to her own ears.

Her mother's eyebrows twitched slightly.

"Are we talking about that again?"

"Being in a group is a bit tough."

"But you've only just started, haven't you?"

"Yeah."

"Try a little harder."

There was a reproachful tone in her mother's voice.

Aoi nodded slightly.

Her mother was silent for a while.

"Aoi, you're a student preparing for entrance exams."

"Yeah."

"If you get into the habit of running away now, the same thing will happen when you get to high school."

A habit of running away.

Aoi repeated those words over and over in her heart.

Am I running away?

Am I running away?

I don't want to go to cram school.

I can't even go to the classroom.

Loud voices scare me.

Is all of that running away?

"I'm sorry."

Aoi said.

Mother looked a little troubled.

"I don't want you to apologize. I want you to do things properly."

Properly.

Aoi nodded.

But she didn't know how to do things properly.

◇

After the May holidays.

There was another homework check during cram school class.

Aoi had done her homework.

She had done it all.

She had also corrected her mistakes.

Even so, when it came time for the check, her heart pounded loudly.

It wasn't that she herself would be scolded.

But someone else might be.

Just that 'might be' was enough to make Aoi's body stiffen.

Just as she thought, one student had forgotten their homework.

The teacher frowned.

"How many times do I have to tell you?"

The classroom went quiet.

"You're a student preparing for entrance exams!"

A voice echoed.

Aoi's vision turned white.

The sounds grew distant.

Her fingertips went numb.

Even when she tried to inhale, the air wouldn't come in properly.

The child next to her said softly.

"Are you okay?"

Aoi tried to stand up.

But her legs wouldn't move.

The teacher looked over at her.

"What's wrong?"

Everyone's eyes were on her.

She was being a nuisance.

She was stopping the class.

She couldn't do it right.

Again, she couldn't do it.

Aoi finally stood up and gave a small bow.

"I'm sorry."

She said only that, and left the classroom.

The moment she stepped into the hallway, tears spilled out.

The receptionist approaches in a hurry.

But Aoi could not say anything.

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

In her mind, only those words were repeated.

◇

That night, her mother was silent for a long time.

On the living room table, textbooks for the cram school were laid out.

Thick textbooks.

A red pen.

A homework checklist.

Just looking at them made Aoi's body tremble slightly.

"Is it really that impossible?"

Her mother said.

Aoi nodded.

"Yeah."

"Everyone is working hard."

"Yeah."

"Everyone hates being scolded, don't they?"

"Yeah."

"I don't think it's only you who is having a hard time, Aoi.""

Aoi looked down.

Perhaps that was the case.

She wasn't the only one having a particularly hard time.

That was why she was weak.

That she was not normal.

That is what she thought.

Her mother sighed.

"…Should we switch to individual tutoring?"

Aoi looked up.

"Is that okay?"

"We can't just do nothing as things are, can we?"

Her mother said.

"However, don't think that just because you switch to individual tutoring, things will get easier. You must study properly."

"Yeah."

"Entrance exams won't wait for you."

"Yeah."

Aoi nodded.

Her mother's words still felt heavy.

But she wouldn't have to go back to that classroom.

Just that alone allowed a little air into the depths of her chest.

The next morning.

Aoi stepped out onto the balcony.

The ranunculus had opened just a little more than yesterday.

Many petals were layered over one another.

The center was still not visible.

Aoi crouched down in front of the pot.

"I'm sorry."

Those words came out again.

She didn't know what she was apologizing for.

Quitting cram school.

Disappointing her mother.

Not being able to go to school.

Not being able to do things properly.

Or perhaps, the fact that she could no longer feel genuine joy when looking at flowers.

The ranunculus said nothing.

It simply continued to open its petals, little by little, in the morning light.

◇

A Saturday in May.

Aoi stood in front of the glass door of Step-by-Step Tutoring.

It was on the second floor of an old building, a short distance from Yokohama Station.

There were no posters boasting of great academic achievements.

On the glass, the words "Step by Step" were posted in handmade lettering.

It was slightly crooked.

Looking at that tilt, Aoi felt a little relieved for some reason.

It wasn't perfect.

It was proper, yet a little handmade, and a little clumsy.

Aoi took a deep breath.

There might be a loud-voiced teacher on the other side of this door, too.

She might fail again.

She might end up apologizing again.

Even so, she had come this far.

Aoi gently placed her hand on the glass door.

She didn't know yet.

That on the other side of this door, she would meet someone who would try to understand what she liked.

And that Aoi, who had said "I'm sorry" so many times, would one day be able to say to someone,

"I think you're fine just the way you are."

She didn't know that yet.